The reason it's a medical issue is because being with him makes me sicker. He goes through periods of toxic anger, and vents at me. I tend to store the stress in my body. I used to get depressed, now it's my body that reacts to stress (any kind of stress). I think my relationship is kind of like an addiction, because I have tried to break up with him over and over, and then I always cave in in the end. Either he apologizes (which is rare), the anger stops, or if I'm talking about breaking up, he cries, which always gets to me. I'm a real weenie when it comes to asserting myself, because my Mom never never asserted herself with my Dad. Ok, so here are the issues. No physical abuse, but ... he vacillates between being calm and being very angry. It's the anger that gets me. He gets angry about seemingly nothing; a lot of the time I have no idea why he's even angry. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells during these periods. Also, he's an obsessive hoarder. Now, he's never been diagnosed with OCD or anything like this, but I know a lot about OCD, because my girlfriend runs an OCD clinic, and also because both his mother and his aunt were/are obsessive hoarders to an extreme degree. He just keeps buying and buying and buying stuff, and he doesn't throw things away very often. While our house isn't like his aunt's house, which is horrible, (because I'm constantly cleaning, which also makes me sick), it's a great strain on me. I feel like I'm constantly constantly working on the house, and I have practically no time for anything else. To his credit, he takes out the trash, loads and unloads the diswasher fairly often (but doesn't clean the rest of the kitchen), and cooks me dinner fairly often. The reason I'm afraid to break up with my boyfriend is that I'm afraid to be alone. Both my mother and my father died recently, and my sister and I don't get along. I have close friends, but they are scattered all across the country. I only have one close friend where I live, and she's busy all the time. I feel like, as flawed as he is, he is all I have, and of course we do have good times together, (although sex isn't one of them; we hardly ever have sex anymore). I am so so afraid to be alone. I already feel very lonely. I am also so afraid of the breakup--the actual rupture, the division of things, the crying, etc. etc. Someone once said breaking up is like tearing a tree out by the roots. I guess I prefer comfort and safety, esp. since my Dad just died. How do I leave a relationship that is like an addiction? How do I leave someone with whom I've been together 14-15 years?