I am driving myself crazy with a question I have been asking myself... HOW DID I GET WHERE I AM TODAY??? If you read my profile you will see I have endured much pain and sorrow...But throughout the 37 years and especially the last 12 when this FMS, CF, arthritis, ulcerative colitis, inflammation, etc...I have been somehow able to continue keeping the house, doing everyday chores, and most importantly WORKING... One year ago this week, I felt overwhelmed, feeling worse than I ever have and KNOWING that this was the end for me. All the FMS symptoms surfaced among everything else and I would "cry" when I even had to think about keeping the house, doing the chores and most of all WORKING... I remember a list of symptoms and priorities I wrote when going to my rheumy appt. and the last line said "I have lost the WILLPOWER I had that was fueling what I needed to overcome and fight these DD's, now I need to live for me, on my terms and my priority is ME, I have finally lost the battle". Do I sound like a quitter? Do I sound weak? Did I actually lose the WILLPOWER that was my driving force? Did my so-called depression win the battle? I guess my question is... What happens to us that forces us to stop working, unable to properly function and enable us to dismiss chores and such that once were a MUST TO DO? Is there a breaking point? I thought that maybe if I just take some time off to care for me, my reward would be a healthier mind and/or body. It has not happened... I am beginning to think I am more crazy than they think I am...Or can it be that the illnesses are just too much to take and this is truly what is like to feel with all of these DD's... If it is the latter, the medical community better start taking us seriously and figure this out... The worst part for me is having to think/feel that I GAVE UP... If anyone wants to comment or set me straight, please do! After all this time, this is one answer I should have by now and I don't...I am looking to you all for some guidance. I am sooooooooo glad I find this wonderful place, a place where I know someone out there feels alot like I do... Sweet Dreams~Alicia PS. Some of this comes from guilt, I think, knowing that people out there who have worse conditions than I, do so much more...I am not on a pity-potty, by no means...I feel fortunate to still be walking, talking, loving, singing, etc...So why am I feeling this way???