I need some advice

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by diva42597, May 29, 2006.

  1. diva42597

    diva42597 New Member

    I'm fairly new to this borard. I have been living with FM for about 5 or 6 years now. I am fairly new to the actual diagnosis, but have found many homeopathic ways to manage the disease on my own so the diagnosis just helped validate that I'm really not nuts.

    The problem is with my fiance. We moved in together a few months ago. We love each other so much and really couldn't wait to begin our lives together. He knew I struggled before we moved in together and he continued to tell me that it was all in my mind. I brushed it off knowing it wasn't and still tried to keep a positive attitude and some hope that I would eventually be better. Well, now it's official..I'm not getting better and I actually am justified in being ill. I'm not insane and it's not in my head. But even with the diagnosis, he is not understanding of what I go through. I do all the housework and I try to do it on my good days. If I, God forbid, bother him by asking him to move for a few minutes while I vacum under him or make the bed he throws a fit saying I'm disturbing his relaxation time. He just doesn't get that I only have a certain amount of good days to do housework. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if he'll ever understand and I'm really starting to question my decision to spend the rest of my life with this man. I love him dearly and he is wonderful most of the time, but he does not understand and accept me as I am. Any advice would be helpful.

    Kristen
  2. wildflowers2

    wildflowers2 New Member

    dump him and run. it isn't going toget any better
    IF you get married.

    Listen to your guts....not your head......
    listen to your words...." wonderful MOST OF THE TIME"....

    he doesnt understand NOR does he want to understand....


    good luck
  3. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    Kristen,
    I have been married for almost 28 years. If my husband wasn't understanding and doing all the shopping, errands, cooking, and dishes, I don't know what I'd do.

    I have FMS and other illnesses and probably CFS and I just can't do it anymore. As it is, we have a cleaning woman to come in every other week. I couldn't ask hubby to clean in addition to working full time and doing all he does now.

    Think good and hard about your fiance. If he doesn't support you now, there is a chance he won't after you are married.

    One can love someone and yet not be able to have a good marriage.

    If you think that he needs info, let him read what is on this board and see if that doesn't enlighten him any.

    I did a lot at one time and for years cleaned and did errands until I just got too sick to do it anymore. I realized how sick I had gotten when I tried to clean and couldn't get past two rooms.

    You need someone who will help you and will be understanding of your illnesses.

    Hugs,
    Faye
  4. gidgetsmom

    gidgetsmom New Member

    Only a few months of living together and I had the same questions. I wish I would've listened then. Thankfully, I found my way out of that situation and am now married to a wonderful man that DOES understand. Honey, if he thinks it's all in your mind now------RUN!!! I'm not kidding, it doesn't get any better. And he throws a fit because you vacuum under him or make his bed??????? I would take a serious look at this situation if I were you because a life without understanding and acceptance is NOT a good life!!! Good luck!!
  5. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    This is your health you're talking about, the very most important thing in life. If he doesn't get this, how many other things won't he get down the road? What kind of a father would he be? Even before that, how would he treat you when you're pregnant and hurting? You love him dearly and he's wonderful most of the time?

    Sweetie, you're sick. He doesn't get it now and he probably never will. If you stay with this man, you'll beat yourself up a hundred times over and he'll help you.

    What IS it with so many of us that we don't think we're deserving of love?

    I wish I had a magic wand.

    Marta
  6. Molw

    Molw New Member

    RUN....RUN....RUN....

    If he doesn't accept you now, it will probably only get worse.... Why isn't he offering to do some of the housework if he knows you are sick????
  7. shootingstar

    shootingstar New Member

    You need someone who is more caring.
  8. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Diva:

    Let the dust balls keep up under the bed.
    Sometime he night mention it---hand him the vaucmn.

    Tell him you mentioned to him and that it is difficult to do.

    nyrofan
  9. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member

    I think you know the answer...."I'm starting to question my decision.....
    You never really know someone until you live with them. If he thinks it is all in your head I really don't know if you can change his mind. It might be a long battle and you would probably be the one with wounds that would be hard to heal. The added stress, as you know only makes the DD worse. Oh my, you do have a big choice to make. You need to be loved and accepted for who you are, only then can you be truly yourself. Love is unconditional. I wish you happiness that you deserve.
    Cindy
  10. diva42597

    diva42597 New Member

    I appreciate all of your responses. Yes, I admit I've had a feeling for some time now. Unfortunately, I do need to stay at least until I get on my feet financially. My friends and family are 3000 miles away, but now I at least have the red flag up. I don't want to end up marrying him and regretting it 10 years down the road. Thank you all for your responses!

    Kristen
  11. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    Kristen,
    I know you have gotten many responses to your post, but I just HAD to put my 2 cents in also!

    My husband and I have been married 11 years. When I was first diagnosed, he was very supportive....now, not so much. Don't get me wrong, we love each other very much...but I have to come here for support and understanding.

    Get out now while you can!