I need some help- PLEASE ADVISE...!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by LollieBoo, Sep 21, 2005.

  1. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    I'm at a loss... I took a leave of absence from my job (actually I was given a leave- My administrator sent the completed paperwork to my house, with the dates filled out and marked "approved" and signed by everyone but me) in Aug. I called her and asked if I could come back sooner if I felt better, and she said no, that she wanted me to focus on myself and get my "health issues sorted out". She seems to be a little skeptical to me, but she puts forth that she is very supportive.

    ANYWAY, I told her that I would not be back on the day I was scheduled to end my leave b/c I had an MRI and MRA that day, as well as an appt. with a dermatologist and Physical Therapy. I said that due to all of the dr appts, and the fact that I was feeling actually worse than when she started my leave, I would like to remain on leave indefinitely. She said that she would check with our Corporate Offices and confirm that that is okay. She has not called back since.

    I am supposed to call weekly to "update" her on my condition and project an estimate of when I may return. She asks a lot of detailed medical questions, and because I am part of the Administrative Dept at a nursing home, I know she is passing my updates on to our administrative team. I have told her that I am a very private person and do not want everyone privvy to my personal health issues. In my mind, that includes her!

    I feel obligated to answer her intrusive questions, even though I know I don't have to. I do not want to go back to work. I was absent a lot due to illness, and I have to drive 11 miles to work, and sometimes I can't see straight. Often, on my way home, I will panic, having NO IDEA where I am, even though it is a straight shot and I've driven it a million times, it does not look at all familiar! I have gone to work many times with a terrible headache or excruciating pain, and "worked my way through it"- I don't want to anymore!

    I can't tell her all of this, but I don't know what to say or to do! I'm supposed to call her, but I keep putting it off... Can you please offer me your input on how to handle this?

    FYI: My leave actually started in August, but my absence began in July- I tried to work one day, but couldn't make it through. I also had a history of chronic absences- especially this winter!

    Thanks for your help- I need all the support I can get! I'm making myself crazy over this!
    -Lollie
  2. maxwheelie

    maxwheelie New Member

    I am glad to see that I am not the only one out there with this problem. I have been on and off from work for 10 weeks (2 weeks at a time) due to illness and depression, over the last 6 months or so. I must tell you every time you go back it gets more difficult. I believe the only way to deal with this is to JUST DO IT. We should somehow get to a point where you don't worry what other people think.
  3. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    This is not easy,Lollie and I agree you need support. You haven't mentioned anywhere that a letter from your Doctor had been sent to your workplace. In my opinion, you need support from your Doctor and appropriate documentation sent from him/her. That is where the medical updates should be coming from, not you!!

    In my case, the documentation re sick leave goes to the HR Dept. You have the right to confidentiality re your condition. Your manager does not have the right to know details unless you give them voluntarily.You may need a lawyer if you find the confidentaility is being breached.

    I am in Canada so things may be a bit different but I don't think all that much.

    I hope you get some more opinions on this and good luck.

    Kathy,


  4. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    Unfortunately, as part of the Administration myself, I find that my HR person is less understanding (I have her previous position!), and more likely to use info. against me! Maybe she's just more obvious than my Administrator... I am afraid that I've already said too much- I offered to resign from part of my position, but I have not placed it in writing yet. Should I rescind? I was just trying to be helpful to them. That way they could hire someone else; I thought that would make me feel less guilty. I have offered to get a dr's note, but no one has asked for it.

    I mentioned that my husband's aunt works for Mayo in Rochester and she (my Admin.) asked if I had a way to contact her from work... I said "e-mail only", and she asked what it was... duh- I gave it to her! She said to e-mail her immediately and ask for help. I told her that I had been keeping very private about my problems, even with family. SHE E-MAILED HER WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!! I could have died-- I talked to the aunt and she was so kind about it and that is okay now, but that just illustrates the first betrayal of trust I felt.

    Thanks,
    Lolie
  5. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    ...to get disability? The reason I ask is because when I made the decision to quit my job my boss asked me about perhaps attempting part time work there. I couldn't because my pain is too severe. I was told that I couldn't legally come in a few days here and there when I felt better. I had to first be out for a certain amount of time (I think it was something like three months)and then come back and work part time. My doctor would have also had to recommend this in a letter. I couldn't pursue that because I refused to allow certain treatments and drugs the doctor wanted me to do first. So I stayed two weeks to train my replacement.

    In my place of work (very small company) word gets around fast but only in the departments where they needed to know (accounting and boss). Everyone in the department, however, knew about it. But I really didn't mind because practically everyone knew my physical problems.

    Do you have, or can you get a copy of the employee hand book. It should shed some light on what steps are taken in your situation. In my work plaqce an employee could get fired if they devulge another employee's personal info regarding work changes in work status, pay check, etc. You may try searching that out.

    I hope it goes well for you, sweetie. I'll be thinking about you.
  6. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    I would like to try for SSD- but am unsure. I do not feel capable of working right now. I have a history of chronic absenteeism and tardiness with my previous two jobs. I am an excellent worker (IMO), but health issues have continued to interfere! Should I hold out, waiting for them to make the next move?
  7. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    They have to request everything in writing, and it must be from a physician. You are not in a position to give out your own medical information, and legally you don't have to. Look up FMLA on the web. My work is trying to pull the same crap, I just told them I couldn't talk about it right now.
  8. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    if I don't qualify for FMLA? I hadn't been there quite a year when all of this started. I'm afraid I'm not protected and living at their mercy...
  9. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    I want your doctor!

    Part of what complicates the situation is that I have three specialists and two regular docs who seem to all disagree about my dx/ treatment! None of them think that consolodation of my healthcare is possible, and I am not satisfied with what's going on, so am looking for a new doc.
  10. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    keep written proof of EVERY conversation you have with ANY physician or chiroprator, therapist who puts a hand on you. The more proof you have will help if you have to get a lawyer to fight for you. No matter how insignificant you think it may be.

    With RSD it is the norm when you apply for disability or workers comp that the first claim is more times than not denied. Don't know if that's the case with FM but if it is don't get discouraged. Apply again.