I need some Poor Sweet Baby words

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Greenbean7, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I usually do absolutely nothing on weekends, so this was a really bad stressful weekend for me.

    On Saturday I went to watch my sister's dog in a dog show in Yakima (about 45 miles one way). Some of you know that I used to show my dog, Rey, in the same events my sister shows in, Rally and basic obedience.

    First of all I had to walk a long ways to get to the ring and I went the wrong way when I got onto the fair grounds and wondered around in 85 degrees (it was only 8:30!) trying to find her. I walk with a cane and the ground, even the asphalt sidewalks, was very rough and uneven and I was exhausted just getting to her area.

    While we watched a friend with her dog in the obedience class I suddenly was just overwhelmed with depression. I told my sis that it is just so frustrating to want to do something so much and just not be able to. I sat there and cried and just typing this is making me upset all over again.

    Last fall I went to one with her and got a little down but this time was horrible. I left just after sis showed her dog, I just didn't want to see anymore.

    When I got home DH told me he wanted to go see an old friend (who I had never met)who lives 3 hours away. He wanted to leave Sunday morning before 7:30. I would have begged off but he wanted me to meet his friend and check out a campground to see if we might want to take the motorhome there.

    So I was up at 5:30 and we were on the road at 7. We made one stop at the campground and used the bathrooms, then went on to the friends which was about 5 minutes from where we had stopped. So I sat for 3 hours in the car without being able to move around. Could hardly walk when we got there.

    We sat at the kitchen table for a couple hours and everyone talked but I didn't know them and so mostly listened. I don't do well in these situations and was very stressed.

    About 2:30 everyone decided to go down to the Snake River (ok, just the word snake turned me off!). They wanted to fish for sturgeon. Said it would be an easy walk from the parking area and I shouldn't have a problem. It was right around 100 degrees.

    Well, just because it was less than 100 yds doesn't mean it's an "easy" walk. Narrow rocky trail with weeds grown over in places. Hard to tell if my feet or cane were going to stay put when I put them down. DH did help me down the 5 ft embankment, but just stayed behind me on the way back up to make sure I didn't go over backward.

    I sat in a chair in the shade while they fished (caught nothing). The only saving grace was the occasional breeze that came off the water, that felt really good. Twisted my knee and ankle coming out and was in horrible pain by the time we got back to the house.

    We had dinner with them and didn't get back on the road until almost 7. I made DH stop for a bottle of water so I could take a pill. When we got home at 10 I had both dogs to take care of. (BTW I now know I can leave my two dogs alone in the house for at least fourteen and a half hours with out a problem. I don't recommend it, it's not good for their bladders, but I was pretty impressed with them just the same!)

    So, after getting to be around 11 I am exhausted today and want nothing but to go home to bed. Instead I am here at work, obviously not doing much (!). Since I can't call my DD at work so she can give me phone hugs and "poor sweet babies" I'm counting on you all to do it for her.

    Thanks for listening. I'll feel better after sleep, just hope I'll be able to tonight. I was so tired last night I don't think I fell asleep before one. ZZZzzzz


    Almost forgot. DH's brother and wife and 4 year old came over Saturday evening and we had to go to dinner. Arghhh!

    [This Message was Edited on 06/04/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 06/04/2007]
  2. mollystwin

    mollystwin New Member

    What a weekend!!! My goodness I don't know how you got through all that and still had energy to type!! I'm exhausted just reading what you had done.

    I hope you get some much needed rest in the next day or two. Baby yourself and hug your doggies! That's what they are there for.

  3. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I don't have the energy to do my work, well, to do it right, so I am vegging her at my desk until 5. One hour and 12 minutes, but whose counting!!

    Rey will be happy tonight because I will lay down on the floor to stretch my tired back and he will lay down there and we will probably fall asleep. He loves when that happens. DH won't let him sleep on the bed. Rey only weighs 80 lbs! I just don't see the problem!


    Stop and smell the puppies!
  4. ckball

    ckball New Member

    I feel your pain. It is hard for us to accept things that we can't do anymore. I had to give up pool. To most people it is not a big deal. I played in leagues in VA. I was a top ranked lady in a mixed league. I was the first woman in Richmond to win her way to play in the national singles championship. Pool was my social time plus I was respected by many and scared my share with my sneakey playing.

    I am no longer able to play because there is no place in this town for one, but two all the walking, bending, and brain, hand control were hurting before I had to move back to KY for my mom.

    But like you I replaced it with something else, like you do with your carving. We need to remind oursleves of what we CAN do and not dwell on we can't.

    But you had a bad weekend for sure, it made me tired too just reading it. I hope you feel better and got some rest last night as I know you are gone for the day.

    Both my dogs sleep with me, I have a queen size bed and I am allowed a small slice towards the edge. Missy (40#'s)likes to lay crossways on her back with her feet in my back. Now smile on purpose then go home again and smell the puppies. Take care-Carla
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    A veritable marathon. And not even a prize at the end.

    Gets lots of rest, and don't let DH drag you off on any more safaris.


  6. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    You've had a rough weekend for sure....

    But my thoughts lean towards saying, 'no'. We all have to learn our limitations and I think it hurts our hearts more to say yes to something we KNOW we'll end up paying for than it would to just say no first, then adjust later.

    Had you told hubby that the trip would be too much for you but maybe that you'd love to meet his friends next time when they came for lunch out, you'd have had a better weekend.

    My hubby knows that if we travel somewhere by car, I MUST get out to stretch at least every hour if not more. There's just no other way for me to do it. The pain is just too intense. Did he not want to stop or did you not tell him that you needed to?

    Have you considered a handicapped parking sticker? I have one and it allows me to get really great parking spaces that actually allow me to do more things. Many days I don't need it so I just use the closest regular spot, but most days, even just being able to swing my car door straight out so I don't hurt myself getting in and out of the car is a blessing.

    I hope you know I adore you and don't mean to offend with my suggestions, I just know for some people it's a very difficult step to accept that we've changed, life changes and nothing ever stays the same.

    We're not the same people we used to be (on the outside) anymore and need to make allowances for that.

    Hugs (very soft ones) to you,

    Nancy B
  7. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Hey, I posted a turkey casserole on the other thread that I think may be what you are looking for.....of course, you can throw in stuffing if you want!
  8. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    You are so right and I am not offended in the least! I haven't learned to say no to my sis or my DH.

    I probably won't try a dog show again. Just too emotional.

    And, no, I didn't ask DH to stop or tell him how bad it was. He might of noticed when we got out of the car, but once again, I said nothing. Well, I might of moaned some!

    He did know how tired I was after everything on Saturday, but he just didn't know how much the trip would take out of me. He hadn't seen this friend in probably 15 years and was really anxious for me to meet him and to see if I thought the campground there would be one we could stay at (NO!). I was afraid if I stayed home he wouldn't go and he isn't a social person so this was important to him.

    Doc offered to get me a handicapped parking sticker but I refused it. My SIL said I should quit trying to pretend I wasn't handicapped. She said she felt like I would be admitting it if I got the sticker. She's a smart lady!

    I haven't accepted the changes in my life. I do sometimes feel like all I do is work and try to take care of the house and that everything else is gone. I've learned to let go of some of the things I always did at Christmas and for the girls birthdays and haven't taken a trip over to Seattle for several years.

    I used to go over every once in awhile to see a Seahawk or Mariners game. We'd go over and back in one day. Just can't do it anymore, last time I was down with a migraine for 3 days afterwards.

    I'm more likely to admit I can't do something that might trigger a migraine than because I am just too sore and tired. And I don't feel that DH understands and so I try to hide it from him. Sis and DD get it and I can let down my guard with them. I need to work at showing my problems in front of DH. Otherwise it's my own fault I don't get the help and understanding I need.

    Thank you, Nancy, for helping me see what I've been doing to myself!

    Thanks everyone else who responded. I'm still very tired and didn't sleep well last night. If I could have gone to bed at 4 yesterday afternoon I probably would have slept straight through, but since I missed that window of opportunity I didn't sleep very well.

    Thanks all, and I do think I feel a little better. Not nearly so depressed as yesterday.


    Choose joy!
  9. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I'm so happy that you took my post in the spirit that it was intended!

    We all have so much to offer the world, just maybe not in the same way we used to do it.

    You're a whiz with dog advice and so many people need your kind of experience and training. It's a valuable service to those of us with less knowledge. (Give you any ideas??)

    I contribute to the world now through my crafting. I crochet my hats, scarves and baby stuff and give it to charities.

    This wasn't something I ever did before, but it keeps me connected to the outside world and I know that I somehow still have a purpose although so many things in my life have changed.

    Although some husbands aren't as supportive as we'd like them to be...not telling yours how you're feeling might not be giving him a chance to learn how to deal with the new you.

    Get that darn handicapped sticker!!!!! It gave me my FREEDOM back!!!!!! Now I can go places, I always know I have a spot waiting for me! It's opened up an entire new world for me.

    And hon...if you walk with a cane, I gotta tell you...the secret's already out.


    Nancy B
  10. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Oh no, you mean I've given my secret away by walking with a cane?!? Hmm, guess you could be right!

    That's also another problem. I don't use the cane at home unless I take Rey for a long walk (which doesn't happen much, just don't want to spend my energy that way). I even take both dogs out on leashes every evening into the hay field a ways so they can relieve after dinner. Can't use the cane then, but figure I'm out in the soft dirt and within hollering distance of the house so I'm ok. It's the steps out of the house that are a problem. Rey lets me lean on him and neither of them pull.

    So DH probably doesn't realize how much I depend on it. He might have gotten a better idea when I used it to walk into the spot on the river. But then on the way home when I went in the little store for water I didn't take it. If he was watching, which I assume he was, he should have noticed how I shuffled from hurting and insecurity without the cane. I really need to use it where he sees me use it and prove to him how much I depend on it.

    I'm not the only one at my house who seems to be on that river in Egypt! But it really is my own fault for not being more open and letting my pride get in the way.

    Thanks some more!!


    Don't dwell on problems!
  11. maineweezie

    maineweezie New Member

    First off a big (((((HUG))))) then the motherly lecture. Hope I don't make you angry at me but you scare me!

    Your weekend would have been bad enough on a person who doesn't have this DD but honey you're not being fair to either you hubby or yourself for that matter. Unless you tell him and show him what's going on there is no possible way for him to know. We all have to learn to say NO in capital letters at times even if we feel someone's feeling will get hurt. Other wise it's impossible for them to begin to understand. Pace yourself and use the words you use with us to help him understand. It's almost as if you're afraid that he won't understand. Give him an honest opinion when you know that an activity won't be good for you. I know it's not always an easy thing to do but it must be done. The more you do not open up and share with him the more apt you'll be to go into a total flare of your body and then where will you be?? In bed for who knows how long!!!!!!!!

    As for the handicap parking?? I love having mine! Because of it we can park close enough so that I can get to go shopping for myself rather than needing to have someone else do that for me. I can go to church and know that I can get in and out of there by myself with my cane in hand.I can go to the schools to watch special times of my grandchildren such as concerts or things. I can't drive myself but the permits do make it possible for me to have some quality of life beyond our front door.

    Love you,Maineweezie
  12. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Not to worry it takes a whole lot more than that to make me angry!!

    I guess most of the problem with my DH is that everytime I try to tell him about how I feel he just shuts down and gives me that glazed look that lets me know he's not there anymore.

    He actually has tried a little bit more lately, asking me what the doc has to say, etc. But ever since he got angry one day and told me I should go to Virginia Mason and "find out what is really wrong with you" I have been very reluctant to discuss it with him.

    It's tough since he has a really bad back and doesn't let it stop him. He has to have a device to help pull his socks on because he can't reach his feet without it. I know he hurts and still just goes on with things anyway. I guess I'm trying to be as tough as he is. And we all know that is just silly!

    I'll try harder to let him know when I just can't. But then I have a carving roundevous Friday and Saturday this weekend and I didn't feel like I could beg off on something he wanted to do and then go off this weekend and do my thing. I will actually go on Friday (50 mile drive) and if I don't feel up to it on Saturday I won't. Of course I will have Sunday to recoup if I get to go both days.

    I know that he and I both are in denile. And, honest, I will try harder!

    I won't feel right about the handicap parking sticker until I can make DH understand how bad it really is. Since I still work full time it's hard to realize that I really need to admit I need the help. I just feel like DH doesn't believe I need any of this, from pain med to my cane. He saw how hard it was for me walking back from the river on Sunday, but never said anything about it.

    I'm hoping to get DH in to my doc for a physical and I will ask doc to try to make him understand a little more. Doc is wonderful and I know he will try to help me. One thing doc mentioned is that it's more than just pain, it's waking up everyday feeling like you are coming down with the flu. So draining. I want him to try to explain that to DH since he just tunes me out which upsets me and makes me cry and that doesn't help at all!

    Thank you so much for your support and advice. All of you have given me information and suggestions I can use.


    Stop and smell the puppies!
  13. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Maybe if you had the handicapped sticker, hubby wouldn't be able to deny the fact that you're ill....

    I can't imagine trying to hide my illness from the man that I share my life with. That's really sad. (Sorry but I think it's true)

    We're ill, sick, incapacitated, handicapped, bedridden, doing the best we can, in pain etc....and hubby just needs to get over it.

    Trust me, needing help pulling on your socks is NOT the same thing.


    Nancy B

    And hon, if you feel that I'm harping on you, just tell me and I can stop anytime. I know we all have to come to these conclusions on our own, in our own time and you will.....but please be fair to him and at least be who you are in front of him.
    [This Message was Edited on 06/05/2007]
  14. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Oh, how could I not love posts from Hugs!! One can never ever have enough hugs, Hugs!

    You are right of course and I'm not being fair to him or myself. I think a big part of the problem is that I think he will ridicule me if he thinks I'm ill. He won't, but my ex ridiculed me about every little thing and I have a phobia. I'll try harder. Most of the problem is not him, it's me and I am beginning to see that.

    I did better last night. I am still really tired and my neck and shoulders are really sore. I looked like I was sick when I didn't have my glasses on because of how tired my eyes are (never used to have bags but when I'm really tired they are so big when I look down slightly I can see them!). That doesn't show unless I leave my glasses off. I can see the TV, just can't do the crossword puzzle! So I just didn't do the puzzle! So I watched TV without them last night and I think he noticed my eyes.

    I stopped at Wal-Mart this morning. I try to do my shopping on the way to work to save gas and because there is no one in there at 7:00 am! I parked next to a handicapped spot and thought, ya know, I could come here anytime if I had the sticker. Your input has made me think at least!! That's a start!

    Gotta go to work now, they think that's why I come here!

    Hugzz to Hugs

    Smile on purpose!

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