I need someone to slap me in the face, please

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hagardreams, Nov 12, 2006.

  1. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    If you dont have a strong stomach for a living soap opera, please dont read this.
    My 27 year old son moved in, his wife kicked him out and told him she wanted a divorce. This was last weekend. She called me last night and had the nerve to tell me about the new guy that she has been with 3 times already this week. She even went into graphic details, but I wont repeat them. This wasnt a "trying to be mean" thing. She has always been able to talk to me about anything, and she knows that I understand that my son hasnt been very nice to her lately. He asked her for a divorce about 5 months ago, and she freaked out, called me screaming and crying that she could not live without him.
    He finally gave in and went back to her. In the meantime, he has been very rude and hateful to her, not physical, but just hateful. Finally she had enough of it, and I guess some guy she knew at work, that has had crush on her for a very long time, went out with her and some friends from work. They came in about 5 am and the next day she told my son to leave, she wanted a divorce. He came over here, pretty hurt and crying. After a long talk last night, hes doing better, he admitted that this had to happen, and that he just needed time to deal with the pain of it being over with.
    The just of my problem is after I got off the phone, I started crying myself, and realized that she has some serious problems, and that I do love her, but I need to let go of her, because it is causing me too much pain.
    I have always tired to do whats right, and not be a hypocrite and judge anyone, thats not my place, but this really tells me how bad off she is and how my son needs to move on. I want her to be happy, but I also want my son to be happy.
    I hope someone out there can slap me a good one, and get my head on straight about this whole mess. While I am doing my best to keep my mouth shut, and just listen if they need to talk, it just hurt so bad to think about her jumping into something so quickly. Thats her problem, but I do love her like she was my own flesh, and its just hard to let go. I just feel so stupid, but I also want to do whats right. I have too big of a heart, but I know that my son should come first.
    Hes a great kid, he just has some depression problems, and it causes him to not feel good all the time. Shes not a strong person, and cant take care of him like he needs to be taken care of.
    I am so rambling on here, I just feel so sick about all of this, and this will not help my fibro any at all.
    Thanks to all that listened, and if anyone of you have been in my shoes, please advise, and knock some sense into my head.
    God bless, Julie
  2. Summit

    Summit New Member

    yep, those kids are why we get gray hair, LOL Sounds like you are doing the right thing (dont' say anything!) Just be there to listen, and give advice (if it's asked for) Seems like it is best for both of them. Divorce is never easy. Sometimes you have to let go and Let God (so try and remove yourself alittle, for your own healths sake. Time will heal everyone. Take care
  3. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Last night after she called me and told me all that stuff, my son finally came home, and he talked to me until 3 am. He sounded so mature about all of this, admitted to being overly angry towards her, and also said he knew about some guy that had a crush on her at her job.
    I made a point to make sure I didnt say anything to him about what she told me, but it sure makes me made to be put in that position.
    He said he knew it was a matter of time before she jumped into bed with someone, and that if I ever knew anything about that, then he didnt want to know.
    I did feel better after talking with him, except for the fact of knowing what she has done, and i dont like the idea of keeping a secret from him. But after he said that he just didnt want to know, that took some of the pressure off of me. I still feel bad.
    I really am getting sick of this old world we live in, there is so much of this going on out there, and I am just not in a place to deal with it. I like staying indoors, and keep the news off, and just pretending that this will be over with soon. I just hurts so bad.
    God bless, julie
  4. b~kay~b

    b~kay~b New Member

    hi, well youre right, all that will stress you out and isnt going to help the fm. its nice to listen but they are old enough to work out their own problems. dont wanna seem harsh. sorry your son is depressed.i hope it gets better for him, who knows maybe it will now. the best advice i ever got was "i cant tell you what to do, you have to figure things out for yourself and learn from your own choices. if youre not happy with the way things are then figure out how to fix it. just remeber i love you and support you no matter what you do." at first i was like "well what kind of crap is that?" then i realized, it is up to me to make me happy and to better myself. now,also, think of yourself, if you have to let them know if it becomes too much-that it is stressing you out, just say youre not feeling good. dont forget about your health. you dont need a slap in the face, youre a mother, sometimes the kids need to be told, moms are people too. if your sons depression hasnt been addressed by a doc tell him to go to a doc that is one thing you might want to let him know he needs to do, so he can figure things out. julie just dont forget about yourself.god bless you.
  5. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    Hard to do, but can be done with love. Tell your DIL that you really love her an want the best for her. BUT, (always a But), you can not be in the middle of all of this. You understand and you care, but it also involves your son and you also love him.

    Tell her that your health gets worse with stress and you have been warned that it can make you very ill, that you have to avoid it. (Told by us, but you do not have to say that.....LOL).

    When she says...."But...yadda yadda", again gently and lovingly tell her that you do not want to know all that you have to protect your health and your relationship with your son. Just say you understand and care and hope you can still be friends, but no talking about the son....

    Blessings........Susan
  6. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    your son should come first .Do not add to their problems let her go now.Your son is first.