I need spiritual help for a friend...

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Beadlady, Jul 30, 2010.

  1. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    A friend that I work with lost her father last night by a very tragic death. My heart is breaking for my friend and I want to call her tomorrow but I don't want to intrude on the family. Other co-workers think that I can help this person since my father and my brother died the same kind of tragic death.

    There is a local support group and I can call and get the phone numbers and the times of the meetings. Fortunately she is connected with a mental health counselor already for other issues in her life.

    I signed the card that work got for her, but I really didn't know what to say. I didn't know my friend's dad--only met him a couple of times.

    Any help would be appreciated.



  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Many prayers for the friends, family and co-workers of the father who recently passed that they receive comfort, warmth and support during this difficult time. Prayers for Bead and that perhaps she can offer some additional help to this lady who lost her father. May the information below help her.

    Some of the biggest goofs I have heard and read about that people say to a grieving person are as follows (and I indicate next to them why the statements are actually not the best things to say) and below that I give you some ideas of what you can say. And it's a kindness to take her elbow and guide her away if you hear people making comments to her such as these:

    Some not so great things to say to a grieving person (not that you would):

    --the deceased is in a better place (like they were NOT in a good place with their beloved relatives)
    --God has a reason/plan for everything (this really doesn't help a grieving person who has lost a beloved person in a senseless tragedy AND can make some grieving relatives feel the person is saying the deceased deserved to die for sins or God purposely took their loved one away due to something else in their life. Steer clear of this one).
    --At least he lived a long life. (what??? He could have lived an even longer life and it is no comfort that he lived this long and died so short of living an even longer and wonderful life.)
    --at least their suffering is over (Does anyone actually feel good to have it stated that the loved one did suffer?? This isn't a comforting statement to make and a good one to skip)
    --Did he leave you the house? (yes, some crummy people who may deal in real estate may decide to scramble to try to conduct business ASAP after a death and some even scan the death notices for potential new clients--the relatives-- of hot properties in their community).

    Here are some helpful and comforting things you can say and I think the last one has the greatest impact for someone grieving:

    --I am so sorry for your loss.
    --I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
    --I don’t know how you feel, but I am here If can help in anyway (even though you went through a tragedy yourself, everyone deals with it differently so no one knows how the other feels).
    --You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
    --my favorite memory of your loved one is… (I really think this is so appreciated because it is a very special memory from you to the grieving person of a wonderful time you had with their loved one. And certainly may help when thoughtless people say dumb things to them during their grieving.)

    Bringing over fully cooked food that can just be reheated is a help because the ones left behind may have no energy or desire to cook, but if food is already prepared, it can help. A lovely looking fruit basket can help give them a snack if they aren't eating. If they are not functioning, then helping to arrange for someone to walk the dog for a while may be a great favor. Your kindness and your ear if they are willing to talk will be so important to being part of helping them through all this.

    That's just some quick ideas and Bead, bless you for being so thoughtful.

    [This Message was Edited on 07/31/2010]
  3. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    Thanks for the help it is appreciated. Sometimes this Fibro brain just can not put it all together.
  4. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    Good of you to think of this friend. What were the things that brought you comfort when you
    went thru your own loss? Was there any particular thing somebody said you felt soothed hearing?
    A kind gesture which helped?

    Prayng for this friend for her recovery from her loss.

    God Bless