I need to vent, so incredibly sad tonight

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by XKathiX, Dec 1, 2005.

  1. XKathiX

    XKathiX New Member

    I just need to unload because I feel so weird, depressed, horrible, strange. I can't even really pinpoint an emotion.

    I stopped drinking coffee last weekend. On Monday I started drinking "the shake" and eating right again. I've been eating salads and vegetables and have been drinking herbal tea. Today I started aquatic therapy to try to help the pain (cortisone injections from a week and a half ago already wore off).

    I feel like I'm trying so very hard to do the right thing and it's not getting me anywhere. Today was the first day that the pain in my rear end was so bad I had to stand up at my desk at work because I couldn't stand to sit anymore.

    I have no social life and no fun things to do. I'm living on the edge tonight by staying up after 9:00 to watch ER. Of course I'll pay tomorrow morning when I have to get up for work.

    I'm just so tired of this (okay now the tears are starting). I feel like my whole life is work, sleep, and trying to dodge the pain. I took a Vicodin tonight because the Voltarin just isn't cutting it. I don't even know if I'm suppose to take the Vicodin while on Voltarin but I just couldn't stand it anymore.

    I just want something to look forward to. I just want to be able to live and not be in pain physically or mentally. Then to top it off I feel guilty for feeling sad.

    Sorry to be gloomy, but I'm hoping writing about this will help.

    -Kathi
  2. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    I am sorry to hear that you are having a bad night. Please don't make it worse by adding guilt to the mix. The constricted lifestyle imposed by these diseases would make anybody sad.

    How much coffee had you been drinking? People who drink very much coffee can become addicted to it and experience withdrawal symptoms if they stop suddenly. If you have been drinking very much, it might be easier resume drinking most of it for a week or two while the effects of the shake 'kick in'. Then slowly reduce the amount of coffee.

    Hope you are enjoying ER.
  3. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    I know exactly how you are feeling!! I have been crying on and off all day!

    I just get soooo sick and tired of feeling like crap mentaly and physically. I just don't know what to do.

    I just went to the Dr. today again and said look.. I can not take it any more. Well, they just pile on the drugs. Well I can't handle the drugs.. And then get accuse of not working with her ( MY Dr.). I just don't now what we are suppose to do.

    Please don't feel guilty at all.. We are here to listen to what ever you want to say!! We all understand!

    I would LOVE to be a FUN person again...

    Hope you have a better day tomorrow!

    SherylD

  4. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    Look at all the hard changes you are making, Kathi, to help yourself feel beter. You stopped coffee, you're eating better, and you're using "the shake" which has helped so many of us here. Pat yourself on the back, girl! (((( ))))

    It could be the changes you are making now that are making you feel worse than before. But they are positive changes that will pay off. I admire your courage to try things like this, and your strength in sticking with it. And I'm so glad you're HERE, sharing with us about it.

    Keep writing and letting us know how you are. (((love!)))
  5. silky17

    silky17 New Member

    I know how you feel kiddo, I feel the same. But you are a bit worse off than I. I have been able to be off work. I started to recieve SS but man its not easy. Barely anything to live on. But I feel so blessed that I can just quit if I am feeling bad. It does seem though that there are very few good days. I just want to scream. Lately I feel I have become somewhat of an addict myself.No ,.not with pain killers but with junk. Junkfood that is. I know it doesn't make me get any better but I guess I am trying to fill the emptiness and the unhappiness I feel so much.

    Hang in there kiddo and good luck to you,
    Debbie

    P.S. God bless you too!
  6. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    I actually had a good day today, but SAD was sucking me down until I got my lamp and started light therapy. You'll have good days again too, but you may have to self talk yourself through these bad ones until they come. My favourite reminder is "This too shall pass".

    Why are you quitting coffee btw? It does some people a world of good and research is proving it has many benifits and is not the evil they thought it was, given that you keep it to a few cups a day. It can be bad for IBS, esp. w/ diarrhea, but if you are just quitting because you think it's healthier then you may want to rethink that and just enjoy.

    The common withdrawal symtoms from coffee are fatigue and headache, not depression though. But you could add it back just to make sure that isn't the biggest culprit. Too many changes too quick can backfire on us, we tend to be sensitive to that too.


    Jeanne
  7. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I do not drink coffee as I do not like it.

    My husband though decided to quit coffee and this is what he did. He bought a can of de-caff. When he made a pot of coffee he subsituted one spoon full of de-caff and the rest was regular coffee. He did that for a week........then started using two spoon fulls of de-caff and rest regular coffee for a week ETC,

    Of course he finally got to just decaff.....and did not have any problems. He had tried going right straight to decaff before and it did not work, he got headaches, upset stomach, etc. then.
    GOOD LUCK
  8. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    I don't have any words of advice. I care about you and your continuing pain. a big hug from me to you...Jana
  9. Truesun

    Truesun New Member

    Hi Kathi,
    You took the words right out of my mouth. This is my first time leaving a message but I wanted to tell you you're not alone. I am still awake because the pain is so bad and the Percocet has worn off. I can't work any more so my life is trying to take care of my family and keep a smile on my face so my kids don't know how bad it is. The pain has gotten 10x worse since I started treatment for CFIDS two months ago and I don't know how long I can stick with it. I have been reading my horoscope online=not that I even really believe in them, just to read if something good is coming my way.
    I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I read the other messages, just to remember this.
    -Melinda
  10. Musica

    Musica New Member

    I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Hang in there, it does take time for changes to take effect. Plus, changes in and of themselves can be stressful, and depressing if we give up something. Not to mention the physical effects of caffeine withdrawal, not just from coffee but even from soda pop.

    I know it doesn't help you feel better, except hopefully it does to know that we are here for you.
  11. kch64

    kch64 New Member

    If you missed your morning coffee and now you have a headache and difficulty concentrating, you might be able to blame it on caffeine withdrawal. In general, the more caffeine consumed, the more severe withdrawal symptoms are likely to be, but as little as one standard cup of coffee a day can produce caffeine addiction, according to a Johns Hopkins study that reviewed over 170 years of caffeine withdrawal research.

    Results of the Johns Hopkins study should result in caffeine withdrawal being included in the next edition of the DSM or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, considered the bible of mental disorders, and the diagnosis should be updated in the World Health Organization's ICD, or The International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems.

    "Caffeine is the world's most commonly used stimulant, and it's cheap and readily available so people can maintain their use of caffeine quite easily," says Roland Griffiths, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry and neuroscience at Johns Hopkins. "The latest research demonstrates, however, that when people don't get their usual dose they can suffer a range of withdrawal symptoms, including headache, fatigue, difficulty concentrating. They may even feel like they have the flu with nausea and muscle pain."

    Griffiths, and colleague Laura Juliano, Ph.D., of American University published these findings in the October 2004 issue of the journal Psychopharmacology, available online now.

    "Despite more than a century and a half of investigation into caffeine withdrawal, doctors and other health professionals have had no scientifically based framework for diagnosing the syndrome," says Griffiths. "Our goal was to critically review the literature regarding caffeine withdrawal to validate the symptoms and signs of illness associated with it, and to determine how often withdrawal produced clinically significant distress."

    In their review, the researchers identified 57 experimental studies and nine survey studies on caffeine withdrawal, and examined each to assess the validity of the reported findings.

    The researchers identified five clusters of common withdrawal symptoms: headache; fatigue or drowsiness; dysphoric mood including depression and irritability; difficulty concentrating; and flu-like symptoms of nausea, vomiting and muscle pain or stiffness. In experimental studies, 50 percent of people experienced headache and 13 percent had clinically significant distress or functional impairment -- for example, severe headache and other symptoms incompatible with working. Typically, onset of symptoms occurred 12 to 24 hours after stopping caffeine, with peak intensity between one and two days, and for a duration of two to nine days. In general, the incidence or severity of symptoms increased with increases in daily dose, but abstinence from doses as low as 100 milligrams per day, or about one small cup of coffee, also produced symptoms.

    The research also showed that avoidance of caffeine withdrawal symptoms motivates regular use of caffeine. For example, the satisfying feelings and perceived benefits that many coffee users experience from their morning coffee appear to be a simple reversal of the negative effects of caffeine withdrawal after overnight abstinence.

    But there is good news for those wishing to quit caffeine: A simple, stepwise approach can often eliminate the need for a "fix" without suffering the most severe withdrawal symptoms.

    "We teach a systematic method of gradually reducing caffeine consumption over time by substituting decaffeinated or non-caffeinated products. Using such a method allows people to reduce or eliminate withdrawal symptoms," says Griffiths.

    According to the report, caffeine is the most widely used behaviorally active drug in the world. In North America, 80 percent to 90 percent of adults report regular use of caffeine. Average daily intake of caffeine among caffeine consumers in the United States is about 280 milligrams, or about one to two mugs of coffee or three to five bottles of soft drink, with higher intakes estimated in some European countries. In the United States, coffee and soft drinks are the most common sources of caffeine, with almost half of caffeine consumers ingesting caffeine from multiple sources, including tea.

    ###

    The study was funded in part by the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

    On the Web:

    http:/?/?neuroscience.jhu.edu/?peopledetail.asp?ID=48

    SO SEE, You're having withdrawal and it's making you worse.

    Hope this helps.
    HUGS
    Kendra
  12. XKathiX

    XKathiX New Member

    By all of your responses, but this time it was happy tears. Thank you so much.

    I had stopped the coffee because I need to lose weight and I just cannot drink coffee without cream and sugar. I was drinking 2 pots a day, one regular pot in the am and one decaf when I get home from work. Some of the teas I'm drinking have caffeine, so I'm not completely without it but you are all right I am probably having withdrawal. So I think I will start drinking it again and do the gradual mixing in of decaf to get off of it.

    By bum is a little better today, I haven't had to stand up at my desk (good thing I look pretty silly). The aquatic therapy was good, but it was definitely work!

    The program is through an area hospital. The pool is like a really hugely oversized jacuzzi (it's kept at a very nice 90 degrees). When you first go in, you do a series of stretches for both arms and legs. Then they wrap a flotation belt on your hips and bring you to the deep end where you pretend you are peddeling a bicycle or running for about 20 minutes. They take your pulse a couple of times to see if you are getting to an aerobic level. The guy was cute when he took my pulse he said "how young are you". I'm 40 and my rate was 116 which was "okay for your first try". Are you kidding me? I was dying!! When he took it the second time it was 124 and I thought it would be lower. So I didn't do to bad.

    The hardest part was when you are doing the stretches, there is a slight current in the pool so it's tough to keep your balance. The pool is a Swimex - so I went on line to look at them. They do sell them for homes and the are really small - you actually swim in place and adjust the current as needed so that you stay in the same place. Unfortunately they start at somthing like $23,000!

    Thank you all so much for the encouragement - it truly makes a difference!

    Hugs all around,
    -Kathi
  13. JPach007

    JPach007 New Member

    Hi Kathi,
    Today is a new day..I hope you are feeling better. I read your bio, and think you have come along way. Not everyone has been through all that you have.
    I guess the best advice I can give (you already know), take one day at a time and try to conquer small hills before mountains. I think you are on the right track eating better, water excersise.
    Hang in there and remember we are here for you!
    JPach