I over did it yesterday

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Mar 23, 2012.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I went out yesterday, first to take my Mom to the doctor. That went better than I expcected as she had fallen a couple of days before. So far she is just brusied and her back hurts more than usual. But there have not been any complacitions like bleeding from taking blood thinners.
    Today I went to the Rehumy who informed me that I have stablized not that I have a cule what that means. I had slowed down on my meds reducing them alot. But I am in so much pain today as I walked around K-mart yesterday, I just got a cart and pushed it all around the whole store. By the time I got home yesterday I was exhusted and could not stay awake , I slept for a couple of hours. Then I got up and sat on the chair and kept dozing off . Even after my hubby got home, I was so exhusted that I kept falling alseep and he doesn't get it.

    Today I am really sore that is why I don't get the your stablized bit from my doctor. I can't take lyricia, cymbalta, or any of the drugs that I have been told ease fibro pain. Some I can't afford others I am alergic to so I make do with the pain meds and muscle relaxant , xanax, and visteril.

    I really hate the feeling of exhustion, fatique, and the pain all mixed together. I am so tired of hurting and feeling like i need a nap but knowing that if i give in I wouldn't sleep at night. I don't sleep in the bed as it is not comfortable for me and by the time I do go to bed my hubby has gotten up and left the bed all pulled apart. So I have to remake it before I can go to sleep.

    I am just plain tired of people who don't understand what I have. I am not overdosing on my meds when I doze off , I am just plain exhusted and am so fatiqued that I just can't move and don't want to. I need to do dishes but I am so tired that I don't want to, I need to vaccum but I am so tired that I could scream. I want a clean house and dishes done, but I don't have the energy to clean up my own house.

    Hubby went to bed with out saying a word to me, dont' know if he thought I was alseep or not. Oh wel there is not much I can do about it. I know that he thinks I take too many pain meds and I don't. I watch how much I take and I only get them refilled once a month never closer than 30 days. some are even longer . I dont' know how to get it across that I am sick and in pain and that I can't do all that I want. When I over do it I pay for it too. MY body hurts so much and the all over pain is worse.
    Thanks for letting me vent. I have got to do the dishes now. Before my hubby comes home.

    Thanks Rosemarie
  2. clementyne

    clementyne New Member

    So sorry you are not feeling well. I know what you mean about over doing it. For a long time now, I have had to hoard my energy. I know if I do too much, I will pay for it.

    Someone wrote (on here, I think) that they only plan to do one thing a day, for instance, lunch with a friend or a movie with a friend but not both. Shopping really wears me out, so if I go shopping with someone else, I always tell them that I may need to stop to rest or leave early. If they don't understand, I just figure they are missing a sensitivity gene and don't plan shopping with them again.

    So many people truly don't understand that this is a real disease - and why should they? Even many Dr.'s still don't believe it! And we look fine ... how could we be sick? But you know how you feel and you know you are not over taking your pain meds.

    There have been times when I took more pain meds than i was allowed in a day because I hurt so bad but on other days when I didn't, I took less and put the ones I had not taken in another pill bottle, that way I had some extra for those really bad days and I didn't worry about it if I needed to take a couple extra on certain days.

    A few years ago my Dr. allowed me 6 Vicodin a day, later he would only give me 4. I asked him to up it and he said he couldn't do that but he had before so I knew he wasn't telling the truth. Now, with the Savella, I only need 1 or 2 a day, so I don't worry about being addicted anymore.

    Another thing I do is clean with the t.v. on. when a commercial comes on, I go do the dishes, clean the bathroom, whatever. When the show comes back on, I go sit down again. I get my house clean but i haven't killed myself doing it.

    Have you ever had your husband read a few of the posts in the 'How to Explain Fibro' topic? It could be very informative for him and help him understand.

    Hope you have a better day tomorrow, know that you are not alone!

  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I have tried for years to get my husband to read any thing about fibro, but he won't read it. To him it is a matter of mind over matter{ Pain} If I just don't think about it or dwell on it I still can do what ever I want. I feel that both he and my girls think that if I would just get up off my butt and lose weight I would feel so much better I would not need any pain meds at all.

    Also if I have a problem sleeping then I should change my habits , go to bed earlier , wake up earlier , I have tried but when you lay in bed for over an hour and your still awake , alert, and have too much on my mind. All that does is stress me out and I can't sleep.

    My story starts out when I was about 4 yrs old and had bad leg aches all the time, the family doctor said to give me vitiman C and asprin not the best cure it didn't help. By the time I hit my teens I still had leg aches and horriable cramps that got worse every month. I had my first surgery when I was 20 yrs old , I had my tonsils out. It was one of the most painful surgery I have had done ever.

    Also my dad passed away nine days before I turned 13. I had problems with the man my mother dated for seven years. It is very personal and painfull to talk about and hard to talk about. This man is now dead and I know that I need to put the past in the past . IT is not going to help me to feel better dwelling on the things that happened in the past. I some times really wish that I could forget the past and get over it.

    Due to health problems I had a to total hyerestectomy, removal of my tubes , overies, cervix and uterus and appendix. I was 34 yrs old. having a total hyerster at age 34 sent me in to full blown menopause, I was given hormone theray which helped a bit but did'nt ease the loss of any future babies. I had wanted to have at least one more. But I could not get pregnant the year before my hyesterectomy. But it didn't stop the pain I was always in , my cramps were gone but I still felt them , no parts but I had lost something that day that surgery. It took me a lot of time to get over the loss of not being able to have any more children. But that surgery effected me in other ways and with relationships as well. My husband changed after my hyeresteretomy , it was like I was not a woman any more and didn't need him in that way or so it seems to me.

    I have gone thru 4 laperoscopies in my 20's, a hyersterectomy at age 34, started having more body pain , leg and knee pain all the time. I have been blessed with three beautiful daughters who have blessed me and my husband with 5 grandson and 2 granddaughters, there are a few more to come in the future. I am blessed to still have my momma who is now 84 and is in very poor health.
    When I was in college I had a event that made me stop and think about my mom and who would take care of her when she could not take care of herself. I would, and I do , not as much as I want to do but I take her to the doctors and uptown, I help her in every way I can.

    But momma does not understand how having fibro and cmsp affects me . I have tried to explain to her how pain full it is to go to church, to sit in the audience and have to listen to babies crying all the time. little children screaming and whining, the buzzing of the lights and microphone, the chatter of all the people and it feels like I am being stabbed with little needles all over my body, the pain is horrialbe and i can't control the sounds that keep getting louder and louder till i can't stand it any more and have to leave.

    The pain is so bad all over my body i just want to curl up and cry becasue I can't cope with the pain any more. I feel like the sounds, noise's get inside of my body and take over pinching muscles and poking nerves, sounds take control of my body and it is the worst pain I have ever felt and had to live thru. The sad thing is that I can't put it in to words so people understand that it is the pain that is in my body that is so bad thatI have to leave , I can't cope with the pain that does not ever leave my body.

    There are not words to discribe what it feels like to be inside a church where all the sounds noise's over whelm me and drive me to tears. Or what a flare feels like and that I am not making it up when I say I am having a flare up of my fibro, cmps, oesteo-arthritis, I feel like i have been run over by a mcack truck, flattened by a steam roller, beaten with a baseball stick all at the same time.

    And then I am to act like i feel fine and nothing is wrong with me and i don'ta ve any reason to be in so much pain and need to just let the pain go away, stop thinking about it , feeling it, How do i do that?
    I liive in a world of pain all the time. some times it is not so bad and yet others it is worse than aany surgery you could think of with out being put out for it and having no pain meds to ease the pain.

    I still managed to work full time when I could. I was a nurse's aide in high school and college , wanted to be a nurse but i found that being on my feet and hurting all the time for reasons i didn't understand and still don't. No doctor knew what was wrong with me no blood clots, boroken bones, blood condtitions just a never ending pain in all my muscles and nerves. AT times the tingling in my legs and feet were really bad, but there were nooo medicl tests that said what i had.Doctors I had known all my life suddenly didn't understand why I was having so many headaches that not only made my head ache but my whole body ache. All the time. Pain had taken over my life, things i had always done i could not do any more, I was always so fatiqued and exhusted .

    Why the pain pills that my doctor wrote out in a script didn't last more than a few days. When you have a head ache that makes you hurt all over and it never lessens you don't just take one pill daily and say i feel better and have the T3, last you for 6 months, or why didn't the soma last for longer than a few weeks.

    Almost 8 years ago I tripped and fell, shattering my left wrist and breaking the radius badly, Ii needed to have surgery and have it fixed with a titianum plate and six screws. Now I have oesteo arthritis in my left wrist and constand pain in the wrist, can't lift much and my grip is not as good as it used to be. I was put on a dosage of 5 100 mg of mscontin a day, up to 4 MSir daily, soma 4 x daily, and visteril to stop the itching. I slowly noticed that I was not taking all the pills in a month and when I had to chamge doctors i asked him to reduce the amount of pills i took, now i take 2 60 mg mscontin, 2-3 hyromophone 4 mg and soma and visteril and xanax,I developed paniac attacks a number of years ago right after hyesterectomy and have now been on xanax for 22 yrs. I have not uped the dosage in a mumber of years.

    Now that I have told you my life story you know all about me. I have learned that my DH does not understand illness's he can't see or can't be found wwoith out a blood test. IN the32 yrs of marriage we have been thru so much , first we lost his grandparents and then my mom got sick with blood clots and heart problems, then his dad got sick and eventulaly passed away.
    His mom had lupus and when she got sick we were told that she had no immune system and would not live thru the night. She was all happy aned telling us not to worry about her as she would be home in a day or so. Well it took 22 days for her to pass away. And right at that time my Dh decieded he wanted a divorce, it was a mess, but we did all the things a good married couple do in situtaions like that fake it and made it look like we were together supporting each other. He didn't ever go thru with teh divorce and we are going to be married 32 yrs this Sept.

    We watched his brother die from an illness that I dont' even know what was he just wasted away. I think some times the reason he does not belive in my havoing fibro , cmsp and d dd ,, bulging disc's ect. He never got a good staright answer from his fathers doctors or from his mothers, and now he has some of the same problems but won't go to the doctor as he thinks that they won't know whta it is and bruh him off like he feels they did to his parents.

    When my female problems got worse and I had more headaches and body pain my own md could not tell me why I felt like i did. And he would give me the pain meds and still tell me that i needed to reduce taking them or I would become an addict. I think he feels i am an addict as I doze off wwwhile people are talking to me and have fallen alsleep in the bathroom ect. He has never had the disease's explained to him as to why I am in so much pain all the time for no reaal reason that shows.

    I don't think he knows that what pain i feel , the exhustion I haev and the extreme fatique that is always ere is realll, and that there are reasons for it. To him i should just learn to live with it and move on , don't dwell on it. let it go. letting constant pain go, he does not get it as to why I can't let it all go and just be like I used to be. Alive and happy and not in all this pain...
    He is a good man and I love him dearly, he is one that needs proof to understand things resasons as to why i have pain that is not normal and my nerves don't act right. My body does not act right, I am tired when I have not done any thing, I can't stand loud noices and much more.

    Thanks for letting me vent, sorry about the novel abot me.
  4. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I'm really sorry for all the pain and exhaustion you (and everyone else on tihs board!) has to endure just for trying to live their lives. And it is that much more difficult when family and friends don't understand, or even try to. My ex-husband was like yours - thought it was all in my head, so he's now my ex - it was way too stressful to stay with him. I have CFS, not FM, so I don't deal with pain, but I do pay big time when I overdo my limited energy supply.

    Do you take magnesium and malic acid, or magnesium malate? I have read that this combination helps many people with fibro with both pain and energy. There have been several posts about it. It really can make a big difference.

    One more thing - you might want to look into EMDR (eye movement desensitisation reprocessing) - it's an extremely effective form of therapy for dealing with trauma (and just about anything else). It works much quicker and better than traditional talk therapy alone. There are thousands of therapists trained in this technique (see emdr.com). It helped me get my life back after childhood trauma, which it sounds like you are dealing with on top of everything else. It worked for me after years of "talk" therapy did very little.

    Take care -

  5. lisadot

    lisadot New Member

    Wow, you have endured so much. I am so sorry. I think emotional pain is often worse than physical pain. Eventually I believe it does lead to *real* physical pain. To have all those injuries and surgeries is so traumatic. And to have pain since you were just a child (btw, are you sure you don't have restless legs syndrome? It's not *visible* to doctors, yet can be so disabling! And the fact you've fallen asleep in the bathroom probably due to lack of sleep from it?!) Taking care of sick parents is no small task either. It's all draining.

    I don't know why there is such doubt in society about fibromyalgia. It's just as real as a migraine headache. It's worse in some ways, because it's all over the body for most people, and wears you out so much - on a daily basis. When our loved ones don't get it, it's so discouraging and can be extremely rejecting to feel so doubted.

    I understand the desire to avoid noise and kids being kids. I cannot tolerate screeching or noisy kids. It makes me nuts inside. It's just sensory overload upon an already overloaded nervous system. You have to take care of yourself - even if it means you excuse yourself from an activity.

    I'm sure your husband loves you. He probably feels helpless to fix things, and men don't tend to like that. Pain pills don't even fix it all. Doctors don't know how to fix it all either. It sounds like he may have a lot of anxiety himself over his own health, but is afraid to deal with it.

    Neither my husband or I sleep real well - him with his restless legs and anxiety and me with my fibro - so we now listen to the radio on our tv. Music which is more like massage music - just super mellow until we both drift off to sleep. We put the tv on a timer, so we don't awaken to it later.

    I have heard positive things about EMDR, but I also feel a good therapist can help you to heal emotionally from pain you endured psychologically (perhaps even more!). Not all therapists are helpful, and some do make things worse - it's like finding a good doctor.

    I try to find beauty or peace in simple things - even watching a bird, just to take my mind off my pain and other stuff - just for a minute or two. I push myself to take the dog around the block. When you are in pain it's easy to get lost. It just sucks you into a spiral, and it can be hard to get out of it. I hope you feel better soon. I really do.