I really need to hear a kind word please?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by blkkat, Apr 17, 2007.

  1. blkkat

    blkkat New Member

    hi , I'm having a real bad day!!!! its too long to go into but does anyone here seem we get our feelings hurt more than (well people?)

    or is it just ME????? GOD BLESS---BLKKAT
  2. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I hope that your doing better now. I know that having a bad day can wreck your day. I hope that you will be feeling better soon. take care of your self and know that there is are lots of people who really care about you and how you feel. You are a sweet person that is caring and kind. I pray that tomorrow will be better for you.
    ~HUGS~
    Roseamrie
  3. blkkat

    blkkat New Member

    sadly though what if your married to one ? BLKKAT
  4. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    I can tell you I feel very sensitive - my heart is more compassionate now - especially since all this happened to me - so sometimes my sensitivity is overwhelming.

    I think it is the body's way of protecting itself. Brain and body are one and I really believe they interact to protect us - even by making us emotionally sensitive...

    Elisabeth
  5. GigglePoet

    GigglePoet New Member

    HI Kitty~
    So sorry you are having a bad day..I hope tomorrow will be better. It seems that most people that have this thing are sensitive loving caring individguals. I don't get my feelings hurt often, but ya know when you are in severe pain it just magnifies everything. Are you having trouble with your hubby blkkat? I am with mine..it makes things even more complicated and stressful for us, if you are do share,well lend a sholder..

    Hugzzzzzzzzz Dee
  6. wrthster

    wrthster New Member

    First Blkkat I hope tomorrow is a lot better for you. And what all of you said is very wise and I agree completely. I feel we are all sensitive and this disease makes us a lot more so. And you are right, people seem to know who to push are buttons. And I have let a lot of people go, b/c sometimes I find it easier to just be alone.
  7. To answer your question, though--are you meaning, do people with illnesses (like ours) get our* feelings hurt more easily, or often than healthy* people??

    If so, then, yes..absolutely some of us. To be ill, go through what we go through--most have seen ###'s of doctors, dealt with friends, family, DOCTORS who didn't understand..or believe* them...

    I know, that after being ill for quite a while, my mom, (who also has fibro, diverticulitis, & diabetes, & RA) even told me, several times..that I was twisting things, and getting my feelings hurt etc.. I didn't see it at all- I've *always* been a 'sensitive' and DEEPLY caring person...but, she was saying I'd changed, and that I'd twisted a lot of things around, the wrong way* and felt hurt....apparently- 'unjustifiably" you could call it...

    I still didn't see it...her saying that to me...just hurt my feelings again..that SHE didn't agree with me about the way a certain doctor treated me...she actually did NOT feel he meant this or that...or a certain way...and, I was hurt that SHE didn't see it or take it, how I did...and, *suprised* even, because 'she couldn't see it' and my mother and I are very very close...My sister & I have had an extremely close relationship with her..so, I felt ? betrayed that she disagreed..and also that she'd felt that *I* was being 'too sensitive'..rather than the other person having been too *insensitive*..as I'd taken it


    For a long time...actually...I repeatedly got my feelings hurt...by EVERYONE.. I think it's understandable.. they say we kind of go through 'the 5 stages of grief' with chronic illness, cycling through the 5 stages..(guilt, blame, grief, bargaining, acceptance???)

    I know, NOW, that...and in many* cases, for me..ALL of my emotions at times, were due to medications... I have cycled..and *recycled* some of the grieving stages...but, I became extremely* ill, at 22, married just 4 months at the time...I'd not even been home from boot camp a year yet, and LOVEEEED being a combatmedic in the national guards..landed my "dream-job"..dream man..etc.. and....

    The whole thing got "yanked" right out of my grasp (boo hoo wah me.. I have a point, with this, LOL, I do..)

    I was stuck* so to speak..in a phase..that, I did not see, even after it was pointed out to me, many times.. as I'd said...pointing 'it' out to me....hurt my feelings all over again, and even worse...I always felt like people were 'sizing me up' about my illness, by appearance, (if they were, they saw a scrawny, pale, slow-unsteady- walking 22 yr old, anyways! )

    That's not to say, that any or everyone, goes through the same emotional journeys...(OR sometimes.....roller coaster ride from HE**) the same..

    Men, maybe any on the board, might be able to tell us-- I've noticed...just throughout my family, generations, my in-laws, friends brothers, fathers, spouse's..etc men..seem to stick with *denial* and...anger.. moreso, or..from the start..not all* men..just saying...men tend* to ignore their health..prolonging doctors visits, check ups..etc and, in society... MEN CAN'T have 'FIBROMYALGIA"...so to speak...so..they may first be in denial, of illness, and then angry, as well..

    Whereas..some women, some ages, gender, heck even race? Who knows, but we deal with things, differently...women may go through *grieving* sooner, or be 'stuck' in it, longer...we're just more emotional/hormones.. and may not shift into anger....at all (?? I know of no one..though, lol who skipped right on through anger- yes I do..my grandmother)

    Ok.. having rambled on about allll that.. (i am soooo drowsy..but never sleep!) Some people, pre-illness, already were 'sensitive' people, to the point of yes, getting their feelings hurt easier...(nothing wrong with that...the whole world should be "too sensitive"!) Illness, time alone/bedridden, non-stop drs visits, and the way those drs treat you sometimes--will definitely strip away any self-esteem, or dignity a person has left, after also losing their job- or facing that, soon ...some, losing friends..even family members... it certainly IS and WOULD be an emotionally trying time, to put it extremely mildly..

    Illness, over time, takes away who we 'were' and we start to forget, and feel like all we ARE is either: our illness(es), an insurance 'code', and exhausted, ill, (BROKE!), and guilt, over depending on family members after XX years of being an adult, etc..

    And so, my longgggg point being..we are definitely emotionally fragile...while learning how to deal with sooo much pain..in just one body, and just all the conditions & problems that come along with this illness...trying to learn to live with* it, and usually taking verbal/emotional abuse from SOMEONE while going through this.. (friend, family, spouse, co-worker, siblings with 'cure-alls' or, "if you'd just join the gym with me" cures...etc)

    I also know, for ME, from experience...SOME meds, I have been on through the years, that I KNEW I did not need, but, 'wanted to be compliant' with the drs.. on SOME of the medications* I'd never been so weepy, sleepy, confused, hungry, not* hungry, extremely agitated (STEROIDS--WHEW!),

    alll the anti-depressants, not only caused me severe physical symptoms, I also never had such morbid, yucky, dark, constant thoughts, never more gruesome nightmares, etc... and,

    an *anti-convusant* I'd have never expected..even though known to be ABLE to cause severe agitation, irrational behavior, etc... I did NOT think that it, of all my meds, would cause me to be SUCH a different person.. but, over the 2 yrs I had stayed on it...I was miserably just...furious* with the entire world..all the time...and only after the rage truly started getting out of control, did I talk to the doctor, and said "WHAT is going ON!?"

    So,I mean, yes..some of us are just naturally more sensitive than others, and we were born* that way..
    Others may cycle through a 'phase' due to struggling with being ill..
    Medications- we take them for d**n near everything, quite a few are messing with chemicals up there.. how would those not change a person in time..

    Again, I'm sorry you had a bad day, hang in there, and we've ALL gotten our feelings hurt, many times over..

    Take care.

    Laura
  8. blkkat

    blkkat New Member

    funny you must of read my brain. i had wrote out what was going on but thought it would be pulled do to OFF subject. well i love him and he takes good care of us but its getting harder and harder to deal with him ( people, kids ) i think im losing my mind!!! i yell, cry and I'm always sad.

    yes I'm on Prozac, that lovely drug that doesn't help w/the bed area if you get what I'm saying . i got yelled at for letting my daughter go with her 19 yr old brother to the mall. one, i get what he means. yes she was a butt yesterday but we just pulled her from school and i home school her, and shes 14 and misses her friends, so thought I'd let her go.

    mind you I've never let her go there w/out me going, so for me and her it was a big fun deal. hes always been on me for not letting go of the kids . so at last i let GO and wham hes yelling why would you let her go after shes been so bad. yes i get what he means but i thought maybe we as parents need to let her act more grown up and maybe shed realize hey if I'm nicer, they'd treat me a lot better.

    also I'm sad because i had to give up one of the things i was very proud of, i always did our bills , for 15 years, and never once was late on one, well a few months back guess what , yep i forgot a bill.

    then i just couldn't deal with them. so gave it over to him, very hard for me to do cause i don't clean much anymore.

    i don't cook, shop, i dont do anything except suck air!!!!!

    well he forgot to pay a bill this month so i called him at work to make sure if he sent it or what happened to it, well he yelled at me and said you never gave me all the info for him to do the bills, so its my fault and to fix it. i did.

    i just seem to not be able to do anything right anymore. i feel like just driving and never stop. but i can't i have no place to go or any money.

    I'm so sad. giggle you have been so nice to me , in all my posts ,thank you , you are my friend. wish you were here!

    GOD BLESS--BLKKAT ((( P.S thankyou all ! your all so caring!))))
    [This Message was Edited on 04/17/2007]
  9. blkkat

    blkkat New Member

  10. Reidsbeads

    Reidsbeads New Member

    Direct tv has had me in tears for two days treating me like crap when I am a customer. Maybe we are sensative
    and maybe we have a right to feel the way we feel by other peoples actions.
    We are fighting in a crewl world where no one cares about anyone elses feelings except there own.
    Our world probably makes us more sensative because we have been battered and bruised by everyday life, so when we get hurt or offended we take it harder than the people that have the strength to fight. )))))))))HUGS(((((((((((((
    Tam
  11. Reidsbeads

    Reidsbeads New Member

    Direct tv has had me in tears for two days treating me like crap when I am a customer. Maybe we are sensative
    and maybe we have a right to feel the way we feel by other peoples actions.
    We are fighting in a crewl world where no one cares about anyone elses feelings except there own.
    Our world probably makes us more sensative because we have been battered and bruised by everyday life, so when we get hurt or offended we take it harder than the people that have the strength to fight.
    You Get To Feel What You Feel, that no one can take from us!
    )))))))))HUGS((((((((((((( TAM
  12. obrnlc

    obrnlc New Member

    hi blkkat
    i think we do, mostly because we are so used to getting SLAMMED by the medical community, dis. companies, even in our families, etc.
    it IS hard for a spouse to deal with, they look at it as though this once equal partner now CHOOSES to sit around and eat narcotics all day long, until they get a little more educated.
    try to educate him more, and he might be a little more receptive to that it you get the other issue you mentioned fixed--I found for myself, not sure about any others, that getting OFF THE PROZAC and starting wellbutrin fixed that problem, i had been on prozac so long (2001) that i didn't even realize, and blamed it all on this DD, but when i switched and got that area "straightened out" he became a whole lot more receptive to understanding and helping, since i was able to become more of a partner again.

    mine was always good to me thru this, and i am so fortunate, but this correction made us so much closer and he can't help me out enough anymore!

    good luck to you--L
  13. Engel

    Engel New Member

    I think we are slightly more sensitive and get upset and/or hurt by actions (or lack of action) and comments (well meaning or otherwise). I am so sorry you are having a really bad day. I try to take things with a grain of salt but sometimes it is reallllly hard to do so. It seems WE have to be the ones to take the high road (so to speak) to avoid further conflict. My Dad was supposed to take me to the Rheumy yesterday but he is really not very nice to me so I told him I could handle it and he sure didn't argue. He says he never has time to do anything he wants to do ... but that is another story. I really did need someone but no one cares. My son dumped his income tax stuff off on me yesterday morning (tax day) and that stressed me even more. He was supposed to bring it on Saturday. So there I was ... in extreme agony after the DR appt and driving ... and I had to go over his taxes. I was gone 4 hours for the DR appt. Then I had to drive 5 miles to mail the federal so it would be post marked for the 17th. Luckily I was able to do his state on line. But still ... I was drained and in pain and once again and still had to go get my prescription filled ... but no one cares. So I fully understand how you feel. I think the term for these people is INSENSITIVE %## *&@^!
  14. skikat

    skikat New Member

    hi blkkat! i know exactly how you feel, but i can tell you from experience, that there are people in this world that have no idea what "EMPATHY" means opposed to SYMPATHY. i have the empathy( where you feel the other persons pain, be it mental or physical. you actually worry to death if the neighbors kid(which you dont even know) plays too close to the road , etc. just anyones problem you cannot make that feeling go away. it is a hard burden to bear. and some people tell you, "ypou just have to give it up or turn loose of worrying about everything etc. but --you cannot do that so easily. it has ben there since you were born and it is a gift. that is why we have terrorists and some other kinds of people. they dont have any feelings for others. some people are given this gift , i believe so that they can help others. because they can honestly "feel" the other persons feelings. but we must also remember , and it is hard to , that not everyone feels like that . they just have normal responses to things. but the people like you (and me) are the ones that everyone comes to with thier problems and can feel free to tell us anythiing , knowing that we will keep the secret, because we would never hurt them, because then we would have to "feel" thier hurt too. you know what i am talking about. i could go on but i wont. also i agree with one that was talking about the prozac. my husband was put on that once and he went into rages so bad that he scared me to death! sooo lol, i waited until he was out of the room and called his dr. she said for him to come right now! i told her, he was mad all of the time, and so he went to se her and it was the PROZAC. he got off it and he was fine. maybe that isnt your problem though. maybe it is what i said above. because i have had these same feelings of getting soo deeply hurt by others and loving much too hard , and getting angry too fast, being too good to people and too quick to forgive, so examine yourself and see what fits you . it jut may be the prozac, but if it has always been that way, it is a gift, so that you feel deeply for others and can help them. one who loves deeply gets hurt deeply. hope this helps, ski
  15. Lendy5

    Lendy5 New Member

    Hi blkkat - Just from reading your post I can hear what a sweet loving person you are.

    I have always considered myself very tenderhearted and have been told I carry my heart on my shoulders. From what I can tell everyone has always hated this about me.

    I went through alot growing up since my mom left us all but I know I am more sensitive than anyone in my family. Me and hubby have three kids, our youngest who is a girl age 5 and two boys ages 9 and 14. Our 14 year old is already showing signs of being so sensitive like me and will tear up very easily.

    Fibro probably has made me much more sensitive than I was already but that's o.k. because I am only being me and no one has walked in my shoes to know the pain I endure daily and the heartache I have been through.

    My family fell apart a few years back after our grandmother passed and I cry all the time about missing her and my family. I just wish we could all be close again and I keep praying it will change. It hurts so bad because I know I said things I didn't mean but who hasn't? No one has ever believed me about this illness.

    My hubby and kids are the greatest and do put up with me alot through my moods. My hubby always says he is going to take a vacation when I get like this.

    Sorry to ramble on about me but is there anyway someone could help you do the bills and straighten the house?

    Take care of you and keep us posted. We all have to stick together through this. ((((((((((Gentle Hugs))))))))))

    Carolin
    [This Message was Edited on 04/18/2007]
  16. Jordane

    Jordane New Member



    Oversensitive,I dont think we are. Its the people who do and say these things to us WHO are NOT SENSITIVE to what we are going thru,emotionally and physical.

    You desrve to be treated with kindness,respect for what you are going thru,and TLC.

    We ALL do!!!!

    Empathy can only come from someone who has been where we are and really understands.

    I am sending you empathy and understanding,just as your other friends here at the forum have.Because we understand!!!

    And We Care!!!

    Try to keep your spirits up hun.:>)
    Hugs Hugs Hugs
    Jordane
  17. poeticbobbi

    poeticbobbi New Member

    Don't worry be happy? Ok, on a different day the kind words would be more complex,but today Im in a fog.But I wanted to stop by and say have a GREAT DAY!!!!
    No matter what others do or say just keep tellin yourself,"I am somebody special,unique and there is no one else like me".Plus it don't hurt to smile at yourself in the mirror every now and again,because there is always someone in the mirror smilin right back!!!
  18. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    You are among friends here.

    I can't post much tonight as I am in a bad flare but I know where you are coming from.

    I agree with the posters above.

    I do think we become more sensitive with these illnesses but that's because of what we have been through/are going through not just physically but emotionally.

    The lack of support and understanding and empathy from docs, family and friends has been devestating for me and hubby and I argue a lot because of my health. It has made us less close over time :(

    Must go - too sick to write more but sending hugs your way,

    Love Bunchy xxx
  19. GigglePoet

    GigglePoet New Member

    Kitty...
    Girl..sorry I haven't gotten back until now.
    I am so sorry for your sadness...It is so hard to just be able to take care of ourselves on a daily basis let alone try to be a parent and a wife and I am totally amazed that you are homeschooling as well...goodness girl!!I dont' know how you do that..REALLY!!!! I totally understand your view in doing that, but I tell ya..maybe you need some help in that area as well. As a Christian it is hard to have your kids in the public schools,worring that something will influence them and lead them astray. We have two children out of the three who are off on their own now,they are out in the world and they have made it so successfully. Kitty you have to give yourself more credit when it comes to your children as your voice goes with them, all those times you were being mom is inside their concious and speaks to them when they aren't even thinking about it. I think you did the right thing by letting your daughter go. We have to let them test their wings..one of these day's they will fly out of the nest on their own and their success will show us that all those many hours that we have put into them, loving, caring, pointing the way, has all made a difference. You have done good mom, pat yourself on the back and give yourself a hug. Doing what you do is hard work and there is often or rarely any praise for it or a manual and a lot of it is feel your way through the dark, but with Gods love shinning the way, we will rarely loose our step and if we do he will show us how to get back on track. Let your children know that you are still in the process of learning, as they will be throughout the entirity of their lives and except your humanness.
    I am sorry that you have had to let go of the doing the bills, something you enjoyed so much. Bless your heart. I so understand this. My hubby does it all here as well and we are having problems to and seeing a counselor right now. We need help with functioning with this disease and also hubby, though he is kind and helpful, he lacks the empathy wire in his hard drive. I am realizing this just this last year after 25 years of marriage and we have very little emotional connection for that reason. I am struggling and tring to figure out how to do this thing called marriage after all this time. We are great roomates but there is no emotional support. This message board which I found in January is a life line to me and has helped me to not give up and to forge ahead.We all deal with so much lonliness and isolation. It is so sad to me that we can all only be together in this format. Becasuse we could all use visual interaction. As a poet and artist I pray that God will help me use these tallents this year as they have been put away so long, it is time for me, and time for them to come out of the closet, my young ones are grown..just my 14 year old left and soon he will be gone. I had no idea how hard it would be for me to go through this when all I ever hoped to do was to get them raised, but now all I want to do is to hold on a little longer.....tears.......ok,enough of that!..but maybe there is an interest you can take up as well maybe if only for just 10 minutes a day,then maybe it will be 15,then 20 minutes a day, who knows. YOUZzZZZZZZZZZZ and MEZZzzzzzzzzzzz Kitty, we are gonna make this thing called life and I am so glad we are friends. Lets try to distract ourselves more this year. Wish I could send you one of my Teddy Bear drawings.
    As for feelings, I dont' think we get them hurt anymore than others, I just think that we have less distrations and less things to focus on. Sometimes these things that are said, may not have been intended to hurt, but they end up rocking our world. You hang in there girl. You are doing good!

    Much love and Big Hugzz from your friend
    ~ Dee









    [This Message was Edited on 04/19/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 04/19/2007]
  20. blkkat

    blkkat New Member

    WOW!! i really don't know how i can explain to you all how much better i feel today after reading all your sweet and caring words.

    all of you are so nice and thank you for being there for me!!!!!! your all the BEST friends anyone could ever ask for, thanks again... GOD BLESS ALL YOU!! ---BLKKAT