I really over did it and it is my fault that I hurt so much

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Oct 28, 2005.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Three years ago maybe 4 years ago I worked full time at a craft store and did the store models for the tole painting department and I assisted wiht the coustomers and usued the cash register. I was the one person that did tole painting/decrotave painting. so I was in charge of doing all of the store models that showed what the finished product looked like , or in my case what the finished pattern looked like. I loved to paint and I am really good at it but I was hurting more andmore and I didn't know why?

    What had I done to make my bones ache so deeply that when I took a hot bath the hot water never reached the place deep in to my bones. I would just cry because they hurt so much and I finall went to se a pain doctor . HE didn't tell me that I had fibro but that I had buristis badly in my right hip and my knees's were older than the rest of me. and I would be needing to have both knees replaced some time im my 50's { I am 49 now} and he told me that I had muscle pain and put me on Lortab 7.5 4x a day . It did help for a while but not long enough for me.

    So I wnet back again and he had me see my GP to hvae some blood work done,I didn't have mono but it showed that I had 3 of the 4 titers that show you if you have it . So it meant that I had mono recently but it was not active now. HE also had some other blood work done for lupus and I was normal for that at that time. But my GP had said as he poked and proddedd on mypainful muscles that I had muscle pain , I had a brain freeze and can't remember the medical terminatation for this.But basicly I had Fibromyaligia .

    And I quit trying to do things , I wanted to stay in bed wehre I could sleep all day and not do a thing , I was not ready to give up my life but I didn't understand that that part of me had already left me and gone. Fibromyaligia sounded so baddd and I knew that doctors thought that it was "ALL IN YOUR HEAD" But it wasn't it was in my legs and back and all over. But I did have some brain farts as my girl friend told me she had when she forgot things.

    I wanted to do all the things I had done , go walking with my hubby at the county fair and not poop out with in the first 20 minutes, I loved to shop with my daughters but now it just hurt my knees so much that they felt like they were under pressure and at any moment my knee cap was going to "POP OFF". And my legs ached so deeply in to my leg bones that no matter how hot I got the bath water it did not reach where the pain was at. I cryed alot and I din't want to work or do anything and i retreted in to my self.

    I stayed there till my mom got sick with blood clots in her lungs and had to spend 3 weeks in ICU's both here in Logan Utah, and in hospital at LDS SLC. I had just gotten her home from being in rehab when my boss from the craft store called me and informed me taht I had to be at work on MOnday or I would not have a job. I tryed to explain that my mom had just gotten home and on monday I had to be at her home to go over papers for her home health info.

    So No job for me. But I stil was not believing that I had this fibro. And being a night owl all of my life it was hard for my kids at that time to understand that I was really tired from the fibro insetad of staying up to late. And they didn't belive I needed pain pills any more now than I did when they were small and I had so many female problems and really bad headaches tension ones but they still made me sisck to my stomach when I Moved. And during all the years that they had grown up they knew two things in life.

    Dad went to the bar and came home drunk, & mom had headaches and took pain pills like tyelonyl #3 for the pain it really didn't work all that well and when the pain would get so out of control my Ob-gyn would give me a shot of demoral and phergan and I would fight that feeling of losing control but it did help. So mom was on drugs from the dodctor and dad handled everything by getting drunk.

    So now me telling them I have a " REAL" problem fibromyaligia they would find people that also had it and worked full time and they didn't take pain pills, so why did I. I couldn't be worse than Tammy that was a friend of my oldest daughter who has fibro and lupus and much much more and she doens't take any pain pills but she does use alot of home remedies some tea's and other things. that didn't really make much secne to me as they didn't seem to help her much so why try them.

    So it has taken me 4 years to learn that I cna't do the things that all moms, wives do daily which are cook , clean the house and run after the kids and be really active with the kids adn I was not active becasue of the pain. I have been told more times than I can remember that and I quote " It is not a big deal for us when you clean off the counters ,stove and load and run the dishwasher. It was what all mom's did and they did not get a brownine points for doing the things that they should be doing all the time.

    Why should I get a Way to go mom you cleaned the living room when " All MOM's cleaned there houses's and not just the living room. I didn't need to be patted on the back for doing the things that I should be doing all the time.

    They didn't and for the most part still don't get it that when i clean I am making my self have a more pain filled day or even longer and I might set off a flare where I would be so tired and need to sleep most of the day. They would bet made at me because I was not up and dressed before NOon I saw no porblem as I was not working so why get up and dressed when my body was telling me that I need to sleep and rest now.

    So here it is 220005 and we had to have the hosue apparized and it was a mess . The kitchen and living rooms were not to bad, but my house is a basement h ouse and it was built upstairs about 15 years ago and poorly bulit at that. My husband would get his nickers in a knot because no one was cleaning the houe so he would get the hurge lawn bags and fill them up with everything that was on the floors and put them down stairs for me to go through one bag at a time but that never worked that way. The girls were missing clothes adn the husband could not find his shirts so they would all go down stairs and rip the bags to find what it was they wanted but they never put all the clothes back in to the garbage bags, so the kitchen in the down stairs had a perment caarpet of old not used in years clothes that no one would pick up and get rid of.

    So having to get a some money on our home equity loan we had to have the house apparized not the drive by but the HI we are walking though your house. So I cleaned like I hae not cleaned in years, I washed the cabinets door and they were black so I would scrub them again adn then whernthey were done I would lemon oil them. It took longer than I thought it would.

    But I cleaned the kitchen cleanned up with nothing on the table or counters or on the dishwasher. And then I did the same in the living room makeing sure that everything had it's own home. Now to some onne who does not have degenerative disc diease, spinal stenosis, bulging discs L4-5, L5-S1, I shattered my left wrist almost two years ago and it has a plate adn screwin it adn it really does not wrk quite right now, not to mention it hurts bacause it already has arthritis in it.
    Then throw in the knees with thedegenneritive diesase and arthritis, in both the knees and in my ankle, then for kicks and giggles I also have fibromyaligia and Chronic MEyoFAcial Pain syndorme too. And I really over did it and caused my self to flare and yes I really hurt now and I can't stand it .

    So yes I did this flare to my self and I am in alot of pain and I could sleep 24/7 is some one would let me because I am so sleepy. The nice man came and looked at the house and left and I was so tired that as soon as he was gone I went and laid down.

    Today I thought that i could just sleep in but I was wrong again I woke up so cold and in pain that I had to get up and turn the heat up and take a pain pill and eat breakfast at 6:30am , No sooner than i had fallen to sleep my MOther called telling me that I needed to go with her because she thought that she had a blood clot in her ankle and it really hurt so off to the ER we went by 7:45 and we werer done in about 1 hour and it was not a clot but she had bumped it and becasue she takes blood thinners she bruises so easiley and the bruise's look like they could be a clot but she is fine.

    INstad of doing as the doctor suggested her to do was to put her foot up and rest < NO we had to go to the sto re and buy the thinnngs she needed and then to the jewlers wehre she had a neclace fixed and then to the grocery store.

    I am limping bcause my legs, knees are hurting so badly that I was useing my cane which made my wrist hurt worse too. The more we walked around the wosre I hurt and finally we came home adn I went to bed and slept for a few hours , when I got up I folded some towels fresh from the dryer and put them away and I also folded up some clothes and put them away. I vaccumed the floor and swept teh kitchen floor and by that time I was once again so sleepy that my eyelids were having a struggle in keeping them selves open.

    So I laid on the couch and I was dozing off and on all day , I even dozed though the time i was to take the pain pill that I needed and I was late in taking it and after fixing supper I took it and was watching TV when I heard this strange noice ME snoring it woke me up .So I got up and took a bath and took the night time pills and now am writing to you as I am awake for a bit but in pain.

    I should know better than to over do it every day for 5 days and think that in one night I will be all better and awake. I am not, I am in a flare and I Hurt so much that I have cryed becaue the pain is so bad adn my doctor does not work onfridays adn there are NO other pain doctors with in 60 miles of here and the local hpspitals don't and won't give you a shot for pain because you have chronic pain from any of the above reasons.To them I am a DRUG SEEKER and nothing more. EVen though I walk like a duck adn waddle becaaause my knees adn llegs are in so much pain that just walking hurts so badly that I struggle with just moving.

    I know that because I did more than I should h ave done I cansed this flare adn I know taht when I flare I am so tired all the time and can just sit in a chair and doze off. I hate it the pain the being tired all the time and hurting somuch and having no one that belive you at the local hospitals. I am not a drug seeker like they think but I am in a great deal of pain and I haev reached the point of no return where I get so sleepy , f atiqued adn in so much pain that I would rather sleep from taking a soma than to have to live and deal with this never ending pain I have.

    I want to go back to being the mom who was nota lways in pain and a person that worked as a dental assistant and after I shattered my left wrist so badly that I now have a tituaim palte and 7 screws in it and it hurs all the time from the nerve damge dn from the bone pain and there is not a thing I can do for or about it. It is not going to hap pen ever . I will always have pain in me adn it will only get worse, not teh fibro but the other chronic pain dieases. I hate that I hurt so much that walking sends tears runining down my face and I Limp when I walk and no one cares or so it seems. My girls are either married adn live at their own homes or are in Ct as a nanny so I have no help her . Yes I did this all by my self adn I am paying for it. I just want some one to understand that when I flare I am so fatiqued and tired that i can't keep my eye's open and I get the feeling that I must lay down now of I will fall down so I have slept more today that I have been awake. What a sad story .

    I am sad to say tht it is all true and I have been honest with you,right now I have a sharp pain in my shins it feels like i have shin splints and I have not been runningbut it hurts like that, the muscles in my calves are cramped and tyed into knots and are really hurting now.
    But there is nothing tath I can do aboaut his horriable pain I have to live with. I had a job to do and it was to clean my hooouse to that it looked really good and in doing that I caused more damaged to my self and made tthe muscles cramp and tie up in knots and I will have to just live with it till it ease's on it's own. Yes I made it so that I would be in pain andI caused this flare and I diispies how I am feeling now.

    So I will stop writing and quit whining and go to bd and try to sleep for a long time today so that i will beable to do something. I am sorry for being such a baby about this. I know that I should not whine about it because it does no good for me. So I thnk youf or your thought and prayer and thank you for reading this post that it far to long.

    Goodnight my friends, sorry about all the boobing about my pain.I have learned that I have caused this awful pain.And I will have to deal with it over the next few weeks.
    Hugs to all of you,
  2. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    . . get rested and prayers are here for you that Heavenly Father will hold you in his arms and give you comfort that you need.

    Much of what you wrote I can very much relate to. I, too, cause myself to have flares as I "push" to much. We have to learn to slow down and take more time for our bodies to catch up with our minds. If we overwork our bodies, they just can't take it.

    Please let us know how you are feeling when you get back to the Board.

    L, Jeannette
  3. hdbubblehead

    hdbubblehead New Member

    I have been awake, cleaning , typing, talking, reading, sitting, lifting heavy stuff, laundry, and now.....
    I am in agony.

    Prayers up for you, comforts and restful sleep time.
    I ask Jesus to show you that you will wake refreshed, and not feel the pain that you are expecting to last. I pray that all of those who are suffering in the world today and tonight, God will show us the way out of our troubles, and give all our little ones peace and gentle loving caring parents, and family and neighbors. We are a nation in great distress, and Jesus, I ask for your wonderful words to fill our minds so that we won't be afraid, or lonely or in need. Thank you GOD for sending us your son, In HIS precious Name.....amen.
  4. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Thank you for that, I can always use some help from Heavenly FAther . And I pray that you too will feel good in the days to come.

    It will take several days before I am back to my self, but with each day I do feel a bit better but I still am doing all that I can to keep this house clean now that it was cleaned so just picking up after the hubby and my self and doing the "Normal things ", laundry, dishes sweeping the floor only sets the flare off. And my daughter , SIL and grandson will be spending the next week end with us .

    So I have chagned the sheets and made the bed and vaccumed the floor, and made room for the playpen that my grandson will have to sleep in and I don't think he will be happy about it but he will have no choice.

    Well I am going to go to bed and try to sleep. The part of this flare I am in is that I get so tired that I sleep all day and at night I am so tired adn moving is hard to do adn I just want to sleep but mylegs afche adn I can't fall asleep because of this intece pain. And I get to the point where I am so tired that I can't fall asleep at night and it will be the wee hours of the morning before I will sleep. I don't know if that happens to anyone else. but when I am flaring I am so fatiqued that at night I can't fall asleep for hours.

    I am so tired that sleep will not come to me. and I lay awake staaring at the ceiling. I hope that I will be able to get some sleep tonight so that I will be able to stay awake in the morning. thanks again for your prayers.