I sit here thinking of the friends I've lost...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hinemoa, Jul 10, 2003.

  1. Hinemoa

    Hinemoa New Member

    and I am so grateful that there is a place to come where others understand. Where I can get the latest information and where I won't be chided for "not really trying.

    I won't be asked what I have to gain by being ill and 'friends' won't leave because they are reminded that I was fit and healthy and if I can get this THING then so can they.

    Luckily my husband and children are fully supportive and love me for who I am...not for what I can do. And I'm not bitter about losing friends...people need to move on. But OH! I'm glad to find you all. Thank you for your patience and willingness to share what you know with others.

    I have visited other CFS/FM Boards but left because of all the name-calling and shouting. Enough with the stress all ready!

    Again, thank you... I was diagnosed over 20 years and if I have anything to share, I will...

    "They also serve who only stand and wait." Milton.



  2. dd

    dd New Member

    Welcome to the board. There are wonderful people here with a lot of good information and support.

    I have lost most of my friends too. I used to be the 'life of the party' before becoming ill. Now I don't get many phone calls from friends...except when they are having problems. I guess they got tired of me not being able to tell them that I would definitely be able to go do something. I would have to say I had to wait to see how I felt on that 'certain' day. Many of these friends were friends for 20 years or more. It did hurt at first but I don't let it bother me anymore. It's really their loss.

    I have my husband and 3 wonderful children that I devote my life to...they are the ones that are REALLY important!


  3. pooped

    pooped New Member

    Like you, I have lost a lot of my old friends. I am not bitter either as I can understand how it feels to be around someone who is sick all the time. I am married to a wonderful man and when I can, we get out and enjoy going places and doing things together. When I can't, we enjoy hanging out at the homestead and just being together. What I do miss is the energy I use to feel and the pain free days of my youth. It does make me feel better to come here where everyone understands exactly what I am going through and instead of rolling their eyes in disgust they nod their heads in understanding and reach out to make my day a little brighter. I know you will find the same kind of support here. Welcome!!!

  4. shazz

    shazz New Member

    But now I try and think of it as the friends I have KEPT.
    Yes they are only a couple, but they have stood by me in all of this.
    Of course I miss the others, but I too try and understand why they don't bother calling anymore. I probably would get tired of being turned down time and time again as well.
    All of us who have loving and caring spouses should be thankful, and I am, very much so, but it isn't wrong to be sad for relationships lost either.
    I too was the life of the party, always up for beers, dancing and going out.
    Those days are over and I miss them terribly, but I have some pretty great memories to last me a lifetime.


  5. achy

    achy New Member

    And it's not just the friends I have lost....but the ones I never got to have. The people I've met that just don't want to "deal wiht a person like me".

    Good story,,,,will keep it short.
    My hubby works for the state and we transfered here 4 yrs ago. Pensacola Fla. Well,,,we are 80 miles NORTH. One of those places you wonder where the ppl go to get milk? LOL
    Anywho...I met someone I really liked...had a lot in common..hubbys same age and interests....I aksed her if they would like to come for dinner on night....and..get this...She looked at me odd and said "people up here don't do things LIKE THAT." "WE have family...we don't need friends." and she is NOT the exception..I have been told by others.

    Yeah it hurts...but then, hey, their loss. We would probably be the best friends they ever had. We know how important it is to listen,,,to care...to be supportive and understanding. To accept ppls differences..etc.
    Heck wiht em.

    I too amm thanksful to have found this board..to find the pple here that understand me, and accept who I am, and who don't mind if I want to rant and rave!! LOL

    Sandra, you are not alone.....and you have many friends.

    Warm fuzzies

    Sandra...I'll be your friend.
  6. Hinemoa

    Hinemoa New Member

    it was wonderful to come back and read your responses.

    My life has changed drastically but...there really are compensations aren't there.?

    I remember when I thought my brain had irrevocably gone south I prayed I'd be able to get it back. I worked crosswords and word puzzles and it does help to retrain your brain. Perhaps, on reflection, I should have asked to get the whole body back...but on the whole it's nice to be back inside my skull; at least, for most of the time.


  7. sickdave

    sickdave New Member

    Hello Hinemoa:

    I can also sympathise with you and the others who have replyed. I have been stricken for 14 years now. I have lost many so-called friends but I have gained many many more and of better caliber.

    I will also be your friend, and if I can help you out of the "pit" I will gladly do so.

  8. aussie1

    aussie1 New Member

    it's strange you think it is only you who friends have left & after reading all those replies i said to my husband about the replies & all our fair weathered friends.
    we use to have a good social life but started going down hill when my degenerate disc disease worsened & now with fm & my husband also has a bad back.our friends never call in or phone us it's very disappointing sometimes.
    i would love to go out & have a few drinks, have a dance,then in the morning i would know why i am aching.
    i lead a very good life, even though i haven't had any alcohol for 2 years ( i don't miss it)i go to bed at 9.30pm.
    & still have b----- pain.
    i feel a lot better getting that out of my system.
    take care,
  9. loopyloo

    loopyloo New Member

    Welcome to the board, you should forget the friends you say you have lost, they couldn't have been real friends as they would have stuck by you,
    concentrate on the true friends and family you have left,

    some people may think it is catching but it is not,

    one true friend is better than 50 fair weather friends that don't understand and dont stick with you,

    read as much as you can about it to maybe educate the people who don't fully understand what you are going through, some people may have not heard of it before,and once they no they cannot catch it they may be fine, people are often scared of things they dont know much about or don't understand.

    And dont spend time worrying about it as stress will make you worse,God it was hard enough for me to come to terms with it that i cant go to the night club and dance all night like i used to, and cant carry a bag of fruit as it is to heavy, cant open jars as too weak, if we cant understand it no wonder our friends can't.
    Any way take care of you and your family
    (((((((((big hugs)))))))))
    Loopyloo x
    PS I'll be your friend Sandra[This Message was Edited on 07/11/2003]
  10. MissRachel

    MissRachel New Member

    I to have lost many friends over the years due to this DD. It is hard enough when you can hardly understand, come to terms and cope with fibromyalgia, let alone explain it to "fair weather friends". My dear husband and my 9 cats are all the friends I need and after spending the last couple days on this message board I realize were not alone with this DD I am thankful I found you "guys".

  11. loopyloo

    loopyloo New Member

    Sorry Sandra me again,
    I for got to tell you i have been of work since the end of April with stress as i had to see the work doctor because of short term memory loss and she cut my hours from 9 -5.30 to 10 -4 then back up to 9-4 and some of the girls i work with were very bitchy saying i wish i could work part time and finish at 4 and some were even nastier, i think because you cannot see our pain like Asthma you cant see that so normal people dont no its there, every time i went back to work they would say are you better now, altho you dont get completely better they dont understand, i have two weeks ago said i can come back to work and my boss said i have to see the work doctor before i can return so i am at home awaiting an appointment now and who cares i'm getting paid for it so they can take as long as they like,
    I did get to the stag where i didn't want to go back and face the bitchyness again but i love my job so i wont let the few nasty people push me out
    your friend Loopyloo x
  12. klarry

    klarry New Member

    I have had FM for twenty years, and have been blessed, like you, to have a very supportive nuclear family. I am not sure that everyone in my extended family is as understanding, however. The good news is that finally the disease is getting some credibility in the national press. For too long, many thought it was "all in our heads".
    The good news is that true friends understand and make accomodations for you. The ones that no longer are involved in your life are not really friends, but only aquaintances.
    I am so happy that I found this web site. It is so validating to hear from others who struggle with the same issues. Good luck!
  13. Patti2

    Patti2 New Member

    I also have lost most of my friends, but your can count yoour true friend on one hand. Lots of aquaintances but not really freinds. I also lost my husband to this DD. He could not stand me being so tired and ache all over. He called it a pretend disease. I guess if my head were gone he would see that there is something really wrong. I have not gone thru the divorse bit yet, strength and money are the reason. So thank-god your husband is there for you!! Since you don't look sick you can't be sick. I guess I'm a little down myself today. But tomorrow is Saturday and I can sleep!!
    Take care, count our blessings, and keep on going,
  14. loopyloo

    loopyloo New Member

    I just cant believe your husband can disbelieve you are in pain and leave because of this illness, and you keep your chin up girl you have got lots of friends here and you deserve better than him, one day when your least expecting it you'll meet your soul mate, my friend always says to me "you had to kiss alot of frogs before you found your prince" and she's right i did so there is hope for you yet the thing is second time around you can ask lots of questions and eliminate the people who dont fit your requirements quickly,
    Loopyloo xx
  15. jeniwren

    jeniwren New Member

    I too have very few friends. Though because of my EX-husband I didn't have many to loose in the first place. I only had 1 friend from school-days. My EX was abusive on top of the pain etc and didn't believe I was ill...it was all in my head. He kept me isolated and this DD did the rest.
    Before I met my current partner I had made 1 friend since leaving school 23 yrs ago and that was 10 yrs ago. My family couldn't care less...if I died tomorrow not one of my 5 brothers or any other family member would miss me. Prior to 2yrs ago if I needed help with something the only person I could rely on was myself.
    I've met a few people in the past 2yrs because of my partner, but no-one I could claim as a "friend". I guess I've been isolated and ill for so long I'm not sure what to say to people any more. How do you "make" friends???

    I wish you luck in making friends for now and the future.

    [This Message was Edited on 07/14/2003]