I still hurt from picing up my grandson but I I won't trade

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Nov 6, 2005.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I love haivng my daughter , grandson and SIL come to visit.
    AS my grandson is only 7 months old and weighs about 20 lbs,I feel silly for whining abouat carrying of lifting him as his mother who is now 21 and the youngest of my daughters weighed 23 lbs at 6 months herself and I carried her just fine.

    But I also had help 2 older daughters that liked to think she was their baby doll and they liked to take her for walks in her stroller. But I was younger then and the fibro was there but I rreally din't know that it was already affecting my life My knees would hurt and so would my back and I still worked full time as a dental assistant.

    I look back and wonder how I did it then as at that time in my marriage my husband as still drinking alot and was not home and at the bar so he was NO help. The most help he was happened on sundays when i would get the girls ready for church and he would tie a bow or buckle up shoes.

    I had some really funny times thentoo as I didn't like to get up in te mornings I have always been so tired and sleepy in the mornings but I had to be to work at 7:00 am ,& got the grils ready for the baby sitter and the oldest ones went too and then she put them on the bus for school and took care of the youngest at her home.

    My husband had some early morning church meetings adn he told the person in charge that he had to leave early so that "HE could go home and get his wife up and get his daughters ready for church. But when I got to church the same person asked if he really got me and the kids up and got the girls dressed and their hair done and dressed and I just laughed at him and said no way he just ties bows on dresses and puts shoes and socks on them and put the coats on and that is it." HE was busted. And I thought it was so funny.

    He was not one who would help to bathe 3 little girls, My oldest if 27 Now then the next is 23 and the youngset is 21. So they were spread apart. And the older one whold get her self dresssed and the middle one was a terror as she would not wear hand me down adn would tell me that " I can't wear the colthes they are not my style. But she wore them any way as I told her she didn't have style till I told her she could have it.

    My husband would help with them when he wanted to and he did play with them and help out with putting Pj's on them, But when I had my youngest daugter I would nurse her in bed and I was so tired that I would dose off and she would slide down and start to kick her daddy in his head and for some odd reason he didn't like that so he would wake me up to put her in her crib.

    I had so many female problems during the first years of my marriage and when I was hospitlized with the problems my husband would have my mom take them to school adn to the baby sitter as mom worked full time and mom would pi ck the girls up from the sitter and feed them and take th em to my house next door and bathe them & get them ready for bed before my husband was home.

    So he made sure that he was home early for her. I didn't know i had fibro as it was not heard of back then and i always had bad leg aches and headaches, female problems & surgery and was hospitilized 4 time in the 1st 4 years of our marriage. He didn't understand it then and he still does not understand itnow but he is getting better at listening to me and letting me do things at my own pace.

    Haveing 3 girls I did want a son for him to take hunting and fishing and instead i had a total hyersterctomy and was in a depression becuase i realy wanted ababy so badlly but I could not have carried it at that time.

    So now that the youngest and my SIL and BRaxton come and stay with us every month w hile he has drill we get to chatch up with her and visit together and play with the
    baby and i love it.
    This morning she woke me up at 7 :45 to watch Braxton I had been up and hour before with my husband as he was going hunting so I was awake and she put Braxton in my arms and left and he looked like he was going to cry but I sang to him and told him stories and too . It was so much funa s he ws playing pattycake by him self and I would talk to him to the bed they selpt in and played with him.

    He has learned to shake his head back and forth and it was funny when i couldn't figure out what wasticklingme on my legs, And it was Braxton , I had a silky nightie one and he likes the feel of it so he would tickle me andrub my belly and just laugh at me andmake faces at me.

    I hae learened to paly with him and not pick him up unless he is standing right beside me . And I love him and i love to hld him as he lays his head on my cheast thinking that I am goin to feed him and he gives me this funny lok when I tell him that I don't work like mommy so we just play together. I had so much fun withhim today. But i had just claned the house to have it appraized and I want to keep it clan all the time and my daughter has learnedmy bad habits of not cleaning so when they left today I over did it again as I cleaned up after them picking up the crackers and diapers and taking out the garbage adn vaccuming the lining room floor and i loaded the dishwasher to and then i laid down and slept as i had no eneregy left in me.

    I guess right now the hardest thing is I was not a good house keeper adn I ddin't make the girls help clean so they are not the best cleanrs either and I do wish I could go back in time and teach them that it is so much easier to kget the house clean and to keep it clean . like I did today after they left. And then it was done so i can sleep in today.

    I miss that things that I cna't do with him of my step grandson who is 8 years old, I can't go out fishing with grandpa and Kyler as I can't walk very far or stand very ling adn when I stand up my knees don;'t starighten and I can't move for a few moments and it really hurts me .
    I want to be the grandma that is fun to be around and they like to spend time with me and I fear that I won't be able to do all the timegs I want to do with them. I want to bake cookis and read to them and play with them and some of the time s I can't do . I can't take Braxton a walk in his stroller the walking really causes my knees and low back to hurt really bad and I miss that.

    So I will have to come up with some fun games to lay with them and rad to them adn have their mommies help me make cookies for them to. it is this learing to do tings differnt than I am used to do. I want to be all that i can be and it causes me great pain that there are things i cna't do with them.
    So I will just have to do the things I can do and enjoy that time I spend with them . I Love them so much and they remind me of there mothers too.So tonight i am paying for this claning that i did today when they left. My legs hurt,as does my back and hips and arms , yet I feel pride that my home is clean and I knwo that I did it my self and it is goint to stay that way.

    Yes I hate this dd diease and all the pain it sends me through daily, It makes me so angry that I am not "NORMAL" and can't just go back to work and provide thing for them t play with , I am so angry that i hurt all the time and that I can't sleep and that I dont' feel like me any more, I wonder why this happended to me? But then I know there are worse things that could happend to me and I coud not do anymore. I want to be a grat grandmother and have my grand children know that I love them so much and i would love and hug tham always adn they wil know that I love themalways.

    I may be lacking in things that I can so with them but I try to make it up with lots of love and hugs and playing with them one the floor. I lave eachmoment they are here and I just love them so much and I hope that I will keep on trying to do the things that hu rt me and I push a bit harder but not so ar as to make me really hurt worse.

    I am a wonderfull grandma and i got the cuteset viedio of Braxton shaking his head back and back and forth & laughing at him for doing it and laughing about it, he is a funny baby he like to get in his walkier and stick his tounge out and have it rest on his bottom lip and he looks so cute and I am grateful that he is my grandson.

    So I am oging to hurt a bit more it iwll get better and I will live. I am just so tired of being fatiqued all the time and not feeling like i sould . I don't like having the pain in my back because of the degenerative disc diease,spianal stenosis, 2 buldging discs, bad knees with arthritis, and arthritis in my left wrist froma fall that i had almost a year and a half ago. I don't like being the person that cant walk very far adn do all the thing i want to do. I hate the fibro and what it takes from my life.

    I love being a grandma and I would love andhug the baby if he woule let me all day adn everyda too but I dont' see them that often as they live in another town and the gas price are too high for us to juts drop everything and drive doneto see them once a week.

    I am a normal woman who loves her husband and kids and SIl's and the grand babies.
    I want to be a big part of their life and want them to know who i am all the time and know that their grandma loves them. I pray that this pain will ease and it is not doing it yet but I don't likethe pain in my legs at all.

    I love the girls I had and I love there kids so much and i love being withthem and spending time with them. I am a struggle with my self esteem and feeling like I am worth something. I am not like Braxtons other grandma who has 9 kids of her own and the youngest is 2 and the oldest is my SIL who is 21. I can 't play with Braxton like she can but i can love him just as much as she can.

    I don't like haveing the fibro or the degeneritive disc diease or the spinal stenosis, and the bulging disc's bad arthric knees and wirst and just hurt all the time, wil I ever be the person I once was NO but i can' be the best me i can be. It hurts to be told that you should file for disability and I am 49 year old. I can't wrke anymore and i have had thatntold to me for 3 docotrs so I have to file for disability and i am not so thrilled aobut ddoing it but i will so that i can do all the things i need to doo.

    I want to be able to get my health better and walk a fhafl mile on the treadmill but jut wantling for 3 minutes makes me so tired too right now but i am trying to make a chang in my life. I will be the hapy grandma who loves to read to the kids and tell them tstories and they will know that i love them so much.

    I may not be perfect an albe to do all the tihngs I need to do but I am woring on it and not feeling sorry for my self anymore too. I am a good mother , grandmother, and wife. I can do all the things i need to get done and i loev having grand babies so much. I will be fine, O dpm't want to have fibor anymore but sicne I have no choice to have it and life with it , I will still be the loving mother , wife,& grandmother for my grandchildren. I am so in love with them all the time and i want to spend more time with them.Yes I hurt like heck right now and i did more than I shold but I made a vow to my self that I would do all that I can to keep my house clean and neat, it takes hard work to change me adn the way I do things. But i will keep the houe clean and neat all the time. so that when they are here and will have a clean place to stay and they wil know that they are loved always.

    So since I HATE HOUSE WORK I really have to do it rieght now and not wait till later to do it. And because of that I amin a great deal of pain tonight becaue i vaccumed the living room floor ,kitchen floor and the haaa;;way to. I then loaded the dishwasher.And cleaned my stove off and I really hurt so much now fro the over doing it and doing it all at once, I did it and I will pay for it but I am not going to get me down. I have a good husband and dauighters and I love them with all my heart and I will keep on trying to be the best I can be .

    So I am flaring a bit but it is ok. I want to be the fun person and I will do all that I can to be her. I am not tthe same preson I was 25 years ago when I married, but I can walk on my own and I dont have anyting magor and i am well other than the things i have worng with me. I fought this painfor years and then one day I was told "YOU have fibro myaliigia and it will be with you all the time and for ever" I had to change my attidute to become a happier perons and to learn that I acan do tihngs and may nbe they are not the same tings but I can do the thing I want to do.

    so I am not perfect and I have faults and I live daily wiht pain in my life and they don't go away and I know this and and while I wil have to live with this dd al the time I can be the loving grandma that wil laaay on the floor and pay with the baby. I want more for my life and I will do my best to feel better and feel better thatn i do now. I thak you for your listening to me ramble one and on. 'Thank you for all that you do for me. You all help me go get over my sel and to think about others and try to help them too.

    Love you all,
    Rosrmarie
  2. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    to have grandchildren.
    I have 2 girls in GA 3 & 2.They are coming to visit in a few weeks.

    I live in RI so only see them once a year.

    I have a step daughter who lives near by.She had a girl in June.

    She only works part time.I get to babysit 2 afternoons a week.I do this from 3 to 6 pm.My hubby always makes sure hes home to help me out.

    They are such a joy to have around.


    ((((( Hugs )))))
    Sue