I think i'm now a hermit... Don't like people

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hazygal, Jul 29, 2003.

  1. hazygal

    hazygal New Member

    except you guys... People are soooo judgemental and rude and skeptical and hard for me to deal with... I've decided that I don't like people in general... I just wrote a not eo fmqueen/JanRN she feels the same way too. I just can't shake it... Once I think i've got a friend they turn on me and become indifferent. I've tried my best with my last friend and she never got this DD and doesn't get it. I know you all might think i'm a loser or whatever, but I can't help the way I feel right now. I'd rather be with my immediate family and cats then with anybody else... Is that terrible? I'm almost 42 and feel life has really given me alot of bad blows and one of them is this DD.... I also don't talk to my mother or twin sister or older sister either... I really could say they are soooo cruel and mean! I know, I know I should see a Psychiatrist auh? You guys are my only friends and I would like to keep it that way... Sorry if you can't relate, it would sure be nice to talk to someone who understands because I don't even like talking on the phone anymore... Why? I just don't get it... I guess i've been soooooo burned by people... I go to church on Sunday, but am very nervous around people or talking to them because I feel so judged. When finally get home i'm exhausted and before I go to church there is a feeling of dread... Not because of the church or being there it's the people... Sorry, I just had to vent a little and let you guys know i'm not a meany or anything i'm just tired, oh so tired of everything and you all are soooo helpful for me, I love you all!!!!! HAZYGAL
  2. sierrasioux

    sierrasioux New Member

    Hello
    This is just my opinion after reading your letter.
    No, I don't think that you HAVE to see a psychiatrist, but I DO think that you need to see your doctor immediately and discuss this with him or her.
    You know they make meds for social anxiety-paxil is one--I am not saying meds cure everything, but I think you should start with telling your doctor what you just told us, and if he or she feels you need to see a phys---then that is ok.
    Are you on meds right now?
  3. 600

    600 New Member

    I relate to all that you said! I'm in the same boat!
  4. jadibeler

    jadibeler New Member

    in the back by people I thought were my best friends! It's a crushing blow. Now I don't make friends, I make acquaintences. I don't trust anyone to stay a friend except the few who have stuck by me for years - and they all have physical problems as well.

    I was extremely shy until about the age of 31, when I took a job I desperately needed even though it entailed talking to strangers. That helped cure me of my fear of people and I was very friendly for many years. But these days I find myself avoiding people - not because of them not understanding (I'm used to that after all these years) but just because I don't want to be around anyone (including my husband). I don't want to visit, I definately don't want anyone visiting me and I let the telephone ring.

    I just want to be alone with my computer and my dogs & cats or my book. When I'm not on the computer or housecleaning I'm in my quiet, air conditioned bedroom, even if I'm just "zoning out". I don't get nervous or upset around people, just irritated that I have to deal with them. I quit a really easy job that I could pretty much do at home because it involved calling and talking to people to get information for the newspaper column I was writing. I just couldn't force myself to deal with people. I would have jumped at the chance to write a column on an assigned subject where I could research the info on the internet, but I wasn't offered that option.

    JoAnn
  5. sierrasioux

    sierrasioux New Member

    I am totally a homebody like 600 just said.
    But, I have been lucky enough to where everyone in my family and my friends have been very supportive.
    Just from what you said you do sound depressed. I have gone through the same feelings, but I have been on Wellbutrin now for years.
    Only this past few weeks have I noticed that I feel like it doesn't help anymore. My new dr. told me to take 5-HTP and it is making me feel better.
  6. sierrasioux

    sierrasioux New Member

    i just read your bio and i was glad to see where someone else described exactly what i do when walking and climbing.
    it just seems that some of my friends don't really believe me when i am climbing and stop every few steps because it kills my legs.
    my husband understands everything and my family is supportive, but i think that when i am with a few of my friends walking or climbing they are thinking---how could she already be tired or how can that really hurt her legs?
  7. Cindy

    Cindy New Member

    Boy oh boy can I relate! But there are also times where I would rather my family just go away too! I do believe this is because they are not understanding either,or I feel that they just could care less. My hubby can be sooo hurtful at times with the things he says to me, and now we seem to be fighting against each other with every aspect in life in which we should be able to draw closer together! However I must say that I do have one person in my life that is not judegmental,rude,skeptical as you say, she is my best friend,and you wonder why, well it is cause she also suffers with FMS,but there have been times that I have shut her out as well. There have been times where I just wish that I could sleep,not have to deal with anything!

    I dont think I have answers for you, but I do want you to know that you are not alone, there are several of us as I am sure.

    But also when thinking it could be just depression, or there is a medical diagnoises that it could be but what you discuss maybe the begining of this or may not. Aagoraphobia sp? I have seen one person in my life that did suffer with this, and it can be devestating,but it is a real problem.

    Please feel free to vent ...you need an outlet somewhere...let it be here where you feel safe!

    With much love,
    Cindy
  8. EZBRUZR

    EZBRUZR New Member

    The adjustments one needs to remain emotionally strong(even if heatlth is compromised)part or that ,I feel, is interpersonal interaction.Yes, I too find MANY situations far more uncomfortable socially than pre illness.However I feel I have had to compromise MANY pieces of who I am. I refuse to give in.I will not allow a non explained medical condition TAKE away the world,with everything else.I may o to the Forest rather than Night Club,but I will still go. As far as the *normals* I feel bad for their intolorence and lack of understanding. I however am going to B there until there isn't. Think about kmelodyg----she was interveiwed to help herself and others.Enjoyment of peace and quiet in a srene surrounding ,yes.Staying away,out of life--do not comprehend.....IMO.. Peace,Blessings and happiness to all,Lisa
  9. atrinigyal29

    atrinigyal29 New Member

    Don't apologize for venting!! We all need that sometimes. I too can relate to what you say. On my worst days I don't feel like talking or interacting with anyone. I shut myself up in my tv room and just vegetate, as that is all I am able to do. Even "normal" people do that when they are ill with a bad flu or something like that. Who wants to socialize when you aren't feeling well? At the same time, however, closing yourself off from other people all the time and worrying about them judging you doesn't help either. Sometimes it's good to talk on the phone or socialize just to get your mind off of feeling so poorly. It can be a good distraction. Church is a great place to socialize. Don't worry that people may be judging you. It is very difficult for healthy people to understand what we go through, and it's not worth your time or effort to worry about what they think of you. Like you mentioned before, you have friends here on this board who understand what you are going through and are able to provide the love and support you need. Anyway, take care, and remember we are all here for you.
    Alicia
  10. marta

    marta New Member

    I fight those feelings all the time.

    I know there is some depression to blame for my antisocial preferences, too, but mostly it's because leaving my somewhat controlled environment is so HARD. I do so dread that unavoidable moment when the heaviest, foggiest fatigue rolls in and I'm in the middle of a social exchange or an appointment. There I am, powerless to lie down or to remove myself as I need to. I almost wish I would turn green or red or blue. At least I would not be expected to continue on as if nothing was going on.

    As far as people understanding, well, I don't really expect them to. It would be like someone who has any kind of handicap expecting *normal* folks to know what it feels like; that's just not possible. Patience would be nice but I think that expecting others to understand is unrealistic.

    Thank God for boards like this one and others where we can go to feel accepted and understood. In the meantime we must keep doing the very best we can, not only for us, but because I believe we all have something very special to give to the world just as we are.

    Marta

  11. sandy10seven

    sandy10seven New Member

    It is tough that so many can't or won't try to understand what we have, especially when we are trying so hard to keep going.

    If you just needed to vent, that's a healthy normal thing and you came to the right place. For sure. :)

    I take anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds and they do help me cope. If you keep feeling like this, you can talk to your doctor about some meds for the depression and anxiety. It's no reflection on you and certainly doesn't mean you're a "mental case" - it's a common side effect of being physically ill.

    Hang in there,
    Sandy

  12. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I do the exact same thing. I just don`t want to deal with people`s ignorance about this illness anymore. Whenever I talk to anyone that doesn`t have it, I always end up feeling frustrated and alone.

    I have a nice family but they don`t understand either. When I talk about Fm, they usually change the subject. My husband is the only one that reallly believes how ill I am and that I can talk to about it. Thank God for him or I would go crazy.

    To heck with the rest of the world, I don`t need em.
  13. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Hazygal, Don't be too hard on yourself with this. I think we all go through this kind of thing. I remember when my father would always tell me I was strange because I would prefer animals (my cat) to people. I have always felt people were judgemental as well. The key here is to try to surround yourself with a few key people who love you. I know that sounds too hard, but I have had to work really hard to get rid of the toxic people in my life. Some of these people really aren't horrible, they just have issues to work through themselves. I am a sensitive person, but sometimes I think it's up to me to try and tame that, because we can't change other people only ourselves. I always find comfort in my cat and always will, but people are important too. We love you. Hugs, Chelz.
  14. Annette2

    Annette2 New Member

    Hi. I read what you wrote and understand where you're coming from. I also read that you're a twin. I am an identical twin. My sister lives in a different state and I miss her terribly. She doesn't have FMS like I do. But I am convinced that she also has the "predisposition" for it and that something could set it off. Anyway, I'm sorry you and your sister aren't close. She would be a wonderful friend for you if you could patch things up. In my mind, having my twin sister is one of the best things that ever happened to me! We speak 3 or 4 times a day! I hope the two of you can get back together!

    Annette2
  15. Lexied

    Lexied New Member

    I know exactly how you feel! I used to be this happy, bubbly, energetic person before the "Invisible Monster" (FM)
    stole my life from me. Now I dread running in to someone I know and I don't even make eye contact with people anymore. I have a precious few friends that seem to understand and accept me the way I am now but even they sometimes seem to pass judgement on me. I have heard so many times ... "Why can't you find a Doctor to help you?" or "What did you do that made you hurt so bad?" like I asked for this awful disease! You really learn who your friends are real fast when you are suddenly disabled and it's so hard not to turn in to a bitter person because of the way some ignorant people treat you, but I am slowly learning not to let them bother me so much. They don't walk in my shoes and I will offer no apologies for the way I feel - I am trying to remember that there is no way they can really know how much I hurt. Only I will ever know that! I pray that both of us will be able to find a way to find some joy in our lives again ... Jesus loves us... even if it seems like no one else does!
  16. imgreat

    imgreat New Member

    I have news- my sister totally understands my cfs and fibro.
    My bestfriend across the street has had a life of perfect health but both of them are very understanding. They give about 200% to our relationship! I think sometimes with this disease it is so taxing with our fatigue issues,it makes it very difficult socially. So even under the best of situations it's hard. Also without even coming under the clinical classification of anxiety disorders alot of people with fibro find that it's takes alot more energy that when we were well. Many times it is just too much on an already taxed and stressed body. If you think meds could help in your situation have it checked. People in our lives can help make life more tolerable! Good luck!
  17. milnotgil

    milnotgil Guest

    Hi everybody,
    I just want to say I just registered here tonight, and that what everyone is talking about are my feelings! I am a homebody now, I wasn't until a few years ago when I started feeling sick. It took all of the 3 years to find out what was wrong with me. And as I was reading this post, boy I can relate to you and everyone else!
    I just want to be alone! My family is very supportive and all, but when I don't feel good I want to be alone!
    Even when my family is here if I feel like going to my room and being alone they respect that.
    At first it was hard for them to understand, but since I was DX {6/6/03} with this DD they are just wonderful and try to help me as much as possible.I don't like what I have become, but this is me now!
    I just want to say I have really love this website and everyone seems to understand each other. I hope I can continue to come and vent out my feelings often and maybe chat with some of you. Thank you, ~*Mellie*~
  18. nancyw

    nancyw New Member

    Hi Hazygal: I, too, have turned into a hermit these last two years. I have always been an extremely social person and loved to be around people. However, since I divorced 7 years ago I just don't put myself in social settings any more. I've been on anti-depressants since then, and yes, I have been to counseling which doesn't seem to help. I am perfectly content to stay at home (I live alone) with my 5 cats. I will go to a movie or out to eat sometimes, but definitely don't miss the "social" scene. I moved to a small town to be by my daughter and grandkids and they are really the only folks I see regularly. I haven't worked since I moved, but I don't even really miss that. I am just so tired of dealing with "life" and "people", I think that I need a break. My cats and grandkids give me the unconditional love that I need. They don't judge me or hurt my feelings or make me feel like I have to justify my actions - they just love me. I have suffered from vertigo a lot in the last year and sometimes can't drive so I started taking an on-line course through the community college for medical transcriptionist. Hopefully I will finish by the end of the year and be able to work from home and still allow me the flexibility to be with the grandkids. It's just a weird feeling, living like a hermit; really different for me. I know there's a lot of emotional stuff behind it, but I'm very content. Sorry to ramble.
  19. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    I prefer my animals to most people, the best friends I have are animal lovers too. I only have three close friends. I have been going to church for 2 1/2 years at the same church. I missed several months here lately because I didn't feel well. My husband and I own our own graphic company, and I went back to church 2 weeks ago for the first time in months. The first thing the pastor did when he saw me was hit me up for signs for mission work in Africa. ( I usually don't mind, and do all work free of charge, but not when I am sick!) The pasor's wife asked me if I felt better, I said no, She says "well you look fine".
    I have never really felt I fit in at this church, There is not a person I would call a friend at the church. Not that I haven't tried either. I am going to look for a new church to start going to. I just am a bit nervous going to a new place. There is a small church at the end of my street that I have been wanting to go to, but I am scared, I know that is silly, but I can't help it. Maybe I will find the strength to overcome my shyness and go Sunday. I can hope.
    Kellyann
  20. Manwithfibro

    Manwithfibro New Member

    I just don't bring it up when talking to others. Nobody understands anyways. Plus, I don't want my disease to be my identity.

    That is why I only talk about it here or with my doctor.

    Hang in there.