I think my battery ran out , I hvae no energy to do anything

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Nov 7, 2005.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    After having my daughter , her husband and my 7 month old grandson here for the weekend. I am so tired. My daughter was sick with a bad cold. And her husband was at drill. The baby is teething and was not very happy, he does not sleep all night either and my daughter wants him to do that so she can get some sleep.

    The thing is while they were here, everything they had was dropped on the living room floor, everything from teething biscuts, diapers both wet and clean, baby clothes , husbands gaurd shirts and coats shoes, and socks.All on my clean living room floor.

    I guess it would not have bothered me if I had not just spent two weeks cleaning the house. We had to have it apparised and it had to be cleaned adn it wa a mess. I had washed door, wall, vaccumed the carpet and dusted the coumputer TV and everyting that needed it.
    I then cleaned the kitchen, washed the stove counters, table, floor swept, dishwasher mopped the floor. Cleaned the bedroom, vaccumed the hallway and vaccumed the stairs and swept the ones down stairs. I worked so hard to get the house cleaned up and it looked so good and I really want it to stay that way.

    So having them drop everything on the floor was upsetting to me. I asked them to please pick up their things and they did it but it was a daily battle. His mother does not keep her home clean and untill two weeks ago I didn't do much to keep mine clean but having it clean made me feel so much better about my self because I had been feeling like I could not do anything right and was not able to hlpe out with the house and it took days to get enough energy to lad the dishwasher in past years. I didn't feel good and was so depressed about all the constatnt pain I was in.

    I don't want much but I do want my house to stay clean all the time and I have been working at keeping it that way everyday since thehouse as apparised. It takes alot of hard work for me to vaccum the living room floor. I haev felt so good that my house clean all the time, I felt like I had done something good for me.

    And I was feeling really good about it and I felt better to. And to have the daughter and hubby not pick up their things was upsetting to me,so when they left I was at my mom's and my daughter did pick up everything from the floor and made the living room look better. And it helped me to feel better and whhhiel she was cleaning it I was palying with my 7 month old grandson and I loved it.

    Mom brought me home and I got out the vaccum and vaccumed the living room carpet, and kitchen floor and washed the stove off and the table and laoded the dishwasher and ran it all with in a half hour. I have been so tired today. They left yesterday .

    It has made me think that I really didn't teach my girls to clean the house and make them help when I should have.

    NOw my daughter has her own home and her husband comes from a family of 9 kids and NONE of them have cleaned the house or had chores so their house is a bigger meess than mine was. And they don't do anything now to hep his mother. When my daughter goes over there she is the one that is cleaning the house use so that her sone has a place to crawl on the floor.

    since they go there about 4out of 5 nights aweek and most of the weekends she does not have time with a 7 month old baby to get her home cleaned up . I don't want to upset her by telling her that she needs to spend her time on her house and let her MIL clean her own house. The dad is in Iraq so I know that it is hard for the MIL to keep the family going and keep her self going with out a husband there all the time and he will not be home till late january.

    I want to go help my daughter clean her house but she is the only one of my girls that really understands that I am really in pain all the time. So she does not want me to over do it by cleaaing her house too. But I know that if she had help in getting it clean it would be easier for her to keep it that way and she would have to learn that if it is used up throw it away, if it is dirty cleannn it, if your not wearing it hang it up just simple things like that. But her hubby is one that does not help out at all.

    She is the one that takes him to work at 7 am,sshe picks him up at 4;30pm and he wants to have two dinners as he get hungery and wants her to fix it all the time and when he is hungery at 9 at night she is trying to get the baby to sleep and she can't because she is to busy taking acare of him . I tryed to tell her that he is a big boy and can do it him self and her son can't. So the baby is more important now than the hubby is.

    Maybe I am being harsh to him but I think that he can help him self out. He can do a load of laury and to put it in the dryer and hang it up and put it away. He can help her by out by picking up the clutter off the living room floor while she is fixing his dinner. And when he get hungery later he can fix it for him self so that she can get the baby bathed adn ready to go to bed so that he will be tired and sleepy and sleep through the night.

    But he choose's not to do so, as his mother does everytihng for him when he is home. Well he is married now and has his own home and a wife and son adn he needs to help her out if it is just playing with the baby while she loads her dishwasher. He can do so many things that are small and will help her so much to get the house clean and to keep it clean.

    Ok I failed to teach my girls that they need to be respondsible for cleaning the house and that the husband can help out too just because their own dad did not do it does not mean that their husbands can't help them out. I made a mistake in not teaching them how to clean their rooms much less clean the house. Now they ahve seen that MOM has changed adn my ho use is clean and it will stay clean if I vaccum at least once a week and I load my dishwasher at night and run it early in the morning, I am the one who picks up the things from the liviing room floor and I vacccum it when it needs it.

    Yesterday they went home and I came home and I cleaned it up with in 30 minutes, I could do that because it was clean before they came and I had to have her pick up her things from the floor during her stay with us. so that she will know that I want a clean house and that it takes work to get it cleaned up . And once her house is clean up so that everyday she can just pick up the minor mess that happens in every house it will only take a few minutes adn she wil have more time to do the things she wants to do and spend more time and be happier with her son.

    OK I wil quit preaching, I Know just how hard it is to keep a house clean. I did little things and expected my family to tell me that I was doing so much when I had loaded my dishwasher every wife , mother does that so what was the big deal I was asked by my family. I want her to be heppy and to feel better about her self. I do , I have not felt so good about me since I clean this house because I did it my self yes I was in pain and flared andstill am but I did it and i feel like I really did something worthwhile for me and my husband.

    Now ai am just achhey and hurt alot. I think it is because of this weather we are having in Northern Utah snow today fun right ? NOT! It makes me hurt so much more. I hvae found a lump in my knee joint it is as smallas a beebee but it moves and gets into the joints and then it causes some serious pain for me. I have one in the wrist that I shatterd and it really aches alot and hurt more and more, I know that i am whineing and moaning about how I feel about my house and me. I am not the only one who feels this way.

    I am just exhusted and my back hurts so much from this incomming storm and I am not looking for ward to it comming here. but there is nothing I can do about it. I should be used to this pain as I have had pain since I was 4 years old from leg aches so why do I let it get to me now? I am tired of it and that it never goes away. it eases sometimes but it always comes back to the intecne pain that I have now. And then I get all emotional and whiney about it .I start to act like a baby and I should not do that . I just am exhusted from having p ain all the time and I don't want to take more pain pills than i already do. I am on ones taht do work 90 % of the time except when the weather changes, and then i hurt more. I can't afford the newer medicatations as our script card does not pay well on them and they cost to much for us to pay for.

    Sorry for all the whining. I should be stronger than I am with this pain. Thanks for your support and you caring for and about me. It does mean alot to me that you all care. And I want you to know this. You are wonderful and I thnk you for your caring about me all the time and being friends. Thank you so much.
    HUgs to all,
    Rosemarie
  2. stinker56

    stinker56 New Member

    There is nothing more important than family on this earth. It bothers me too when I clean my house and then my son comes home from work or my husband gets in off the road and just piles everything down intsead of putting it up when they know I don't feel like cleaning it up in the first place but then I think...what if I was one of those women that's son didn't come home from the war or my husband left and didn't come back? Would it matter if my house was clean then? I used to be a clean freak and kept my house spotless but then this DD took over and I had to change my priorities. I would much rather hear stories about what happened to my son during his day or my husband's week away at work than vacumn the living room. The house is still important and some days it drives me crazier than others especially when someone drops in unannounced but I always try to just be thankful I have a home-clean or otherwise. Look at the people where the hurricanes and tornados took not only their homes but a lot of their loved ones. Enjoy life and especially your wonderful grandchildren and try not to let the little things get you down. Sounds like you are a wonderful loving person. Hope you are feeling better and my opinion is to let out the steam anytime you need right here. I am sure we all care and want to help you. Sending you gentle hugs and love.
    Stinker56
  3. elastigirl

    elastigirl New Member

    I just wanted to tell you a little something that's different from our generation and our parents generation that might ease your guilt a little.

    My mother was raised to cook and clean, that was the way when she was growing. She helped with the gardening and helped with the younger children. She also took home ec in school.

    I had a chance to look at one of her home ec textbooks many years back. It taught everything, how to iron, how to clean a house, how to diaper babies. I was really suprised and impressed. (That textbook is gone now as far as I know.)

    Girls weren't required to take home ec when I went to school. I didn't. This was also the time frame when more mothers were starting to work. I didn't get a whole lot of one-on-one time with my mother.

    My mother did try to teach me how to do housework, but I was in my teens in the eighties -- when the focus was on material possessions, greed and fashion -- not on starting a family and keeping a nice home. I didn't even know if I ever wanted to be a mother. So I didn't pay much attention.

    I grew up with polar opposite values from my mother. Now that I have a child and am in a "nesting" mood, I find that I lack some of the basic skills to keep a home clean. It embarrasses me, and I'm trying to retrain myself, but it's a tough and lonely road.

    I never realized how much work it is to keep a clean home when you have a child. I never prepared three meals a day when I was working -- before I had a child. I never had so much laundry in my life. And I swear his toys reproduce during the night. But I'm not blaming my mother. She did try.

    I kinda wish they had adult ed home ec classes :). Please don't blame yourself for their inability to keep clean. They just grew up in changing times, a time full of sitcoms where homes magically cleaned themselves, a time when a man cared more about how well you danced than what kind of mother you might be.

    I see times are changing once again, and the family unit is coming back "into style." But those of us who weren't trained on how to keep a house, etc., will have to learn the hard way -- on our own. No one ~wants~ to live in a dirty home.

    Well, I've rambled on. But I just wanted to say... it's not your fault. I hope your stress eases up soon. Best wishes :).
  4. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I think it's very natural to have a crash and burn after the stress you have been under. Be gentle with yourself, you haven't failed, and are setting a good example for your daughter. The chose however, is hers. Enjoy your clean house for the day!!!
    I have trouble with mine also, clean is so much more peaceful.

    Blessings to you,
    misty