I want to be more involved with family, can't. How to explain?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jaltair, Oct 27, 2005.

  1. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    Hmmm . . My mother is giving me a "birthday party" this next Sunday and my oldest and youngest sons will be there. My oldest with his family that include the loves and delights of my current life, my two little ones (in my profile). I turned 59 this past week, and my body acts like "99!"

    I know many of you have the same problem when people you know and love tell you that you don't look sick as you explain the fatigue and the pain. My main concern is that I really want to be and have family gatherings and do things with everyone, but I get so tired that I begin to just simply start running on nervous energy to get through things, then collapse in exhaustion that is so severe that every pain I have is increased tremendously (can't even measure). By the time this happens, I become a real "bitch." Usually to my husband (bless his understanding heart!).

    Anyway, my mother who is 85, wants to go to my grandson's ball game after the "party" (about 2:00 P.M.), and wants me to take her. When I explained that I didn't know if I would go, she stated, "you should, he's your grandson." Sometimes I just don't know how to handle these things. If I complain too much, I feel like a whiner. Even worse, it's my mother, and her comment made me feel like I was a child again!

    I almost feel compelled to go, but honestly, just going to her home for the "party" (50 miles from where I live), I know that if I continue to feel as I have for the past months, I'll just collapse. I'm afraid of doing that around anyone but my husband, and I'm really afraid that I'll worry my 85 year old mother!

    What to do?

    L, Jeannette
  2. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    Have you read some of the letters that explains our illness and feelings? We have SPOONS...and To whom it may concern.....and other wonderful things we can print out or send in a email to another.

    Is your Amazin' Amazon Mom into computers? Easy way to send such to.
    Easy way is to email OR write a letter. She can not interupt what you are saying or make comments.

    Just say that you wish you were able to do more. That asking too much activity and some times any activity is beyond your limits. That you are not setting the limits, but your body is. That your illness is one that tacks a person completely. That it has many parts to it and it affects your whole being.

    If you do not want her to worry, tell her that it is not killing you, just feels like it.

    But you can not take out that it is a real hard to live with illness and really get her to understand.

    Say I would love to go to the ball game, but I can not do all. That you would then be in bed for several days....etc.

    Your Mom is grown up, and has seen and been through things with herself, family and friends. You can not hide your illness all together.

    So try the letters to her with information on your illness.
    Be as loving as you can. She still might react badly but I bet it starts to sit in some with her. GOOD LUCK!

    PS..adding: I sent many of info I found online to family and friends. I almost backed out thinking that they would think I was having a pity party. I was not looking for nor want pity, just understanding and letting them know that I want to be a part of everyone's life, the best I can and that I sometimes could not...and they would understand. I got great responses.......and it has gotten better, my relationships with all.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/28/2005]