I won, still sad

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by pamlamb, Oct 24, 2006.

  1. pamlamb

    pamlamb New Member

    Its finally over, I am getting disability! I should be very happy yes? This battle has been going on 3 yrs...but, I have this sadness all the time and this did not make it go away. Actully I cried! Anyone have this sadness all the time?
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    when i found out i won the battle the first time, i cried.

    then i had to go do battle again, much easier. but i am waiting for them to get their crap together and pay me the money they still owe me.

    silly stufff, charged me for an attorney and didn't even use one. list goes on and on..

    i got to find sum tums.

    acid in my throat..

  3. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Congratulations on finally getting your disability.

    I was so surprised. My brother is age 58 and applied for disability in early August this year and I was shocked he was awarded it last week. He has degenerative disc disease in his cervical spine.

    Because he got the disabilty easily it worries me he is really bad. I was sure we would need an attorney.

    It sounds like you might be depressed with good reason. You have been through alot. I was feeling down a few months ago and decided to see a therapist. (I really did not want to take anti-depressants).

    Anyway, it helped alot to talk to someone each week for several weeks. I am okay now. They call it "cognitive therapy" and it is intended to be short term.

    If you ever feel you want to talk to someone you can do a websearch under "psychology today" and they have referrals for therapists in your area. That is how I found my doctor.

    They recommend you see three therapists before deciding on one. I did see three and loved the doctor I saw. I would go back to her again if I ever felt bad again.

    She gave me tons of feedback. When I did not feel like talking she carried the session. A wonderful person who really helped me.

    Anyway, hope you are feeling better....

  4. momofabz

    momofabz New Member

    I go to the ALJ for my SSD trial the end of Nov. Please say prayers for me and my family. My beconning sick has put so much trouble on to my family. We even "lost" our house. I can't believe I am at this point in my life and it seems like the last 17 years didn't count....will all the peoples lives I touched remember me?(I was in the medical field) The only thing that matters is that my hubby and kids are wiht me...I can't get myself down....it is just to hard to climb that hill sometimes....
  5. aquabugs

    aquabugs New Member

    Hi Pamlamb

    Congratulations on getting approved.

    I do understand your sadness. I have been off work for a year now with this DD. Formerly a hard working woman who put up with a bipolar, abusive husband for 18 years, put herself through college while raising 2 teen sons and worked as an environmental scientist before I was flattened by this horrible disease. I miss my job and my old life!

    I don't think any amount of money can make us feel better. I am sure you are like me and would rather have your old self back than to live this way.

    The suggestions about a therapist are great. I'm probably going to find one myself.

    Take care and feel better.

  6. Aeronsmom

    Aeronsmom New Member

    Congratulations on your win!

    it does sound like you have depression...I am an expert of depression, of course I am NOT a Dr and do not have the certificate to say you do. But please go see your GP and talk to her/him about what you are feeling. I am soooo sorry you are feeling sad you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    love to all, Ann
  7. Aeronsmom

    Aeronsmom New Member

    I just wanted to say you are in my prayers too with your hearing coming up, I just had my hearing on the 17th of this month and the judge will let me know his decission
    in 30-60 days..but he said more like 30 days.
    Good luck to you sweetie.

    Love to all, Ann
    [This Message was Edited on 10/25/2006]
  8. MamaDove

    MamaDove New Member

    Very happy that the battle is over for you...I am still fighting, 2 years, 2 denials and hearing a month ago and still waiting...I dunno how I will react if I get the favorable decision...We should be happy we won, that the fight is finally over but then the fact that we are 'disabled' in writing...I think I will be more sad but can't say til I get it...

    Pamlamb, would you mind sharing what issues won your case? I checked your profile, but it's not filled out...The reason I ask, is many fight for so long and don't know why if they are so sick and can't work, they keep losing...My lawyer told me I wouldn't win due to my age and just listing fibro, so he worked hard to get all my records for the past 15 years and more and was I shocked when I realized what I was living with...And still SS denied me...

    I can no longer work the way I currently am and although I am hoping to get better and actually work again one day (dreamer that I am ), my health MUST come first and the thought and fight to go back to work MUST come second...I suffered more when I worked!!!

    Congrats again!!!
  9. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Hi Pamlamb

    I think I know exactly how you feel. I won my disability almost 2 years ago here in Canada. It was a very stressful time and I was happy to finally have it over with but....

    You are still sick. A lot of your energy and attention has gone to fighting to get your disability. Now you are left with having to live with your illness. That is hard.

    For me I felt depressed, emotionally exhausted and kind of lost. I didn't know what to do next!

    Fortunately I was going to a therapist at the time. Had started seeing her before I have my diagnosis of FM. This therapist practiced cognitive behavioural therapy. She really helped me deal with my emotions.

    One huge emotion for me was anger! I was angry for all the years that I tried to find a doctor to believe that I was sick. I was angry that I had to prove myself again to the disability! I was angry at certain family members who had doubted me all the years I was sick and were still doubting me after my diagnosis.

    I had to find a way to deal with all these emotions that were swamping me. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy was what worked for me.

    Anyway congratuations on winning your disability case. Remember we are here if you need to talk or vent!

    hugs Redwillow
  10. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    Of course you are sad. I bet what you really wanted was your health and life back. It is so sad that people have to fight so hard for disability when they would rather have their health. I say that your saddness is normal, let yourself grieve. Gentle Hugs, Tam
  11. pamlamb

    pamlamb New Member

    Its nice to talk with all of you. I have had a lot of things go wrong in this ole body, but 2003 it went crazy. Migraine out of control, muscle pain, gastric issues, TMJ,chronic sinus pain, basily every thing lumped under fibro I have or have had. The first 2 times I tried on my own and by myself, never realizing how important it is to appeal...So in 2005, I got a lawyer and we applied for severe depression top of the list. I have been and will keep seeing a physchiatrist, and behaviorist, it helps some. I have actually had some kind of therapy since I was a teen. I've pulled myself up many times and worked thru it, but this time is different. The sadness never goes away. My kids are grown now so its only me to take care of, harder than it sounds, as I'm sure you all know. Always appeal the decisions, you have nothing to lose and plenty to gain when its over. Get a lawyer and appeal! A lot of them won't take your case if they can't win, and gets no money if they lose.In the end, they listed all my physical complaints as eligable, when it was my mental health I had on the top of the list this time. I think it really is whom ever's desk it crosses that day. Hope this helps, all your letters helped me. Thanks again, and hang in there!!
  12. pamlamb

    pamlamb New Member

    I will gladly put down word for word..We have found that you meet the medical requirements for disability benefits.

    severe depression, migraines, fibro, chronic pain, Tmj /chronic sinus/ear .non-hodgkins lymphoma, anemia, poor memory, severe anxiety, asthma/sleep apnea. Well, they didn't go back to 2003, but these are the things they took from my history and said made me eligable. Of course this was over a 3 yr period, I went to a pain clinic 18 months, and hospital stay for migraines. also er visits. It took quite a while, and the complaints spaned a long time also. Just don't give up. If you have any more questions I'll help if I can. Thank you again for your letter.
  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Even though it was a huge relief to have gotten my disability, I felt as though it was now "official" that I was a disabled person. I try to look at myself as a person with a disability, but it seemed as though somehow, I now bore a stamp on my forehead which placed me in one of the lower eschelons of society.

    In addition, I think the whole process we have to go through to prove our inability to work to SSA is demeaning and unnecessarily expensive for us and unnecessarily lengthy. It took me three years to win my case. I spent $7,000 of my own money for insurance when I should have been eligible for Medicare.

    So, my friend, you are not alone. I think your emotional reaction is perfectly normal. If it doesn't go away, I highly recommend a therapist to help you adjust. If you can, celebrate your win. You are only getting what is rightfully yours and that which you have been paying into for years. SSD isn't welfare; it's insurance and you've paid your premiums and are entitled to it. And, if you do need welfare and qualify for it, there's no shame in that. We are all in this situation through no fault of our own. I don't know anyone who wouldn't rather be well and working. It's just that we can't. Take care.

    Love, Mikie
  14. MamaDove

    MamaDove New Member

    Thank you for coming back and sharing some of the details that won your case...You wouldn't think you would need to have that many illnesses til you finally get heard...

    I hired a lawyer first thing this time...The first time I applied I was 28, got first denial and when I saw how they lied in their denial letter, I knew I couldn't handle their 'crap'...I had been dealing with a work injury, serious surgery and the beginnings of all this mess and I knew the stress of dealing with the government was not going to be helpful, so I walked away and tried to start over...Isn't it amazing what we go through!!!

    This time my rheumy told me to hire a lwayer and forget it. My lawyer suggested that I go to a great psychologist...I warned him that I don't play games and I don't PAY for diagnoses that will help my case UNLESS they are factual...I told the doc before we started that I didn't want any FLUFF in this report, I wanted to know EXACTLY what was wrong with me and I wanted a copy of this to help myself...He was shocked at my request and told me so...My report came back 'severe depression' due to living with chronic pain and illnesses with no cure and lifelong stress.

    I also took tests which classified me as 'genius' and I in no way was a malingerer...But, still had 2 denials and had to go before a judge which I thought went very well, it was very difficult to go through, but I believe my judge was very caring and going to see the truth...UNless he is a good liar, the words he spoke after the hearing seemed to be favoring me...I still wait tho...

    I'm sorry you have such low feelings but for me, the longer I have all these problems, the sadder I become...I fight back every day and hope I never get so bad that I give up...I have been down that road before too and it's scary. In my profile, you will see that I live for my hubby and furry kids...They need me!!!

    Well hon, thank you for sharing that information, it will help someone else I am sure...When I receive my decision, I will be posting the determination and sharing my experience once again...There are so many newbies here who need some detailed info...

    Peaceful days ahead~Alicia