I Worry About What Might Happen, Anyone Else?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by greatgran, Aug 23, 2008.

  1. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Since this DD, I seem to worry all the time. Not that it is enough putting up with the now, why do I go to the what if's?

    If I can keep busy it doesn't bother me as much but with this DD its hard to plan, keep busy and be peaceful or at least it is with me.

    The pain, body aches are bad but I can handle those its when all the emotional "crap" starts, then my brain goes into overdrive big time.

    What if this isn't CFS/FM, at my age what if its a stroke, MS, brain tumor etc. how can I cope and on and on. I relize how silly these emotions are and I talk to myself but it doesn't seem to be helping.

    I am afraid to go places, even when I am able , because of the what if's. What if I go and have a crash or something worse. Then I worry about what if something happens to my husband, children, grans, and greatgrans. I hate these feelings.

    Hate to make any plans , then I start worrying will I be able to keep them, even doctors appointments etc.

    I feel I am just one big mess physically and mentally, I am beginning to think more mental.

    The doctor wants to up my xanax since I can't tolerate AD's but there I go again with the what if's . Heck after 6 years on them I am dependant so what difference does it make, especailly at my age?

    My Mother was on xanax for years then when she had to go to the nursing home they didn't want to give them to her. I had to fight tooth and nail with the doctors. Then there were times I know she didn't get them when needed.

    I need to change my way of thinking but had to come here to vent.

    Thanks and God Bless,

  2. harrysmom

    harrysmom Member

    I hate to say this, Greatgran, but you will know what I mean. I really think most of the time the symptoms that are the worst for me with CFS are the mental ones and the anxiety and worry problems are at the top of the list.

    When I ache I take Darvocet and I'm fine. When I feel really fatigued I just stay flat on a couch or in bed. When I have a stomach issue I can treat that. But the constant worry and anxiety and being afraid to go places and deal with people and get to appointments or even make them because "what if" is slowly making me feel like I'm losing my mind. Lately it's been real bad. Xanax takes the edge off it and helps me sleep, but once the drug wears off we're right back to square one. I have had CFS for 12 years. I'm 61.

    The smallest things make me nervous and my mind is always either racing or worried about something and I know just what you mean about having an appointment or a family committment...all you do is make yourself sicker worrying that you'll be able to attend the scheduled event. By the time the thing rolls around you're so much worse than usual just because you can't shut off the worry and anxiety that builds up for days beforehand.

    I know exactly what you're talking about. I would gladly take more body pain to be able to shut what's going on in my brain with this CFS OFF!!

    I know this doesn't cure any of your problems, but I wanted you to know I'm a fellow sufferer with CFS and know how you feel and can only take Xanax and a pain killer as all other things have had horrible side effects, like anti-depressents. At least we can take comfort in the fact that with all these similar symptoms we probably don't have a brain tumor or MS or anything else at this point. It's just this DD.

    Hang tough.

  3. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Thank You, Thank You,. I am so sorry your suffer with this
    horrible "thing" but you brought me great comfort in knowing I am not the only one.

    Your description is exactly how I feel. Also the aging issue is scary for me.

    How I wish I had an answer for us. I can take the aches and fatigue but this mental is horrible and I haven't found a way of dealing with it.

    I am trying to care for my greatgrans during the day and I am getting to the point I can't do that. The little had a doctor's appointment Friday, I paniced and had to get someone go with me.

    I want to go to the beach at least one more time but am so afraid of going. Hate to spend the money and get there and stay in the room with my anxiety etc. Do you travel?

    Thanks again and God Bless,
    [This Message was Edited on 08/23/2008]
  4. harrysmom

    harrysmom Member

    I have had the CFS for 12 years. In that time the only couple of times I traveled alone while driving myself was to work - I was a teacher - which was a half hour each way and the panic was horrendous - some mornings I would pull off the road and just sit there and try and calm down a little and some mornings I would just pray to myself and go back home. Once in the house I would feel safer and the really bad panic would go away, but not the always present worry about what was going to happen next. When I first got sick I drove a couple of times alone to see my dad which is a 2 and a half hour trip on the interstates through Atlanta and I remember gripping the steering wheel and nearly going crazy with all the cars and painted lines going along beside me and it's only by the grace of God that I made it home safe those couple of trips. After that I never drove myself alone anywhere on a long trip.

    I can drive on back roads a short distance and I've even done all right going through a fast food drive-thru alone on occassion, but that's about it.

    I went with my roommate and my father a few years into my illess over to Myrtle Beach and that's 7 hours from our house. The trip nearly put me over the edge. I just had to lay on a bed for four or five hours so I wouldn't feel like I was shaking and vibrating. Being at the beach wasn't as fun as it used to be because I can't stand getting too hot and I'm too tired to walk into the ocean and so mostly I sat on the patio near the pool or on the balcony of our hotel room and watched the ocean. It was a good change of scene, but the trip wore me out and made me realize I really can't do the things I always loved doing.

    Three summers ago I was feeling pretty strong and my roommate drove us to New England and we were gone two weeks. Mostly I rode around looking at the scenery and we went through some museums, but old houses with several levels I couldn't do so that was bad. We also found that it's best to stay in one hotel for many nights because changing every night is so stressful.

    Last September we drove over to the coast of South Carolina and I had always wanted to visit a specific old plantation house near Charleston and it required a lot of walking and after I did that I was in bed for two days in the hotel and I really thought I was going to die. I prayed that my roommate could get me back to the Atlanta area so I could die at home with my cats around me.

    Greatgran - I know to some people this sounds ridiculous and pitiful, but I know you can relate to this. All I can say is you are the only one who can truly decide on the trip and just realize it isn't going to be the way you may have remembered it being when you could go swimming and walk the beach and jummp in the car and go out to eat or get ice cream or ride the rides in the amusement park, etc. And when you get there and come back there will be a lot of rest required on both ends.

    All the best to you,