I'd like to share a dream that I had...Do you have FMS

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MamaDove, Oct 11, 2006.

  1. MamaDove

    MamaDove New Member

    In your Dreams???

    I have always been a vivid dreamer, dreaming in color and great detail and thank to my Mom, I know my dreams have great meaning...

    This is difficult to share and some may read the beginning of this and think 'mamadove is strange'...If you have FMS/CF, I hope you read to the end and maybe share your experiences too...

    For some background, I have had these dd's for 13 years (that I noticed, when I think back I had symptoms starting as a child)...My symptoms have been exaserbated over the years by exercise, working and the oh so overbearing stress of "GRIEF"...I have had my share of personal loss as well as the loss of the person I used to be...I MISS MY OLD LIFE SO!!!

    Having said that, my greatest loss was the loss of my boy Moose...My beautiful chocolate lab who suffered with epilepsy and who left this world much too soon last year...He wasn't even 7...

    All my dreams of him have been short and scary...I see him, I think to myself "there's my boy" and everytime I approach him, thinking we are going to unite again (I know my dream capabilities allow me to 'visit; with those that are gone), Moose begins to show signs of a seizure coming...I try to stop it as I always had while he was here, I then panic and think I cannot allow him to have another and I abruptly wake and find my face soaked from the tears and my heart pounding...I was sharing these with my husband in the beginning but it upset him, so I stopped...The last one I had like this was a few months ago and I felt I would never again be able to see him in my dreams without the overshadow of that evil 'seizure monster'...

    Lastnites dream was so different...It started with me walking through my home that we are in now and all my boys under foot...Having 3 labs for a long time I guess it is a normal occurence...I no longer look down to see which is which, I know their touch, their footsteps, their body shape and strength..Everything about them I know with my eyes closed...So in my dream I am feeling like it's over a few years ago and it's a normal day in my house...

    I find myself on my back deck with my hubby and there is a large pup out there needing my attention...I bend down to pet him and I start to kiss his face...I am talking to him like did Moose but I don't realize it's really him (I guess cause he's a puppy)

    I am then inside holding him and wlaking through the house (Moose was a big pup, 10 weeks and 22 lbs and I carried him everywhere then, I was able to without pain), I then am at that front of my house and someone is trying to get in the door, a friend of my hubby's, I tell him to close the door cause the boys will get out (always an issue with 3 labbies), I then try to call the one that's at the door and cannot remember his name...I am walking with Moose in my arms (again, not really knowing it was him til I wake) and trying to call the other and realizing I am having a 'brain fog' and cannot remember my own boys name...

    So here I am this morning...After a night of having my first dream where I actually had my first experience with my Angel Moose which should be soooooooooooooooooooo friggin wonderful YET it's my first experience of having my illnesses in my dreams...I am trying to think ONLY about my son who I miss so terribly (it almost put me in the hospital during the holidays last year, Imagine?) and I should just be thankful for FINALLY getting to hold him and kiss him again (it felt so real) but it's overshadowed by these F(&^$&N Health problems that have now made their way from my reality to my only safe place, my dreams...

    Now what?

    Anyone care to help me get through this...I am always strong and take on my problems and the worlds at the same time, but when it comes down to this experience, I am unsure how to deal...

    Does this happen to anyone else? Are you sick in your dreams? I can't believe I was actually carrying my one son and the other I couldn't remember his name...I get tongue tied most days and call them by the wrong names and there are also times I just stop and can't even bring it up to the front of my brain, just like in the dream...I know it was 'fog', I identified it right away and got so darn pi$$ed, but I still held onto Moose without pain...I don't get it!!!

    This is a rough day for me, I could use some hugs~Alicia
  2. mosherpit

    mosherpit New Member

    I am so sorry that this dream brought you down like that. Most of my dreams I don't really remember but lately I know they have been filled with terror and anxiety as my husband has woken me up to stop my screaming.

    Try to focus on the happy part of the dream and not the negative. ANd remember lots of people that don't have Fibro stammer over the name of their child, listing all of them and the pets names before they get the right one.

    Sending you a smile and a hug.
  3. 1faith

    1faith New Member

    I'm so sorry-you DO need a hug today! I'm glad Moose came to visit last night and he was fine. Maybe it means you are going to be fine too. Maybe that was a turning point for the better in your life. Today might be the day everything changes...for the better. :)
  4. lptopcat

    lptopcat New Member

    Here are some ((((((big hugs)))) for you. I have not experienced dreams such as yours, but I feel the pain you are feeling.

    I am so sorry you are feeling poorly and it surely is showing up in your dreams.

    I hope it gets better for you soon.

  5. Kimba4318

    Kimba4318 New Member

    HI mamadove - sorry you are upset. My dreams can be very vivid as well. I do have ones where I have bad terror things chasing my son and I am trying to hide him, but am exhausted from trying to move him from place to place (FM moments). I was trying to protect him from bad things and used every bit of energy I had left (which was not much).

    I awoke heart pounding out of my chest and tears streaming for my eyes and so terrified to go back to sleep, afraid I had no more energy to "hide" him. I realized, if I take a muscle relaxant with my sleeping pills (doc reccomended) I have these nightmares. NOw I chose to take one or the other, no matter what I feel like because I am so scared I will have these vivid nightmares again.

    I am glad you got to see your angel Moose and hope your next dream will be full of joy and not focused on the FM. Sorry you are feeling down.

    Sending BIG supportive hugs your way....
    P.S. - I always call everyone else in the house before I get to the right name.. so frustrating.. Sometimes I just point... Brain dead...
  6. MamaDove

    MamaDove New Member

    I can feel those HUGS...Really I can!!!

    My husband shared with me today that he dreams about Moose ALL THE TIME...His dreams are ALWAYS happy and Moose is ALWAYS running and playing with him standing nearby as he always did while he was here...Moose required 24/7 care and watching over and we gave him that for almost 5 years...If I tell you the most time that we left him alone at home, in his crate, with his brothers, was for the max an hour, I was usually home with him and seldom would leave unless I HAD to...

    You would think I would be relieved that the stress of his caretaking is gone now, but I would give all that I have to watch over him again...

    I know he is repaying me for all I did for him and he is now watching over all of us...Comforting? YES! But knowing I have to wait to see him again gets to me daily...I guess 18 months isn't long enough to deal with the loss and as time goes on, it will get easier...Too bad as time goes on, I get sicker, so I guess in one way the grief will be going away as my illnesses get me more...Not too positive thinking I know, but that's my life now...I am doing the best I can ya know....tehe

    Thanks again all, I am thankful I can come here and share and receive help from others who know how I am feeling...

  7. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    I, too, have always had vivid dreams which are in color. I also have Endometriosis and FMS and am unable to have children. Like you, my pets are my children (I have three cats). I lost Felix-a black cat that I had for 21 years. The vet said he was the oldest patient he had ever had and he was almost ready to retire when he said that. People who are not animal lovers do not understand how much we grieve when we lose them.

    Like you, I have also lost both of my parents. My dad also died in 1998. Today is the 4th anniversary of my mother's death. Each year it gets a little easier, but I still miss them so. I also lost a dear aunt this year who suffered from alzheimers for years. Losing those I love makes me appreciate all the more those who are still here.

    It sounds like you have a really loving and sensitive husband who loves your "children" as much as you do. My cats offer me so much love and companionship. They love to take naps with me. It is so comforting to have a cat snuggled with me when I am in pain.

    Sorry this is so long, but I just wanted to let you know I understand how you feel. Here's a big ((((((hug))))))!!
    Take care of yourself-better days are ahead!

  8. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    I have vivid dreams, and I also recently have suffered many losses. My beloved black lab, Lucy died in my arms in February. She was diagnosed with cancer on a Friday, and was dead by the following Wednesday (they were going to operate on her on Monday, but they took a chest xray and found that she was full of tumors, so they said to have her put down or take her home to die, which I chose).

    On Monday and Tuesday, I spent every moment I had with her, and then on Wednesday, she couldn't get up when I got home from work. She was in the garage. I wrapped her in a blanket and carried her into the livingroom by the fire.
    I called the vet, and it took him an hour to arrive with the tools to put her down. By this time she was crying out and having seizures. I couldn't bear to see her suffer so!

    He gave her the final shot, while I held her. It was all over in an instant. He wanted to take her and dispose of her body, but I refused, saying she would be burried in our backyard.

    Boy do I miss my beautiful Lucy!! I thought I'd die! I never wanted another dog again, it was just too painful.

    Well, in July, we went to the pound and came away with Lucky, our mixed lab puppy.

    We love her to death!

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