IF I Have ONE more person minimize my DD, I'll scream

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shoshi68, Jul 29, 2003.

  1. shoshi68

    shoshi68 New Member

    I just got back from visiting an aunt and I am experiencing a flare. She is a workolholic and does have her own problems, but she doen't get it!My fathers wife was there too. She told me that she thinks she too has FM... for the umpteenth time! I hate it when people hear of or see me in pain and fatigued, and say they they must have it too! they are functioning and capable are not in the throes of a flare and don't have any idea what it feels like... you know. I have gained weight, like so many others and the women say that I should try to exercise more, they say it nicely enough and I know they want the best for me, but I am sick of this. I feel old and tired, ugly and fat. This exhausts me more. and I needed to vent. I am so sick of people minimizing my experience, I don't beg for sympathy, i try to ignore the symptoms, but the people who say that they are tired, and are just tired- not like us- have no right to make themselves feel better by saying stuff like that. Thanks for listening.
  2. atrinigyal29

    atrinigyal29 New Member

    Vent your heart out! :) I'm so sorry that you have to deal with stuff like that. I also know how frustrating it can be when people minimize this DD. They just don't understand. The only people that truly do are those that have FM. That's why this sight is so great! We can express our feelings here with people who are going through similar situations. It's so hard to get through the day and then people tell you things like you should exercise more or minimize how ill you are. How awful!!
    Alicia
  3. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    I'm so lucky my family has never subjected me to that. (Except that my dad's wife who recovered from CFS seemed to think treating candida would cure me.)

    When you're in the right frame of mind, you could just smile sweetly and thank them for whatever suggestion they make. (Sounds like you might already do this.)

    And when your dad's wife or aunt says she has fibro, you could go through the litany of symptoms and ask her if she has any of them.... Especially the ones that healthy people don't usually experience--I don't know what they are for fibro.

    I know you just needed to vent, so maybe I shouldn't have replied except to say "vent away!"
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I know what you mean about your Aunt's type of person and also your Father's wife too.

    I had an Aunt that was a workaholic (I was just like her, never stopped till this hit me), and did not think that any one should be sick, if you said you were tired or sick, she would tell you how hard she worked all her life, and had been sick only once.
    She had the flu once in her life! She did work hard, but she did not believe anyone should say they were tired, or sick.
    She died at 83 years old, and I think she would still be here working if her husband had not died four months before her. She grieved for him, and flat quit eating.

    I gave the book; 'From Fatigue to Fantastic' to all three of my children, so they could understand what this illness was all about that I had, and also should they ever get any of the symptoms they would be forewarned.

    Well, my DIL read the book, the next time I visited, she was telling my daughter and I about the 'pain' she had in her back, shoulders and on and on.

    She took the diagram from the book with the pressure points, and was standing there lying her butt off about having FM!
    I know this girl since she was a child, and I can assure you she does not have anything but a screwed up brain wrong with her, she is as healthy as a mule, and twice as stubborn.
    If she had just one of these spasms that we get, I would have to move to another country to get away from her(so would everyone else she knows), not just the distance I have already put between her and I.

    Have you met the type of person that has has another illness and does not believe you are sick?

    I had a friend like that (emphasis on the HAD), she developed type 2 diabetes, I knew her for twenty years, we got along well untill she got diabetes.

    After that, I had to get her out of my life. She swore and be damned that I was not sick, SHE was sick, she could not eat what she wanted (junk food addict, sugar freak, etc), she was overweight, etc., I did not have any of the problems she had according to her.
    Thats the other kind, let me know when you meet one of them :)

    There are a lot of people like those you are talking about. What you need to do with them, is simply ignore their foolish chatter, and see them as little as possible if they are family, if they are friends, get rid of them they are truly toxic to us.

    Stress causes us pain, those type of people do not feel a thing, but we get sick defending ourselves when we should not have too, if you are a friend, you believe when someone says they are sick, not tell them what they should or should not do simply because you don't believe them!

    I have really cleaned house with people since I found out that people can be toxic to me, and make me sicker than I am.

    I rather have one friend that believes me, than ten I am trying to convince that I can't do this or that anymore.

    I created my own world, stress free as possible, I moved, I got rid of toxic people, I live quietly as possible and refused to be aggreavated by anyone.

    Calm yourself down, and just blow off the ignorance of others.

    Shalom, Shirl

  5. shoshi68

    shoshi68 New Member


    Shirl, you got it exactly right!! I'm thrilled to have found this wonderful place. Weeding out is hard for me, I really don't want to have to do it. But I guess the only person I can change is me... so I'm learning. I am trying to play to my strengths and smile sweetly, thank people for their concern and walk away. But there are days when it just gets to me. So thanks. I am so glad you all are here.

    Shoshi
  6. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Its not easy to do. First you have to keep in mind, if you want to be as well as you can be, you have got to make lifestyle changes.

    I started with moving to the country, replacing my own activities that were just too strenuous now, the things that I loved to do were just too much and caused me more pain, disappointment and misery.

    I learned to keep house in a different way, garden in a more reasonable style, cut back on going out, learned to shop by phone whenever possible, only ride in cars with a pillow for my back, stopped all the babysitting, and then I started on people!

    Thats when I really saw a difference in how I felt. I just don't care about people who don't understand how I feel and how I live now.

    I had to learn to put me first, and thats whats hard when you are a people person, learning to say no is so hard, and yet for us so important.

    We all learn, it just takes time and effort.

    Shalom, Shirl



  7. Kathryn

    Kathryn New Member

    today's Roseburg, Oregon News Review that told of a popular teacher, suffering from fibromyalgia, who recently collapsed & died. They are on line, so perhaps you could print out the article and show it to your family.
    Kate
  8. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    So you have to learn not to stress out over ignorant remarks. This is not easy to do, but if you do not either learn to do it or put some distance between yourself and these people, you will be like a dog chasing its tail.

    You can probably feed these people reams of articles and they will not respond. They are in denial. It is easier for our families to get stuck in denial than for us when we are grieving for our old lives.

    You will have to get a thick skin and not care what others think. Toxic relationships should be given the heave ho. It is up to you to create your own place which is as stress free as possible. It's sometimes lonely in our places but it beats the stress of dealing with people who cannot and will not see.

    Love, Mikie
  9. shoshi68

    shoshi68 New Member

    i'm most succeptible to comments during a flare. thick skins are still permeable... after much thought, i realize that i have been avoiding people who upset me and make me feel worse. i skipped quite a few family gatherings to avoid judgment and skepticism. my dear friends are so important to me, and my huband is kind and loving, my kids are great. My youngest sis is getting married in Dec. asked me to be her matron of honor... i'll have to deal then but for now, i'll take rest. thanks so very much for your input.

    shoshi


    spelling errors...[This Message was Edited on 07/30/2003]