If you are wondering whether or not to tell your boss

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by nanswajo, Mar 19, 2006.

  1. nanswajo

    nanswajo New Member

    Hi all:

    If any of you are at the point where you are wondering whether or not to tell your boss about your diagnosis, I have a personal experience to share with you.

    I had wondered too and did tell my bosses, thinking that they are the kind of people who would be very understanding and helpful--after all I was valuable, it was a small family business and they really liked me. Well, I found out that it was not the best thing for me to do.

    My performance review, subsequent to telling them, was the first negative review I recieved from them in the 5 years on the job and they did not give me a raise for the first time and cited health issues interferring with my ability to do my job. This affected me on a very emotional level and my response was to try and be even better. I knew I was still extremely valuable, but they can be difficult and I had forgotten that about them.

    The upshot of it all is that their continued treatment of me, and I suppose other factors too, led to a breakdown and I was put on an 8 week medical leave to recover from what was diagnosed as psycho-social anxiety disorder--in other words their treatment of me and the pressures of the job.

    Last week I finally - after the 8 weeks of recovery time - gave them a letter of resignation. I knew I could not go back without them picking on me and questioning my every move, and who knows if they would have even taken me back, but I feel so much better now just knowing I am through there.

    In hindsight, it was REALLY not a good idea to tell them about the FM. It resulted in them eagle-eyeing and monitoring my every move and obsessing over my performance.

    Perhaps my experience can help you in making a decision of whether or not to tell. If I had the chance to do it over again, I would definitely not tell. And, I would have left the job earlier before it broke me down.

    N.
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    but you just don't think people will react as some may do...and to top it off they are a small company and they can get away with more...compared to someone working for a large company with family leave acts...

    i worked for dental offices 11 years..the things you think someone couldn't legally do they did...

    i think we need to keep our mouths shut to these people..it truly isn't any of thier business what is wrong with you..if you need a dr's note doctor can simply state in my patient care from a-b...

    so you went to mackinaw island i see...i was born in battle creek, michigan...my ex- was stationed in st. ignace for 6 months we couldn't wait to get out of there...so much snow and so little to do...

    and i had relatives there...my uncle was the magistrate in st. ignace...anyways we did get stationed out here in san francisco area... and here my son and i reside and his father is in san jose...

    it sounds like you need to apply for ssdi/ssi call up and make appt asap...

    good luck

    jodie
  3. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    The exact same thing happened to me. I was there 10 years. It was a seasonal job, so I had the winters off, which was fine because i could collect unemployment and my boss always gave me a huge bonus for Christmas.

    Anyway, last year when I went to go back to work, they had to "talk" to me. They didn't want me to come back unless I was 100%. I told them I had a chronic illness and what part of feeling 100% did they not get. All I got was a stare and, "We can't have you come back if you are going to be unreliable. You have to be 100%." So, I never quit, and wasn't fired, but I couldn't go back. Then I found out that she hired her sister. Hmmmmm!

    I won't tell anyone else I work for or work with. By losing that job, I have lost a lot of other things and one might be my house.

    I busted my butt to run their business for them. The would go on vacation and never worry or even check in. After 10 years I was devastated that we couldn't work something out.

    I sure had to check the signature on your post to make sure I didn't write it in my fibro fogged state.
    Hugs,
    Tigger
  4. mollystwin

    mollystwin New Member

    My boss has been great. I just told her in the fall, but she was not surprised.
    Have you contacted a lawyer about this?
    Dar
  5. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    This is a "right to work" state, and actually they can fire you (large corporation or small company) if they don't like your shirt that day.

    You can bet I NEVER tell even a co-worker I have FMS. Just nobody's business!!
  6. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    I understand that companies can hire or fire at will.

    However, isn't FM considered a disabilty? Aren't there rules in place for disabled persons?

    I'm asking because I don't really know. I work for the fed gov't and one of my friends with FM is considered disabled, but I've not talked about it for myself.

    I'm under FMLA right now on an intermittant basis, or I probably would have been fired last year.

    I know that what both Tigger and nanswajo have suffered, is abusive in my opinion. Businesses don't care.
  7. msmac

    msmac New Member

    the boss/company that says they can't have you if you are not 100%, or the one that says you have not been up to par, GET this in writing, even in e.mail and add it to your disability application..
  8. mjwarchol

    mjwarchol New Member

    Hi N:

    I used to work in healthcare, and whenever I invterviewed for a job I always told them I had fibro. Some people advise against that. I have had only one interview in the last 20 years that I did not get offered the job.

    My thoughts are, I want them to know so I can tell them what type of challenges I may have. This way, if things on the job that I can't do, we both know ahead of time.

    Maybe I have been luckier because I was in the medical filed and they are more familiar with it. But for me it has always worked out better that they knew.

    I'm sorry you had a bad experience telling them. Good luck.

    M J
  9. cmcd1070

    cmcd1070 New Member

    I had to tell my work because I was fine one day (well, I could walk) and the next I couldn't walk. When I was finally released back to work a few days later, it was with very strict restrictions and they needed to know why. My doctor wrote a letter saying I had a severe case of Fibro and that my days of running around up and down flights of stairs fixing computers and carrying 75lb equipment were over, that I needed to have a sedentary position with minimal stress. Even though part of my job was to sit at a desk and resolve computer problems over the phone, they didn't like having that over their heads and really made things miserable for me until i finally left. They broke so many laws it was shocking but who has time to fight them in court? I had to get another job and keep a roof over my head! I'm happy I did because it was the catalyst that got me out of that miserable god-forsaken company. I'm very happy where I am now, I have a great job that is pretty low key and good paying but I can guarantee I won't tell anyone again if I can help it!
  10. lovinlifeinAK

    lovinlifeinAK New Member

    I told and unless I had I would have been fired. Also since I am a contractor, I am even easier to fire. But I had to put it on my application, so if this company no longer needs me, my employer will not put me in a labor position. I would be a safety risk.
  11. nanswajo

    nanswajo New Member

    Hi Everyone:

    Thanks for your replies. Sounds like many of you have had the same experience. The good thing is it got me out of an already abusive job situation--it had been difficult for me (and everyone else) even before I told them. The bad thing is I let it go until I had a breakdown.

    Yes, in New Hampshire where I live you can be fired even if they don't like your perfume, so I have no recourse. But, yes, I could use this for disabilty, I'm sure. Just don't know if I want to go that route. If I can find something else that will work for me, I'd prefer that.

    The hard thing is hiding your bad days, I know. Love and kisses to you all.

    N.
  12. rachel432

    rachel432 New Member

    i have had so many bad experiences with management where i have worked and seen management do such awful things to my co-workers that i would never voluntarily disclose my medical information. i work in the medical field and so often see peoples medical and family situations used against them that i only tell my managers the minimum that i am required. even if i am off of work i make sure my doctor's note only says that i was under his care and that i am fit to return to work at this time. the medical privacy laws in this country are in place for a reason. i would advise anyone to try to keep disclosure of any personal health information to a minimum. it just opens up the possibility for to many bad things.
    rachel
  13. Beckula

    Beckula New Member

    I found out my boss HAS FM--so it was easy to tell him after that. Very unusual though--I didn't tell any other bosses in previous jobs.
  14. onnaroll

    onnaroll New Member

    i cant beleave this is crazy,wheres the compation guess you dont get any! in the work place as well as our doctors it sadens me so much to read this. personally from day one of this illness for me anyway i couldnt think about nothing i was in too much pain. but ive worked hard all my life put in alot of hrs and never in a million yrs did i think i would be someone with chronic pain. fibro at such a young age.nore did i know much about it. I think u should have given them pamplets to read on about chronic pain..lol

    well gl to you all onna
    [This Message was Edited on 03/21/2006]