If you guys got well, would you...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ladybugmandy, Dec 10, 2009.

  1. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    re-establish relationships with people who were not supportive of you while you were ill?

    i don't think i would.
    [This Message was Edited on 12/10/2009]
  2. denis321

    denis321 New Member

    I haven't had anyone treat me badly compared to others on this board while I've had this illness but some people who I would have expected to be more supportive have not been while others whom I knew only peripherally have been wonderful and are now friends.

    I would re-establish those less supportive relationships only for work purposes, i.e. networking. Otherwise I would not.

    Even healthy people have energy/ time limits. I would be spending my allotment deepening my relationships with the people who've supported me and establishing new relationships.

  3. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    No, I wouldn't. I don't even think I'd tell them I got well. There is no point in being around toxic people, and they will still be toxic. It's not healthy to be around people like that.
  4. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    i wouldnt hold any grudges i don't think;) but i know it would never be the same.

    I'd just move on & take what ihave learned from being sick & focus on being in the land of the living again.

    Kat
  5. lisagra

    lisagra New Member

    it depends on the person. in some cases getting sick allowed me to stop seeing or being involved w/ppl who weren't good for me regardless of my health.

    other people have drifted away because of the differences in our lives. this often happens between friends anyway...someone gets married, their relationship w/their single friends changes, you have a child your relationship w/your childless friends changes, you get chronically ill w/ a debilitating disease your relationship with your healthy active friends changes.

    also many healthy ppl do not know how to be friends w/a chronically ill person. they are uncomfortable with the fact that you aren't either getting well or dying. they also become frightened, you were once just like them and now you've become so ill..how did it happen, could it happen to them.

    noone can really understand what it means to be sick like we are sick unless they have experienced it themselves...it's such a strange state of life.

    after all that my inclination would be to reconnect with the folks i lost contact with while i was ill....and see how i felt about them...did i want to be friends with them again...who knows....but i would check it out.


    i made many new friends since i became sick....with healthy people. these new friends were not afraid or initimidated by my illness and have been great support for me and my family....these are the ppl i now truly treasure and respect.

    sorry for the long winded response: in summary, i don't think there is a clear cut and dry answer for your question. try it, if you like it stay with it, if you don't move on : )

    take care, lisa
  6. slammed

    slammed Member

    those who talk their uninformed crap now, or who ignore me now, or who give me a rough time when i'm down (let's not forget the skeptics,too): if i ever get better , they will stay kicked to the curb after i make sure they know it's the New Me who's doing it.

    hope you are doing well, sue.

    nice to see you out and about, my friend.
  7. GigglePoet

    GigglePoet New Member

    gosh what a good question..I to have not had the horrible experiences others have had but not the support or connection I have needed. It is hard to say as these have been inlaws. Lets just say they haven't been the type of family I have hoped for or needed. It is hard for me to want to spend time with people like that. I am interested only in honest giving relationships..I will say...sure would like to be in the position in which to carry out this possibility. It has been years since doing holiday's with them or seeing them much and you would hope they would say..we miss you, we are concerned about you what can we do to help..but not here.
  8. GigglePoet

    GigglePoet New Member

    gosh what a good question..I to have not had the horrible experiences others have had but not the support or connection I have needed. It is hard to say as these have been inlaws. Lets just say they haven't been the type of family I have hoped for or needed. It is hard for me to want to spend time with people like that. I am interested only in honest giving relationships..I will say...sure would like to be in the position in which to carry out this possibility. It has been years since doing holiday's with them or seeing them much and you would hope they would say..we miss you, we are concerned about you what can we do to help..but not here.
  9. SnooZQ

    SnooZQ New Member

    I've not lived a perfect life, that's for sure. But I've been helped along the way by others who have been willing to forgive my errors, and as a result, I believe that a forgiving attitude makes life work more smoothly.

    I think hanging onto bitterness or resentment is not good for one's health.

    Now I'm not talking about being a doormat. In the context given, I've gotten well ... maybe I wouldn't be the one to make the first move, however if the nonsupporters made contact, I'd give re-establishing the relationship a shot.

    Once you're better, you'll have even more patience & energy to educate the naysers and nonsupporters, about these DD.

    I'm thinking of friends, acquaintances, relatives who've been dismissive and/or nonbelieving. Thankfully I haven't suffered some of the extremes I've read about on the board, abusive situations. If it were a case of an abusive ex-spouse ... well, that would be a little different. I don't think I'd want to resurrect the whole relationship in that case, but if the other party were willing, perhaps a civil truce could be called.

    Whether these relationships can truly be re-established does depend on the offenders being willing to try, as well. It's not going to happen in every case.

    Best wishes.

  10. bobbycat

    bobbycat New Member

    I have changed due to my illness it has taught me so much. It has taught me to be humble, it has taught me that material things are not what is important in this lifetime, it has taught me that some people do not get the meaning of life and they will continue living the way they have been never understanding or seeing any other light but the one they live in. They will never change. I have changed I will not carry the hate nor can I carry them as we are not the same we do not believe in the same things anymore. We do not live in the same world anymore. I look at life differently and I always will now as I know, what is more important. I know what to treasure, I know what is important. I would treasure the fact that I could walk on the beach. Smelling the salt water, hearing the sound of the waves slapping against the shore feeling the mist upon my face. I would treasure being able to hike in the mountains all the time feeling no pain and no fatigue. I would walk among the flowers and smelll the freshness and seeing the beauty. I would go play some golf and maybe take some lessons. I would play with my grandchildren. I would take a long walk in the woods and feel the warmth as the sun streams through the trees. Alot of these things my former freinds would not think of doing and would not understand why it would be something that I would treasure. Because they can walk and move without pain and fatigue. They don't understand me and I can't expect them to they can't possibly understand as they do not walk in my shoes. We are not alike anymore, we are not the same and we will never be as they can never understand the extent of what it is like to live this way. So I do not hate them it is just I have changed. I believe we are here on this earth to learn lessons and indeed there are lessons I have learned from this. What was important no longer is and what should be important has become that way. Like I say without your health well we all have a answer to that question don't we? We do find a hidden strength that we all did not think we had and sometimes I think we want to break and sometimes we think we will but all and all we keep fighting hoping for that break through that will enable us to do all those things that we want to do and that of what we used to do. With hope on our side. Maybe some day. So the answer to your question is only the people that I feel think the way that I do and look at life the way that I do will be the ones that will continue to follow lifes path that I will. Merry Christmas and heres to a hopeful New Year.