Ignorant people

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chris3251, Dec 7, 2006.

  1. Chris3251

    Chris3251 New Member

    Between all my previous medical problems, my FM/CFS diagnosis, and the financial toll all of these issues have caused, I have done nothing but beat myself up. On my down days I feel like I could have done something to prevent the fact I'm about to lose the only home my daughter has ever known. I try to deal with the guilt, not being able to do things I used to, my daughters having to worry and do so many things for me, you name it - the list could go on for days as I'm sure many of you can relate.

    As if I can't beat myself up enough, I have to worry about other people who can't begin to understand what I'm dealing with and they are SO ignorant in the comments they make!! My youngest daughter goes to a charter school which isn't a private school, but its not considered a public school either. It's MUCH smaller and I've always liked it because the teacher / student ratio is much more manageable. One of her teachers has a serious complex and I've never really cared for his obnoxious ways but this time he overstepped his boundries. He made a comment to 3 of his students (my daughter included) that it was obvious their parents weren't raising their kids right which is why he's there - to do their parents jobs. I can't begin to explain how this made me feel. As if Im not putting enough pressure on myself, it's one thing when people assume I'm lazy because of this chronic pain and fatigue, but someone who doesn't really even know me is going to pass such negative judgment toward my parenting skills?? I am just floored.

    I called the school and of course the superintendent was quick to say that the comment could have been exaggerated or that it probably wasn't what he meant. Not the case when more than 1 student complained and if it isn't what he meant then its still in his lap because he communicated poorly. I believe he said it the way it was explained to me. My daughter is an excellent student and she's not a liar. I told the superintendent that nobody should ever make such a comment about someone they don't know, especially when he doesnt know details of the family / personal situation and how dare he make such a comment without knowing me personally. And even if he did who is he to bring these kids down - as if my daughter isn't already worrying enough?? She shouldn't have to be put in a position to have to stick up for me.

    He's going to have the teacher call me today so I need to calm down in order to not just go off like a fool. And he had BETTER be armed with a BIG apology! I guarantee this guy couldn't walk in my footsteps for even a day, heck there's days I can't even do it! Why on earth do people have to be so darned ignorant??
  2. mindbender

    mindbender New Member

    but this web site doesn't have enough space.

    all I can say is "I'm with you"

    Dan
  3. barbarak

    barbarak New Member

    There has to be some one over the super. go to them. school board etc. newspapers, don't let this man get by with this we have enough ignorance to deal with without a teacher who thinks he knows it all.
  4. krchamp

    krchamp New Member

    to let his jerk know that he is an idiot. If you don't get the apology I would definately go above the supers head. That is unexcusable. We deal with enough! We should have to deal with uneducated ignorant people. Good luck...I am behind you all the way.

    Kristi
  5. naturebaby

    naturebaby New Member

    Yeesh, there are some ignorant people out there who like to play the "I'm so superior" role in order to make themselves feel better. I agree the teacher was way out of line!!!

    It's particularly bad when it's in a charter school, which presumably you pay for. I'm glad you've notified the superintendent, even if you don't feel he's taking it seriously.

    I'm so sorry for all of the pressure and changes you are facing. It must feel like the whole world is scheming to bring you down, and I sure identify with that feeling. One thing I've learned is to choose my battles. I frame things in the context of "will this matter a year from now?" If the answer is no, then I try my best to let it go. Stress is so exhausting and I have to bank my energy (physical and emotional) wisely, since I have so little.

    Perhaps they might consider letting you come into the school to give a presentation on "invisible disabilities" like fibro/CFS to the entire student body so that something good comes from this.

    I totally understand why you are upset, and am sending thoughts of peace, serenity and healing for you today.....

    Wishing you well, nature

    PS: Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job raising your daughter, she sounds like a smart and compassionate person. Don't forget that "home" is where the heart is, not in the walls and floors....YOU are her home, and that will never change. Hang in there!
  6. Chris3251

    Chris3251 New Member

    I'm still waiting for a phone call, he can either call and deal with me on the phone or I can drive over there and he can deal with me in person which I don't recommend.

    Mindbender - Looks like we're neighbors. I'm in Columbus. And trust me I could have ranted forever, but I'm sure I would have run out of space. Thanks for understanding.

    Snog - Yes, exactly. You're down, trying to salvage ANYTHING and someone takes a kick at ya. I'll get through it all, its just hard to do when other people are taking jabs. Thanks for caring.

    barbarak - Not to worry, this isn't gonna get swept under the carpet. I'm not that type. This isn't something the public school system can get involved in; however, I do have other alternatives at my disposal, and thank you for providing a couple others.

    krchamp - Ditto to what I said to barbarak. If he's smart he'll apologize but knowing his type he'll avoid that because it will admit being wrong and that's not his style. Thanks for being so supportive.

    naturebaby - Your response about brought tears to my eyes, but that's ok because you're right, especially in your PS. I've told my daughter in the past that as she gets older she'll learn to pick her battles. If it were just insulting me, that's bad enough but you don't insult my daughter and put her in a bad position. She's a great person, never in trouble and wise beyond her years. I know I need to avoid stress but this situation stressed me big time and at the risk of sounding bullheaded and I can't let it just slip by w/o saying my peace. I like your idea about doing a presentation at the school, I just might look into that -but it seems the teachers there need it more than the students. Thank you for putting things in perspective, I think it'll help me on my down days.
  7. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    I understand how you are feeling right now. I remember getting a phone call from a friend who told me that the dentist I had worked for, for many years and who had become a good friend to my entire family was saying horrible things about me.

    She had been in another exam room and heard him talking about what a hypochondriac I was, how lazy I was and if there were anything wrong with me it was mental illness because he knew fibromyalgia did not exist. I was outraged. Then I cried.

    When I settled down a bit (a few days later) I knew I needed to find out, from the source if this was true. I called his office and he refused to speak to me. So I asked his wife/receptionist if it were true that he felt that fibro was a "made up syndrome," and those who have it were either lazy or mentally ill," and she told me he did.

    I then told her I needed all my records, as well as my children and husband's, transferred to another dentist. I said that if he doubted my sanity or integrity in anyway I did not need him as part of my health care team.

    Then I sat down and wrote a long letter to him, telling him how he had hurt me and everything that poured out of me at the time. I did not censor or omit one thought. Then I put the letter in a drawer and waited to see if I still felt like mailing it a month later.

    I never mailed the letter because writing it helped me get the rage out. I have not seen the man since and I believe it is because I prayed and asked God to place a barrier between us. Yes, I was that angry.

    I know you cannot do this as this man is your daughter's teacher. But perhaps you could sit down and write out some things you want to say to him when he calls you. There may be questions you want to ask, as well as points you want to make when he calls which may escape you while speaking with him.

    He would not be allowed to make such a comment to a student because their parent is a different race or religion and this is just another type of descrimination. He has no right to judge you and decide you are not doing your job when he does not even know you. Comments like this can stick with a child for life.

    But if you can, as calmly as you can, try to write down what you want to say to him and then let him feel like the foolish one. Because that is exactly what this is. You have to deal with pain and suffering everyday. But his ignorance can be helped if he will just learn to be quiet, listen and learn. I wish you the best of luck and that you show him fibro does not make us unable to defend ourselves.
  8. Gothbubbles

    Gothbubbles New Member

    people who act like that have no suffered illness or they wouldn't be so quick to judge.

    Maybe someday when he gets sick (statistics say his chances are high!) he'll understand and repent!

    My hope is you can talk to him and educate him about his ignorance, and he wouldn't have to suffer like we do. GOOD LUCK!

    CFS 6 1/2 years --- 25 years old
  9. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    In your post you mentioned that you are losing your house. Is this a house you have been buying or renting. If you are behind in your house payments you might be able to set up special arrangmetns with certified housing counselor. Do you have a Community Action Partnership (or Agency) in your area? Many of them have housing specialists that can help you.
  10. petesdragon

    petesdragon New Member

    I asked to arrange a meeting between my daughters teacher and I when she was in junior high school. When I arrived the teacher and superintendant were there. I was quiet for a minute or two while I gathered my thoughts. They immediately started back-paddling about several situations in which my daughter was involved, none that were serious and none that were my daughters fault but they apologized anyway. You should have seen the look on their face when I told them I was there to discuss varying the type of test they gave because my daughter freezes on multiple choice questions and that was the only kind of test that teacher was doing.

    Also, when I was teaching, I found the principal was on my side through all the discussions with parents but when the parents left he gave me hell if I deserved it. Maybe the superintendant has given this teacher hell and you will never know about it.
  11. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    Neighbors, up front- "you probably won't see me involved much in person at functions- I have a debilitating illness. I won't be voluntering for committees, etc", and that has helped their judgements. Like with the Boy Scouts, I don't have to explain why I am not on the camping trips or hikes or make excuses over & over.

    And for the most part, the teacher was just ignorant. Ignorant of your condition, your struggles, etc. How could he know? It is not written on your forehead. He was insensitive in his remarks, but there are lots of jerks in this world. We can't fight them all. I'm sure he is not a total, unfeeling, hateful person. Just someone who spoke without thinking, and I'm sure we have all been guilty of that at one time.

    Educate him nicely about this DD, and help him see that we do need the help and support of those around us to make it. It makes the walk easier.

    Yours in health,
    Bunny
  12. Chris3251

    Chris3251 New Member

    The superintendent made him call. A friend of mine as well as someone here gave me good advice - pick and choose my battles, especially to avoid worsening my symptoms. That's not to say I didn't give my 2 cents. He tried to deny it, but as I pointed out, my daughter doesn't exaggerate, nor do the other kids who heard the remark. I simply said I didn't believe him and he needs to think before sticking his foot in his mouth and in the end he did apologize. I'd still love to know why people can be so ignorant but if I figure it out then I'll be as ignorant as they are.

    As for the housing situation, it's beyond hope. I used to work in the mortgage industry, so I've already sat down trying to see if any of the options would work for me. Even if they could do a work-out plan, my medical bills and prescriptions are so expensive (even WITH insurance) that I can't afford the payment regardless. I just need ALOT of prayers that the house will sell before the auction date, or that the mort. co. will postpone the sheriff's auction.

    Regardless, I think its all one big sign that moving back to IL is what needs to happen. I'll have all the support there, and life won't be nearly as crazy, trying to keep up with city living as opposed to small town comfort. Plus the cost of living is MUCH cheaper. I just hope I can find a job there that will pay the bills and rent. I'll be staying with my sister until I get on my feet. Plus the school there is way better. Not nearly the issues with ignorant teachers, gang fights, drugs, etc. Even my daughter is anxious to move back. She has a b/f here, but she wants to be with family so she can get to know extended family she hasn't seen in ages plus she wants to watch my grand-niece grow up. Mackenzie doesn't take to too many people but she absolutey adores my daughter and vice versa.

    Thanks again everyone for listening and your wise words. I think if I had just totally gone off the deep end over this I would have only been hurting myself in the long run.
  13. Kryssie

    Kryssie New Member

    That wasnt only ignorant it was arrogant. Some ppl have gall I tell ya!

    *mumble*

    Dont take it out on yourself.. Im sure you are a wonderful mother, if you weren't this wouldnt have bothered you like it did.

    Gentle hugs
  14. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Chris:

    It will all work out. Just do not give up an anything.

    nyrofan
  15. ladude

    ladude New Member

    that was horrible-------beyond the bounds of his duty as a teacher....he has a lot to learn...perhaps you should not bother talking to people like that, they know full well what they are doing. it was mean, nasty and wrong!

    Better to let an attorney talk for you, somehow they know the right words to use that make people understand...and it saves you from putting yourself through more unneeded stress and you could make it worse for yourself and your daughter. just a thought.

    LAdude