ILLOGICAL LOGIC - some laughs, read & increase your endorphins!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by victoria, Oct 8, 2005.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Some Thoughts...

    One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds...

    Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

    I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pants on fire.

    Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.

    -----------
    "We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads."

    So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold anymore so it started filling up the rest of me!

    (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
    ---------------
    Some More 'Word Challenged' (real) headlines:

    EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

    PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

    KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS

    STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE

    LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS

    QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED

    DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON

    MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

    MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER

    DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

    JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

    COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY

    PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

    POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

    12 ON THEIR WAY TO CRUISE AMONG DEAD IN PLANE CRASH

    KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS

    SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

    2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER

    MAN EATING PIRANHA MISTAKENLY SOLD AS PET FISH

    ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

    QUARTER OF A MILLION CHINESE LIVE ON WATER

    INCLUDE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN BAKING COOKIES

    OLD SCHOOL PILLARS ARE REPLACED BY ALUMNI

    GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE

    HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS

    LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS

    TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES

    ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX

    LACK OF BRAINS HINDERS RESEARCH

    RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE

    SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

    IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

    HERSHEY BARS PROTEST

    ----------

    (this last one sounds a bit too close to home, methinks!)

    At an international conference, an American, a Brit, and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses.

    The American doctor said sadly, "I can't stand it sometimes. We treat people for cancer, and then they die of AIDS".

    "I know what you mean," sympathized the Brit. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die".

    "None of that is a problem in OUR country" said the Russian doctor pompously. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *THAT* disease."

    ---

    LOL
    Victoria
    :)
  2. jbennett2

    jbennett2 New Member

    Keep em coming. I always know someone to forward these to.
  3. onedaymagpie

    onedaymagpie New Member

    for the laughs! Too funny . . . Maggy