I'm a Bad Mom

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Aug 24, 2009.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I'm 42 and I've been thinking about my children ages 18 and 14. About 20 years ago, I was admitted to mental health for a week. Then, 19 years ago, I was admitted to mental health again for a week. Two years ago, I had yet another week's admission.

    My kids have known me to go to therapy and see psychiatrists their whole life. They have seen me manic and depressive, but mostly depressive.

    They have witnessed me become almost disabled with this illness.

    They have seen me lose everything because of medical bills.

    I look back and I wonder if my kids think I'm just plain crazy.

    Maybe I should have allowed my psychiatrist 20 years ago to have me permanently admitted. Maybe I would have spared my children the heartache.
  2. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I think you can look at this in a slightly different way.

    You may also be providing your kids an opportunity as a role model for having tolerance and compassion for people with mental health problems. Even our disability and that sometimes things happen in our life that are out of our contol. Let them know you are being proactive for getting help.

    Don't try to hide these subjects from your kids but also don't go overboard. Counseling for yourself, possibly yourself and your children might really help.

    If they are teenagers, it probably won't stick. But persevere. My daughters have now reconciled themselves with this DD. But it did not happen overnight. My depression was easier to accept as they saw me get much better. Even if it does not work, you can't say your didn't try.

    It took me until I was forty, to realized that my mother did the best she was able when she was depressed. This was before ADs were available and therapy was frowned upon.

    Take care.


    ETA This is much easier said than done.

    [This Message was Edited on 08/24/2009]
  3. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I feel the same way. I know my dds have effected my kids, and they have indeed inherited some of my bad genes. I often think I should leave them and my husband so that they could have a better life.

    I'm such a negative entity in every way imaginable, nobody needs to be exposed to that. I have never managed to get well except for short periods of time, usually the meds stop working and I crash back into the pit of pain and depr.

    I don't know what to do, my kids are 14 and 17 w lots of problems of their own. I am just making them worse. Being that I can't support myself, I would have to rely on my sisters to take me in. They don't deserve to be stuck w me either, but they always tell me they'd do anything for me.

    What should we do? I don't know. I can't ever seem to help myself. I totally understand how you feel tho. No light at the end of my tunnel right now.

    xo xo Hermit
  4. whywyoming

    whywyoming New Member

    yesterday i managed to make both of my children cry within one hour. I was feeling sick and tired and sick and tired of being sick and tired and I took it out on them. I spent the day feeling like a complete ruin. Then I picked them up at school and I hugged them and I told them I was sorry. Will it happen again? Probably. Does it mean I'm a bad mom? Probably not. We're human; we have human failings. Sometimes what we lack seems so very obvious to us while what we have to offer the world is all too often something we don't value enough. What are you teaching your children? How about perserverance in the face of adversity; how about coping skills for when life isn't exactly throwing rose petals at your feet?
    Seems to me the hardest part of this illness is drawing the line between being honest about the true impact it has on our lives, and getting stuck on the pity pot. Yesterday the pity pot won, today I'm fighting my way off of it. Ultimately I have to believe that everything serves a purpose, even dealing with chronic pain and depression. I hope you can find meaning in your own experiences.
    And you never know, maybe now your kids think your crazy (most kids do think their parents are crazy when they are teens), but long term they may come to understand the immense courage and determination it takes to face the world everyday when you are in pain and the darkness has its grip on you. And that "lesson" may just be exactly what they need in their own lives at that moment.
    Keep your chin up.
    why wyoming

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