im a drug addict

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by victory, Dec 6, 2002.

  1. victory

    victory New Member

    I have bi-polar, impulse control and serious agression issues. Not to mention the depression. I got a hold of a doc that really seemed to help- but things quit working and I start to feel real bad again. I seek out street drugs to make myself feel better. Doesnt ever work just puts me in the poor house. When my meds work I feel great- dont want to have anything to do with drugs. But when they aren't working........... I feel like such a piece of shit- I wish I felt like I did a couple of weeks ago.........................
  2. victory

    victory New Member

    I have bi-polar, impulse control and serious agression issues. Not to mention the depression. I got a hold of a doc that really seemed to help- but things quit working and I start to feel real bad again. I seek out street drugs to make myself feel better. Doesnt ever work just puts me in the poor house. When my meds work I feel great- dont want to have anything to do with drugs. But when they aren't working........... I feel like such a piece of shit- I wish I felt like I did a couple of weeks ago.........................
  3. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hello Victory~~Research has shown that one of the biggest reasons people with chronic illnesses "drug seek" is because they are under-medicated. Are you an actual drug addict or are you just trying to find adequate relief from your illness? There is a difference.

    If you are just seeking drugs for a high or a rush, I would encourage you to get treatment. There is also an addiction board here on this site. If you are seeking drugs to find relief from your illness, then I would suggest you talk to your doctor or find another doctor who will find the right medications and proper dosages to help you maintain.

    As a therapist, I have seen many people affected by bi-polar disorder that sought out drugs to relieve their illness. And this is not a true drug addict. Once I had them on adequate doses of proper medications--they no longer sought out drugs, and the quality of their life improved immensely. However, you have to find a therapist and/or physician is knowledgeable in this area, and one that is willing to help you--but you have to be honest about what you are doing in order for them to develop a good medical protocol for you.

    Are you seeking drugs to get high--or are you just trying to find ways to medicate your illness? Carol....
  4. allhart

    allhart New Member

    i agree with catgal there is a big diffrence ,if you have meds your grate you dont seek out more and more drugs to get that high feeling your just trying to get relife from your dd when the meds arent working talk to your dr,dont feel bad from what ive read alot of people turn to street drugs to relive there pain when not getting proper treatment,
  5. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    read and learn and get support and love and empathy from us as we all understand what you're saying! My prayers are for you to have relief in a safe, nondestructive way!
    Welcome to the board!!!!
    Kady
  6. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    Victory, I spent my 20's and my 30's drinking too much, I was also as healthy as a horse, go figure. I could drink 6 glasses (big ones too) of wine every night if I wanted, smoke cigarettes non stop from 5 (after work with the wine) until 9:30-10, bedtime, go to bed, get up at 4:45 and run 5 miles every single day, top sales person at work and do huge amounts of community service, I did occasionally take a vicoden if I had the oppty, loved it when I had dental work, would stock up on the vicoden and love that. I am so different now, I don't drink, occasionally have 1 glass of wine, usually regret it and I take usually 1 hydrocodone per day, I never feel that "high" since I do have serious pain, it is different. I never take more than I should, I do wish I could take it 3 x a day and just a little stronger, I have 7.5/500 and it does not quite cut the pain, it is what my doc is willing to do at this point, I am fairly new to this dd and maybe he is testing me, I dunno but I do love him and I am concerned also about the long term use as I took librium during all the years I was partying but I take it very seriously at 41 yo and I don't feel guilty about it, that is one thing I do not feel guilty over! I wish you luck, have faith in yourself and if you truly have this dd you need to accept that the only way a lot of us feel relief is to medicate, I hate it too but I don't know how else to survive.

    Jaci
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I'm afraid you may have the wrong forum here. The Depression Board is right next to the CFS/FMS Board. Do you have CFS or FMS? If not, you may want to try the Depression Board.

    Love, Mikie
  8. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hello Victory~~It's me again, catgal. I've been thinking about your situation since I read your post. It's takes alot of courage to make such a bold statement as you did about being an addict, but again--I wonder if you are a true drug seeker just looking to get high--or if you are just trying to medicate your disorder.

    In my practice as a therapist, I see many patients with bi-polar disorder, and untreated it can cause all manner of problems. The action of bi-polar or manic/depressive illness can bounce your around emotionally like a rubber ball and disturb normal brain functioning. The manic-highs can make you feel like you can leap tall buildings, go without sleep, and forget to eat. Then, the depressive side of the coin can plunge you into such darkness that many people become suicidal.

    I am concerned about your well being and believe it is essential that you receive proper treatment for your disorder. Bi-polar Disorder is not a psychological or mental disorder although it feels like one. It is a "physical" disorder caused by a physical imbalance in the chemicals to the brain. And messing around with street drugs to medicate it is like playing Russian Roulette.

    PLEASE, find you a physician who is knowledgeable about bi-polar disorder and get appropriate treatment. There is no known cure for bi-polar disorder, but the right medications can help you lead a normal life.

    There are both boards on this site for depression and addiction, but if you are more comfortable on this board--please keep coming back. We are here for you. Take care, Carol....
  9. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    Hi, Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are still thinking like
    all the little voices you heard growing up and living in this society. My best friend is Bipolar and so long as she stays on the right
    dose of her medication she feels better emotionally by far.

    This may be a terribly over simplification of what is going on with our pain medication but it helped me to understand it. First there is a huge difference between
    dependence and addiction. But..I was
    told this way...we have two receptors
    for pain type medication...one is for
    the person who has no pain but wants
    a "high", in which case the pain medication is taken by that receptor, goes to the "high" area of the brain and that person gets a "buzz".

    Receptor number 2 is for true pain. When you take the medication for pain, the receptor takes the medication to the area of the brain that deals with pain. Thus no "buzz" (exception would be maybe the first couple of weeks as your body adjusts to the medication).

    The secret is to take the proper amount of medication to control your
    pain, not too little (which MIGHT
    set off a desire to get "high" to
    stop the pain) and not too much (since the excess might trigger the
    "high" from feeling too tired or too
    medicated for functioning purpose).

    Write a daily journal of your pain for at least a week, doesn't have to
    be detailed, just say "Morning, Noon,
    Afternoon, Evening and Night", the
    date. Stop and really "think" about
    how you are feeling physically at the various times of day. Write down your
    pain level from 1 to 10 at that time
    and how the pain is effecting your life and ability to function...and how it's effecting your mental outlook. Take the journal to your doctor when you see him/her. From this they may be able to adjust your pain meds.

    The same applies to your Bipolar days. A separate journal if necessary. Take that journal to you Psychiatrist so that any med adjustments may be made if needed.

    I medicated my pain for several years while the doctors fooled around with
    tests and trying to convince me it was all in my head or due to depression. Sometimes it was alcohol
    and sometimes it was food, but it was still self medication to stop my or ease pain. Since I found my Pain Specialist and we have developed
    a reasonably good regime of medications and other parts of a program like stretching exercises,
    meditation, warm water, heat and ice
    packs etc.~~ I never ever seek out
    alcohol or anything else to treat my
    pain. Hang in there, follow your doctors advice and tell them every
    thing you are feeling and thinking.
    Be honest, up front and insistant about getting the medications you need for both of your health problems. Good luck and God Bless!
    I hope this will help. Love, Bambi
  10. SLS

    SLS New Member

    To Victory (and whoever else is interested) ~ There is an author named Kay Jamison who is a renowned author on the subject of bipolar disorder; a psychiatrist herself; and professor of psychiatry at John Hopkins University.

    She wrote: "Touched with FIre: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament" back around 1990. (That is a good book, too.) The book I'm speaking of, though, is "An Unquiet Mind" -- which came out in 1995. In it she "outs" herself as having battled being bipolar disorder since the age of 17.

    It is a fascinating read and a great inspiration of what is possible, despite our disabilities. Best of luck to you and all!! (I know this is getting off the subject of CF etc. -- but I'm just following the thread!)

    Take Care -- SLS
  11. BonBons

    BonBons New Member

    I am an avid proponent of Kay Jameson's brilliant books - there is also a fiction book called "How it all Started" which is amazing. I am not bi-polar but 2 people very close to me are. The Ph.D. who interviewed me for SSD had never even HEARD of Dr. Kay Jameson. It's criminal to let ignorant people handle mental or physical illness. And I don't just blame the Ph.D., I blame the licensing board and her educational "institution". Kudos for honesty, Victory.
    BonBons