I'm back but miserable

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by angeljoe, Apr 2, 2006.

  1. angeljoe

    angeljoe New Member

    I missed you guys so much for the past few weeks. I needed to take a break from the internet because my world was falling a part at home.

    My sweet daughter was sooooo sick for a while there. She is now running around like crazy absorbing sunshine and everything else. She has been able to play outside over the weekend for the first time in several months. I thank God my baby doll is doing better.

    I was so afraid of losing my little girl to the E coli infections she had in her kidney, bladder, bowels and colon that time stopped for me. Worrying threw me into the most horrific flare I could ever imagine. I wasn't sure I wanted to live or not for a while there. I am still in a whole lot of pain but my baby being better makes me joyful to live.

    My marriage has been in trouble for a while now, and I have almost given up on it ever working. My huband is addicted to gambling online and he spends 8-12 hours a day online. My children and I have suffered financially because of his addiction. I honestly believe that if I got divorced my life would be more happy and peaceful. I am up against a wall and don't know what to do.

    Well, I didn't mean to go into my whole life story with you guys but I think I needed to vent and this was the only resource I had to get it off my chest.

    I feel so blessed to have you GREAT people as friends and supporters. God bless you all and thanks for reading my boring book and any advice you may have.
    Mourning my marriage,
  2. jakeg

    jakeg New Member

    Glad to hear that your daughter is doing better, and hope that as she gets better you do to. I don't know what to say about the gambling though.

    Have you spoken to him about it or suggested that he may need to talk to someone or join gamblers anonymous? Have you thought of some type of counceling for both of you?

    Did the gambling start after your dx? and if so maybe this is his way of dealing with it, although not the best way.

  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    is all of your family in atlanta? are you close to them? maybew ;you could move back there w/family and get some help...then file divorce if that is what you decide..

    sorry you have to deal with all of this...i have done the same..just alittle different situation..different addiction for my ex..booze and women...bipolar and no help or medication for him

  4. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    So glad to hear that you're daughter is doing better. It must have been a terrible time for you. My son is a bad asthmatic & we have been through some very scary & rough times with him.
    Really hope that you are able to sort things out with your husband. Have you discussed councelling?? Sounds like he really needs help.
    ~*Gentle Hugs*~
  5. angeljoe

    angeljoe New Member

    but our therapist thought I needed to sort a lot of childhood and early adult issues first. I continued to see her for quite a while, but my marriage was on the back burner with her.

    My husband has put our children in bad situations because of his addiction. Many times I came home early from work and my children 9 and 2 were playing alone outside. Our street is a cul de sac but my son was responsible for my daughter. We have a large pond right across the street, and this has always been my worst fear.

    I thought that was better since I've been home now for eight months on temporary disability from work. Just past friday my neighbor took me to do an errand and we ended turning around and coming back home, and guess what? My Son now 10 was watching her play on the street while he was online gambling.

    I am so disappointed that my husband isn't more responsible with our kids. I do believe this addiction is an outlet for dealing with a young sick wife. He compares me to the old Angela that played baseball, kickball and soccor with all of the neighborhood kids. I was the Mom that was most energetic and fun for my kids and everyone else's kids too.

    My life is so opposite now that this DD has taken over. To my regret I can't run and play with my children like before. I was some kind of clean freak monster that could handle every situation. I was a very spontaneous person that wanted to please everybody.

    Well as we all know Fibromyalgia and CFS takes its toll and eventually we aren't whole any longer. It takes so much more than our health.

    My husband doen't see there is a problem with his gambling. He don't think anything is wrong with him plating his dinner and running upstairs to play poker. He don't see that the three of us are sitting at the table as a family.

    I have dealt with this problem longer than I mentally can. I'm exhausted and frustrated with his behavior. He not only gambles online, but unfortunately we have a small casino close by. He will promise I'll only stay about three hours. After 8 - 10 hours and 200 hunderd dollars later he'll walk in with no remorse.

    Friday afternoon he got off work and decided he would go to the casino. We had planned dinner plans at 7 with some friends of ours, but he didn't make it home until 10. So from three to ten PM he gambled. He turned off his phone and spent our mortage money.

    I told him I was really at a breaking point where I felt he was dragging us (our family) down with him. I feel like we are drowning here. My kids and I miss him so much.

    He has online friends (never met) that he chats and plays poker with all night long. I'm sorry this is so long. I appreciate you reading this far. I just have NO ONE to help me understand why my husband is destroying us.

    You guys are great for supporting me through this time in my life. I am at my wits end and I throw myself at your mercy for advice to help me handle my ending marriage. I wasn't ready for me to pick up and start over again.

    I thank God for your friendship and advice. This board is truely a miracle for most of us. Thank you to every one that read and/or replied.
    God bless,
  6. pemaw54

    pemaw54 New Member

    My prayers are with you. Im so thankful your baby girl is doing better. I dont know what to tell you about your husband and the gambling. My husband started smoking cigars again after having quit smoking for over 20 yrs. My kids say its because he has alot on him including me being sick, His mothers alhiezmers,and his dad just had colon cancer surgery. Good luck

  7. mlp1954

    mlp1954 New Member

    Angela I am so sorry you are going thru this. I am glad your daughter is ok. Your picture on the posting is beautiful, what sweet children. Don't let anything happen to them, I would not leave him in charge of them at any time. Too many things can happen. You are young and beautiful and you need to be happy, you have enough to deal with with this DD. Do what you have to for your own sanity and for the love of your children. Good luck. Hugs. Pattie
  8. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    So happy your daughter is doing better.But I am truly sorry about your husband& you.Gambling as been the ruin of many families.It sneaks up and grabs ahold so tight.
    I know it may sound trivial.But my husband was addicted to bingo.This was when our children were wee ones.He would take our last dollar and play.Every night!!
    It was hard,but eventually he got out of it.Because of his fathers death.He was spending what ever time he could at the hospital with him.And this broke his bingo habit!
    He now looks back at what he had done.Me,thats water under the bridge.Gone,so I leave it there.
    I really hope things get better for you all!!
    You are in my prayers.
  9. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Glad that your daughter is OK now. Sorry avout the addiction. Is there a group near you for familiies of addicts? Gamblers AA?

    It is supposed to be illegal on line.

    Anne C
  10. KyLady

    KyLady New Member

    Sorry to hear of your other problems. I have never delt with a gambling problem so I can't really advise.

    The best thing is to try to talk to him and let him know the severity of this problem and the concequnces if it continues.

    Sometimes a shock to the person doing this kind of thing will work, sometimes not.

    I've been meaning to talk to you about us getting together but wanted to wait until your daughter was better. Does Wednesday look good for you? Tomorrow I volunteer at my granddaughter's school and Thursday my mother in law needs to do some shopping and I plan on taking her.

    Where is the closest McDonald's, with a play area, to you. Your daughter can play while we talk and get to know each other. I baby sit a little boy on Wed. afternoon and evening I will be able to pick him up after we meet so his mom don't have to drive him over to my house.

    Let me know, I would love to meet you. Sounds like you need a friend to listen while you talk. Hope we can work this out.

  11. angeljoe

    angeljoe New Member

    Thank you all for your kind replies. Just knowing I have a place to go for support means a great deal to me. I have lost many of my close friends due to this DD. I first started shutting them out because I was embarassed of how much I'd physically changed. Then when I reached out for help it was almost too late. When I couldn't keep up with our spontanious friendships I lost a few more..

    In short, I thank God I do have a place to express myself. To answer some of your questions now. I know we do have help for an addiction of gambling. I called them even before it was a big problem. I saw it grow from just goofing around with their (Internet sites) play money. Then his money transfers started getting larger and larger.

    My husband nor I have any family here in Indiana. So we are isolated in a sense from our families. Most of our familes live in Atlanta. I do have family in Central Kentucky, but still its almost 4 hours away. I have a very close relationship with my parents, but haven't mentioned this to them because they think so highly of him.

    My Mom-in-law would choke him if she knew how addicted he really is. He is open with his parents when he wins, but never mentions when he losses $1100. at a time. His Mom and I are super close, so I thought of telling her. Of course she is his Mother and that could blow up in my face.

    I did call an attorney this morning. I get free legal services with my job, So nothing is lost by it regardless what I choose. Our house is only in my name, but the advise to take financial control is more of the reason I call the lawyer. I refuse to let him sink this ship. My children have only known our house as a home. They both have tons of friends on our street, and I'm not going let them lose anything. I have thought of closing a CD account I've had for a long time. I could pay a larger down payment and refinance my house for a lower mortage.
    That is my way of knowing I could afford our house alone. (Just in case)

    KYlady, actually on Wednesday I'll have a lot of family in town for my daughter's birthday. We are doing the Chuck E cheese thing Wednesday night. On Thursday morning I will be having outpatient surgery for the second time on a work injury. I tore the ligimemt away from my elbow. I had surgery in Jan 05 but now I have a large amount of scare tissue and some nerve damage they must repair.

    I would love to meet with you next week though. This surgery is far less extensive than the first so I should be ok to drive by next Thursday. Please let me know a couple days ahead of time when you can meet. It would be great to talk face to face with a friend from this site.

    I'm not even sure where the closest play room McDonalds is, but There is a regular one on Mount Pleasant Road. That is basically the street I live off of. I could meet you closer to Henderson though if you want. Just let me know, but really Henderson isn't but about 15 min. away.

    Thanks again to all of you for your advice. I needed it so badly. God bless you.
  12. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    Instead of suffering alone....

    If hubby can not stop......maybe he needs meds..Even if he was not like that before, does not mean that a compulsive type of disorder is not there now.

    After you get your ducks in a row (check on things and secure yourself).

    See if the children can be elsewhere and talk to him.....

    If he says he can stop anytime, say prove it.....try it for two weeks.....and no sneaking online or to the casino.
    Did you ever apply for disability? I think you are still working?

    I am concerned......blessings and gentle hugs.......Susan

    I forgot to say that I am so happy that your daughter is okay. AA neighbor girl went through this and it was scary for all of us. So I know what you've been through from that stand point that is. You've been through a lot!
    Wishing you the best..[This Message was Edited on 04/04/2006]
  13. KyLady

    KyLady New Member

    I was just anxious to meet you. Hope your surgery goes well. The birthday party too.

    Next Thursday sounds good to me. If you are o.k. to drive then we'll plan on Thursday.

    I'll ask my friend's hubby about the McDonalds he is a manager at one on the west side. I'm thinking First Ave. but it's been a while since I've been over there.

    We have time to get all the details worked out. Have a great party. Chucky Cheese gee it's been a while since I've been there. My granddaughters used to go all the time, now they are getting a little older.

    Talk more later.
  14. starmom

    starmom New Member

    I am so happy your dau is better. E coli is SO SCARY, I know a family that has been through the wringer with it.

    I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your husband. I have a friend who's hubby lost everything they had by gambling. Her children were put at physical risk by his gambling buddies/loan sharks.

    It may be time to check out CoDependent no more. It is a great book. Gamblers Anon is also a great resource. You have to realize that you can only change yourself. Your son gambling is a very big red flag. You and your children might well be more stable and happy if you divorce, but only if you also get help.

    I found Al-Anon helpful, even when dealing with addiction in a family member other than alcohol. I just substituted the addiction for alcohol. There are groups through Al-anon for children of addicts and adult children of addicts. While it sounds strange, we often find ourselves in situations with addicted spouses via addictions we lived with before. The book "Adult Chidlren of Alcoholics" and "The Laundry List" are amazing resources. "The Laundry List" really opened my eyes to how alcoholism and other addictions in my extended family impacted my life choices. Luckily I started learning about this and working on healing before and while I chose a mate. I still attend meetings irregularly and read literature frequently.

    OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) can be behind many addictions. So can other mental health issues. Your husband may well be ill, not choosing to do this. But he CAN choose to get healthier. He may have to lose everything before this happens (most addicts do). You can choose to help his addiction (enabling) or not. It requires change in YOU.

    Protecting your kids is important, but you can't protect them from everything. It is important to talk to them about htis. Your son may even be at the stage he needs treatment. I know he is only 9 or 10, but it could be an early warning flag for an addictive personality. Or he could jsut be doing what Daddy finds fun. Unless you talk to him, and watch him, you won't know.

    I know this is a lot of info. I truly feel for you, and I hope you can come to some way to live that brings you peace and happiness.


  15. KyLady

    KyLady New Member

    Next Thursday sounds good to me. I am babysitting again that afternoon, maybe we could meet a little earlier that lunch time. How about around 11am then we can talk while your daughter plays and then eat lunch.

    I hope your surgery went well. Let me know if this is o.k. and also where we want to meet. McDonalds on Lincoln has a good play area, would that be too far for you to come?

    Gee I think it's Lincoln or is it Bellemeade just before you come to Green River Rd. I'll have to look on the map.

    Did the storms pass you by yesterday? We had some pretty bad rain and a little hail but the wind wasn't bad.

    Have a great weekend.

  16. KyLady

    KyLady New Member

    Haven't seen you on here in few days. I know you were suppose to go for minor surgery I hope it went well.

    Looking forward to when we can meet for lunch.

    Have a Happy Easter.


  17. mom4three

    mom4three New Member

    My sister in law is going through this right now. She is divorcing him. He goes through paychecks. He does not see he has a problem either even though we have all said he does. So she spoke with a counselor and he said that if he does not see that he has a problem then he won't fix it and if he won't fix it then you will be homeless at the end of it all.

    Whatever you decide will work for your family. Hold your chin up friend and pray. hugs.

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