Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by jccruz76, Jul 13, 2009.

  1. jccruz76

    jccruz76 New Member

    I want to be frank with my problem. I am gay and presently living with a married man (he was single when we started our relaionship) and also an office mate. We've been together for almost 4 years, living together in one roof. We re currently here in Saudi Arabia and working as expats. My problem is my partner has just decided to go on final exit,meaning leave the Kingdom, for good. He is a very affectionate man, tha is what i know for the 4 years of living together. Just thinking that he is leaving for good makes me shiver and is very difficult for me to accept. I am trying to convince him to stay, however, have yet to succeed. I feel very lonely already thinkingthat in a month time, he won't be around anymore. I can' leave my job yet or resign from my job as I still have a family to support. Can anyone help me what to do? I can't imagine living without him, as if I can't survive without him. Pease tll me what to do. I need help..pls help
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board, JC.

    Are you suffering from the illness called depression, or are you upset about
    your current situation?

    If you are depressed, you need to investigate treatment, meds, a support group.

    If you are upset because your partner is leaving, that is a different situation.

    I don't know how old you are, or what you previous experiences have been. I
    am pretty sure that making another person responsible for your happiness is
    not a good idea. Just doesn't work.

    If you partner got married and is leaving, then it's clear that he is no longer
    available, right?

    So you need to be looking toward the future, not the past. I am sure if you
    talk to people, they will all say the same thing. Yes, it's difficult. But it will
    get better, and you will meet other men.

    I am gay too. I didn't meet my partner till I was in my 40s. We have been
    together 28 years. A couple nights ago I asked him to rub some alcohol on
    my shoulder blade which was itching. He said, "It's probably because of your

    So you see. You too may find such a treasure.

    My mother spent most of her life trying to get other people to make her happy.
    But she just couldn't get her husband to stop drinking. And she couldn't turn
    her children into musical prodigies no matter how much she nagged at them
    to practice the piano.

    Finally, in her 60s, she saw a play. The message was: you have to light your
    own fire. Somehow that sunk in and helped her somewhat, but it sure took
    a long time.

    One of my college roommates was gay. After graduation he went to Greenwich Village
    and lived the life of an artist. So that was great; just what he wanted to do. But
    what I never understood was that for decades his lover was a married man.
    Didn't make any sense to me then, and it still doesn't.

    Anyway, I hope you can change your thinking and look forward with some hope. Good luck.

  3. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    you are so darn cute/funny. I'm glad that you get these people involved. Gay or not, what the hell does it matter. My best friend, from elementary school is "gay". when she told me, I made it into a "humerouse joke" ( I can't say on here what I actually said, but she laughed). shes happy, and that is all that matters. You take care!! Life is what you make it!!!!!!!!!!!



  4. jccruz76

    jccruz76 New Member

    Thank you for those kind words of encouragement! I really need people to talk to me. Every bit of advise is appreciated. I have to get my spirit high, otherwise, I may go down and really don't know what will happen. Again, thanks. I appreciat it!
  5. jccruz76

    jccruz76 New Member

    First, let me say, congrats for having a wonderful partner.

    About your question if I am depressed or just upset, I really think that I am depressed. I am not upset cz my partner is leaving for good. We didn't have any sort of misunderstanding due to this. It's just that I am having a hard time accepting that he will be gone forever. I do know that everything in this world is just temporary, especially in my case. HOwever, I did not expect this to end so soon. I wasn't really ready for it.

    I may say though that my partner is a wonderful person. He never gave me any headaches or heartaches during the 3 yrs that we were together. This is the reason why I am so depressed. Just thinking that he will be gone in 3 weeks time makes me shiver. I really don't know how to let go of him. What will happen after he' gone? What shall I do? I'm trying my best to fight this feeling, however, I am having a real hard time.

    I appreciate your encouraging words/advise though.

    Thanks again Rock.

    By the way, I am 50 yrs old and my partner is 36.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/14/2009]
  6. jccruz76

    jccruz76 New Member

    I really do appreciate you found time to reply to my post.

    Actually, I really do need other people's advises and opinion concerning my current predicament.

    I am really having a hard time letting go of someone whom you love so dearly ( I know he feels the same way). It seems that this is the end of the world for me. I am trying my darndest best to fight his feeling. I am trying to practice reverse psychology i.e. trying to be strong ( I a weak), trying to be happy (I a sad) etc.

    I am just hoping that, like what you said, I maybe able to find the right partner for me. He maybe somewhere out there, it's just that I have not met him yet. I still have lots of love to give...

    For now, I really need help on how I will be able to move on..he is still with me, but he will be gone after a couple of weeks.
  7. jccruz76

    jccruz76 New Member

    Thanks lynn, you made me smile a bit!

    Hopefully, after all this is said ad done, I will be able to show everyone a genuine wide grin. True, life is what we make it.

    I am trying to get over this feeling for now, and hoping that someday, I will come out of it stronger and wiser.

  8. jccruz76

    jccruz76 New Member

    You are perfectly right when you said I am looking for ways to cope up with my feelings and reaching out to others...At this point, I really need somebody to talk to. I have one friend here who is always ready to lend his ears for me...I do need other people's advises too.

    Thanks again Mystic...you're making me feel better knowing that there are other people out there who are concerned and are ready to help others..God bless
  9. jccruz76

    jccruz76 New Member

    Thanks Jam. Sometimes I am thinking why do people have to suffer this way..I just can't comprehend that. I am afraid to open my heart again coz I am afraid to suffer the same fate again. Only time will tell...please include me in your prayers..thanks!!
  10. happycfs

    happycfs Member

    I hope you are feeling better these days. :)
  11. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so very sorry for your pain. Losing a loved one, to death or breakup, is one of the most painful experiences we ever endure. Loss like this can be helped by talking with a therapist who treats grief. Most of us, at one time or another, have gone through loss of a loved one. We all grieve in different ways and depression is part of the process. This is, again, where a good therapist is worth his or her weight in gold.

    Please don't expect yourself to just "snap out of it." It takes time. Cut yourself some slack. One shrink told me, when I was going through my own painful divorce, that during times like this, it is OK to just survive. Our society expects us to get up, dust ourselves off, and get back to being productive. Well, it doesn't work like that for most of us. We need time for perspecitve so we can get through the tough times and come out of it with a renewed view of our lives and ourselves. Most of the time, great loss changes us forever. We can't expect to have everything just magically go back to "normal." What we can do is learn from even the most painful experiences to help us in the future.

    I'm sending up a prayer for you.

    Love, Mikie
  12. jc16551

    jc16551 New Member


    There's an old adage... advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

    I'd suggest you research social services available in your area and find yourself a good LCSW to work with you on this issue. If insurance/money is an issue, there are programs that offer excellent counseling and social support for those in need.

    It's clear that you need the help of a professional with expertise dealing with these kind of issues. I'd strongly urge you to pursue this course of action.


    Dr. Dan