I'm having a really bad day...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kmelodyg, Mar 20, 2003.

  1. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    Hello everyone. Today has not started out so well. First I woke up with horrible pain everywhere to the sounds on the TV advertising for a Temperpedic Mattress. Man I would love to have one of those! So I got about 5 hours of sleep on and off. I got online and checked this board out and saw the response from Karen about how she feels like giving up. I wrote her back telling her not to, things will get better. My boyfriend saw what I was writing and got really sad. He said that I can come on here and be supportive but I can't do it with him . I have been so depressed lately that no matter what he does to try to cheer me up, I can't snap out of it. He says that if I can't snap out of this for me, snap out of it for the relationship. I realized that when I come to this board and write back to you all, I am really trying to tell myself those things as well. I just don't have the energy to give to my boyfriend the way he wants me to. I feel like I want to push him out of my life so that he can find someone else who can give him what he needs. He says that he is not going anywhere, and that he will be here for me no matter what. I rarely can leave the house anymore. That has to be so hard on him. It makes me feel so guilty. I am sinking down in some horrible depression, and it's getting worse all of the time. It scares me. He said that he thinks that I should go to therapy, but that has never really helped me before. And I HATE antidepressants. Writing to you all helps me alot. I'm sure that many of you understand how I am feeling right now. It's like an abyss of bad emotions. I have always had depression, but this is the worst it has ever been and I am scared. I need help and I just don't know where to start. Help.....

    Kathryn
  2. phenom

    phenom New Member

    hi, first of all, i'm sorry you're going through all this. secondly, tell your boyfriend that depression is a REAL illness and cannot be 'snapped out of' as he suggests. maybe you could print something out for him? might help if its written down for him. thirdly, have you tried any natural therapies? st john's wort is very good for depression, some say as good, if not better than, prozac, plus it doesn't have all the nasty side effects. also, and i realise how ironic this will sound on a CFS/FMS board, but exercise releases endorphins which are like the body's natural anti-depressants. getting your heart rate up a little a few times a week might get these into your system. if you can manage that, then its worth a try. you don't have anything to lose. if it hurts too much, i'd go with the st john's wort (there are others too i think).

    i hope this has been a bit helpful to you. good luck with it all and let me know how you go. (((soft hugs)))

    phenom
  3. camelgirl

    camelgirl New Member

    i'm 25 also...live in FL...i went through a relationship a few years ago that fell apart due to my nonparticipation in life...we didn't know how sick i was at the time, but hindsight is 20/20 right?...i also understand ALL of your feelings of depression and not trusting all the drugs the docs want to put you on, but i gave in and i take paxil, klonopin, and neurontin because without them i don't fuction like a human...my docs know that i want to be on as little medication as possible, and we work together on finding the combination of things that control my symptoms without making me a zombie...i feel as though i'm rambling, so i think i'll end this now...the moral of the story: i understand and i'm here for you anytime.
    peace, hugs, God bless, camelgirl
  4. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    Your support means so much to me. It has been so hard to try to explain to him what's going on and how he should deal with it. He's one of those types that feel the need to fix everything. And he dosen't like feeling so helpless. I can understand, but when I feel like crap, it's hard to put it aside for a moment to reassure him. I just want to say "FINE THEN, GO, LEAVE!!!" But then again, he is the one thing that really makes me happy in my life. HIs support means so much to me. From my end, it seems like he is being sellfish for giving me such a hard time about how HE feels. When I am at my low points, I just seem to not want to care about how anybody feels!! I just want to be left alone or be pampered and consoled. I don't have the energy to argue. I just end up bawling my eyes out anytime he brings it up. Last month during my period was horrible for me physically and emotionally. And I should be getting my period in a week or so, and I just want him to "head for the hills". But he is so insistant that he does not want me to push him away. He wants to be there with me during all of my "episodes". I am the type that when I am sick or not well emotionally and/or physically, I WANT TO BE ALONE!!! I just don't like people seeing me like that. I always end up snapping at them or saying things that I do not want to say. I wish that he would obey my wishes and leave me alone sometimes. Especially without taking it personally. He has alot of problems with depression as well, so you think that he would somewhat understand how I a m feeling. It's not like I am going to hurt myself or anything. I just need time for things to pass. I need my space and quiet time. I need my time to cry my eyes out all by myself. I need time to write down all of my feelings in privacy. I don't want to feel smothered. But then again, I don't want to lose him. I wish that I could verbalize this in a way that he would understand. Any suggestions????

    Love,
    Kathryn
  5. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    And another thing... does anyone know about a website that may refer Fibro patients to good therpists? I would really like to go to one and get some help, but I would prefer to go to someone that understands this disease. Thanks!