I'm in Soooo much pain..thanks to my kids

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Aeronsmom, Jul 17, 2006.

  1. Aeronsmom

    Aeronsmom New Member

    my husband leaves at 4:00pm to work until 3:30am
    now remember I have a 5yr old a 13 yr old and a 15 yr old.

    as soon as my hubby left the older boys started agitating the 5 yr old whom LOVES to scream and yell and then the older boys proceded to start fighting with one another and I totally lost it..I cannot go on another week of this yelling and screaming and fighting..I yelled so hard at the boys and just started crying.

    I am now in so much pain I just don't know what to do..I feel like sending my older boys to go live with their dad because I can't go on like this anymore, the house does not get clean and I have to argue with them to clean their room, I almost feel like I am going to lose it on them..I'm afraid they are going to push to the point where I may hurt them, I have NEVER hit my children but lately I really have to leave the room and count to 60 before I can go near them...I feel like a bad mother.

    Ann
  2. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    You have your hands full.The older boys should know better.Maybe a heart to heart with them one at a time in private might help.

    For your pain when your sure there sleeping.Light a few candles put on soft music and soak in a nice hot tub and try to relax.

    Please take care of you.Hope things get better real soon.

    Foe Every Day A New Dawn Will Come......Gentle Hugs......Sue
  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I too am in pain because of my KIDS. Although mine are much older ,21,24, & 28.

    The girls {21 & 28} thought that it would be fun to have a BBQ up the canyon for the hubbies and Dad's birthdays that are with in aweek of each others.

    I didn't think that climbing down a hill that that went on to be a side walk made of wooden planks with a hand rail part of the way. It was extrely uneven and I had my Mom with me who is really still from Arthritis and Rhemutiod arthritis.

    This little stroll was about a good city block and felt like I had walked a mile or more.
    And once their the MEN went fishing took one grandson with them.But it was the littlest one that moved the fastest as he is just 15 months old and does not walk but runs and since his mom was trying not to be sick { From morning sickenss, has to eat every few hours or she gets really sick.}
    And my grandson thought that chashing after other people and dogs was fun and it was even funner if when Grandma called your name and yelled "Braxton STAY there " he would turn and look at me ,smile and run even faster and was around the corner when I finally grabbed him , he was going for the DUCKS that were swimming in the Dam. I didn't think that was so fun . I grabbed him and he screamed like I had beaten him on his bare legs. So I gave him to him MOMMY who tried to give him to his Daddy. Didn't work soon he was on the run again.


    But I do remember the days when the girls were younger and the oldest ones made the littlest one scream and cry and even then I had the bad knees and had at least one knee surgery. I really wanted to beat all of them but that was not a good idea.

    Remember that you will lose your temper at these kids. AS I tell you this story I am ashamed to say that smacked my middle daugter while she was in the bath tub, when my 2 youngset were in the bathtub the middle one took the liquid baby soap and poured it in to my youngest daughters ears .That would not have been so bad but she had just had tubes put in them. And I lost it. And smacked the middle daughter , with her being wet and slippery from all the soap she was not hit hard but had the red hand prints on her back and butt. My oldest was on the phone calling her Grandma telling her that I was "KILLING HER SISTERS"

    I didn't come close to killing them but it was a thought.

    So now that they are gone and don't live at home it is my husband who will tell me Don't over do it or you wil get sick. So he will clean a few things up and then leaves more things on the floor.
    I finally had to get some help from a neighbor .She came over to visit one day and asked me if she could help me just pick up things on the floors and to vaccum and sweep the kitchen floor.

    Yes It is embarassing sometimes to let people know that you need help. But remember if you are the one trying to pick up after 3 kids and a husband , you will pay for it and will not be able to take care of anyone because you will be in bed.

    IF you have the money hire some one to come in and clean you, if not see if you have a family friend that can come in and help you once a week or if you have some family around see if you can hire a neice to come in a help you clean up the house . I asked my neice to help me clean up the house and only paid her about $10.00 for the 2 hours she was there.

    I hope you get some help soon, I don't recommend to have the hubby clean as they don't want to do it. But that could just be my husband.

    Wish you the best,
    Rosemarie
  4. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    I feel for your pain and the kids. It has taken me almost two years that if my kids start a fight I simply ignore it anymore. It seems the worse I feel the more they push so I figure if they are old enough to fight like fools let it at it and when they come whinney back to you tell them it's not your porblem. Also if you have to leave the room take the little one with you. I know it sounds cold but yelling doesn't work and talking does't work so I figure they just want my attention and if they want it they will come talk to me instead of creating chasos in the house. The two teenagers are old enough that they can figure somethings out by themselves. You will also notice that the fights slow down and learn to stop over the simple things. But like I said just take the little one out of the situation......SueF
  5. Aeronsmom

    Aeronsmom New Member

    thank you all for your suggestions, I will try some of them.

    Ann
  6. mrstyedawg

    mrstyedawg Member

    I really feel for you. I know exactly how you are feeling. I know that when we are so sick, to sick really to deal with this, it is easier to just scream, yell, cry at the kids when they are acting up.

    My husband, who is a teacher, and a step parent to my kids, sat me down one night and talked to me. He told me something that really helped to get some peace into our home. The best thing he told me was Do Not Argue With Them. When they are fighting just calmly go to them and tell them what you will and will not tolerate. Tell them that if they break the rules what will happen. For example, I tell my daughter to clean the kitchen. I will then tell her how much time I will give her to clean the kitchen and set a timer. If the kitchen is not clean by that time, she is not allowed to watch her favorite soap opera for the day. I do not argue with her, I just unplug her TV. It doesn't take her very long to see that I mean what I say. When they start fighting, I will tell them that their computers, tv, phone, or whatever they love the most will be put up until they quit fighting and earn these things back. I then leave the room, I try my best not to be drawn into an argument with them. If the arguing continues, I don't say anything to them I just go and get their favorite plaything and put it away. It has taken me months and I sometimes still will be drawn into an argument with them, but I have found that by not fighting and just doing what I tell them I am going to do has helped immensely.

    I know exactly how you are feeling. I think we all have times when we just would like to punch them in the face especially when they are backsassing. Parenting is such a stressful job and when one is sick it is so much harder.

    Your older kids should be told how sick you are and how their fighting just makes you feel so much worse. That you know that they love you, but they are doing things that are really hurting you physically and well as mentally and you know that they would not be doing this if they knew how it made you feel. Hope this helps.

    love,
    Andrea
  7. TAM

    TAM New Member

    Hi Ann,

    First let me say your not a bad mother. You did the right thing by walking away counting to 60 so that you would'nt hurt your kids. When your in daily pain its only natural that we tend to be more irritable. I mean somedays even something that normally would'nt get on your nerves does.

    Have you ever sit your children down and have a heart to heart talk with them if not you should try.I mean the 13 and 15 year old are way old enough to help you out by being good for you. Maybe if you explain that you just can't do everything you were able to do in the past and that you need more help and even little things get on your nerves like when they make there little brother yell maybe they will stop. I Hope so for your sake anyway.

    What i would do is write daily chores down that they must do each day you know not alot each day but in order to help get your house clean(because lets face it your in to much pain to do it alone, its impossible) they are all old enough to help out. Make it out for the whole week, 1st day have them each clean the kitchen give each child a job to do, then the next day the bathroom, there bedroom one day, the living room another and so and and so on.
    until finally ever room in your house will be clean.

    Then the next week since the house is cleaned give them other things that need to get done and then before you know it you can post the clean each room one agian. And that is the least any child can do and with all three of them helping in one area it won't take them long and none of them will feel overwhelmed, or feel like they have to many things to do because your only giving them one job daily. I know your 5 yr old can't do much but he could wipe things down and you just might be surprised that he will enjoy helping because it will make him feel like a big boy look mommy what i did, At least thats what i hope for you. And with them only having one thing to do daily as far as a chore goes that will still give them plenty of time to be with friends and play and do all the things boys like to do.

    I have a 14 year old son, he is a little blessing. The funny thing with my son is for the last couple years i have not once had to tell him to clean his room he cleans it better then i would have i do believe(when i was able to clean well that is). He sweeps it & dusts never lets his floor get messy. I think its because of all his expensive guitars his pride and joy he has 6 guitars he has them hanging on his wall and he doesn't want them dusty i'm sure.

    Well i hope everything works out for you sweetie, and you are not a bad mom hon you can only take so much and then of coarse your going to get mad, maybe after your talk with them they will be more helpful. Take care and i wish you better health and lots of happiness, Tammy.
  8. justlooking

    justlooking New Member

    other activities offered by Parks and Recreation Centers in your area or the YMCA. In my area both have great programs for kids and teens and at reasonable prices. My two younger kids go to summer camp ($70 a week) for 3-4 weeks during the summer so they can have some supervised activities out of the house. I also have a membership to the YMCA and when I feel well enough I take them to swim for an hour or two. I just sit by the side of the pool and watch.

    Sometimes just getting them out of the house helps everyone get along. They get their energy out and by time they get home they are too pooped to fight!

    Sincerely
    JL

    BTW I know how easily the bickering and fighting and just having the kids at home during the summer can send you to the edge.... To make things less stressful for everyone I Also gave up on cleaning rooms every day or even every week. I get them to do it about every month and then offer an allowance for each thing they do and then make a trip to Toys R Us, very effective. Also when they are gone all day at camp the house stays clean longer. But also during the summer I just accept the house isn't going to be perfect and ignore more than I normally would. I just don't have the energy to pick up after everyone all day long and don't have the energy or desire to spend the day fighting about it being clean. I used to do that everyday and found it just stressed me out more. So now my house is just ok during the summer and then I keep it the way I like it during the school year and when they are at camp. Its a compromise and one that we all can live with.

    Hope you get some peace soon.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/18/2006]
  9. yourtroubl

    yourtroubl New Member

    You would think 15 year olds would know better, but they just dont get it. I have a 15 year old boy and a 6 year old girl and they pick at each other all of the time and the 6 year old is a screamer too. So she usually gets her way just to shut her up.

    The boxing thing is a bad idea. A friend's son just broke his middle knuckle boxing. Hands wrapped and gloves on. He had to have surgery and then has to have another surgery to remove the pins.

    Talk about a stressor.

    If you figure out what to do, let me know. Me and my brother are 6 years apart. We fought all the time. (So I think my mom cursed me with this) But I recall he almost always let me win.

    I tell my son that he is going to college in 3 years and that he will want his sister to have happy memories of him. Sometimes that works.
  10. razorqueen

    razorqueen Member

    They have their moments, but they are very respectful to me and my hubby, as we raised them that way. We did not tolerate disrespect.
    I am sorry yours are being difficult.
    I have a lot of pain, but I am blessed to say my kids are not the cause.

    Raz