I'm Just Tired of Going

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kaymac42, Aug 18, 2009.

  1. kaymac42

    kaymac42 New Member

    Don't you get to the point you just wish the world would stop for a while so you could feel better and rest and catch up?

    I have continually tried to stay up with the world since diag 7 years ago. I take med, supps, try the diet, try the exercise, do this do that, see this doctor, that one....tests..more test....yet the symptoms keep GROWING....not just exhaustion and pain....thyroid, heart, joints...despite they (doctors) keep saying FM/CFIDS! Okay, so I'm not dying from the other health problems. I'm trying to keep going despite the face all the time something ELSE crops up that I have to try to find out why, if it will not kill me, and how to live with. What med, what cream, how do I keep functioning.

    I am still trying to work full time. I am exhausted....I've gain weight BIG time. Now I'm so fat the doctors worry about my heart. They want me to exercise but I have severe joint pain and my knees don't work. My tendons in feet stay inflamed. Now back and neck pain. Everything breaks me out. I have yucky skin rashes, dermatitis that gets so bad it hurts to wear clothes! I take 6 meds every day and supplements. I STILL have PAIN, SLEEPLESSNESS, ANXIETY, TACHYCARDIA, HEADACHES, JOINT PROBLEMS, HYPERSENSITIVE to everything, BRAINFOG.....

    I'm just tired. I want to quit but scared once I stop I won't get back up. I'm disgusted with my health, with the way I look and feel. I want to retreat to myself a while and regroup.

    I want off all these meds. I want more time to meditate and focus on me and feeling better. How do you do that!

    Thanks for reading!

    Kaymac
  2. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    "Don't you get to the point you just wish the world would stop for a while so you could feel better and rest and catch up?"

    YES YES YES.....So much!!!! I know you said you are working, so that must be difficult, but I think that it's ironic that many of us, who are not working and would appear (big emphasis on the word appear) to have tons of free time, are constantly so far behind on everything....I was thinking about this last night. My Dr asked me to schedule another appt for 3 weeks from now, and that sounds like a lot of time......but then when I start thinking about how much time I need to rest in order to have the energy to get there, how much down time I need after an appt, and all the things he wants me to do in between appts (as well as the rest of the things I need to do simply to live), there is just no way that i can do it all and be able to make it back to his office in 3 weeks).

    I have an ongoing to-do list and I really try to be very flexible about when I get things on it done, and to not stress about it, but I would so love to have it all done - even just once for a week or so.....how wonderful that would be!
  3. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    i can relate totally. we are all in the same boat with this strange illness. i am now chubby and i never was in my life before. i would always stay fit and exercise. what can we do? until there are some better drugs, we just have to keep chugging along the best we can.

    can you go on disability benefits? you really should not be pushing yourself with this disease. i know it is hard when you have a family, but i hope you can consider it.

    love
    sue
  4. gapsych

    gapsych New Member


    My family all keep lists of things to do and I have also always done this.

    I think you hit on a good idea, at least for me. I am going to stop making lists for a while as it gets so frustrating.

    With my fibrofog, there are things I have to remember like paying bills. I have the calendar on my computer send me an email right before bills are due. Also for other important things. I have a calandar where I write down things like appointments, etc. So technically, I should be able to not make lists of things that I am not sure when will get done.

    The other day someone came over. I have had four different colors of paint on most of my walls for several months. She asked when I was going to start painting, I said "When I start." We both laughed about that and it sounds like no biggie but it was kind of a step in the right direction acknowledging that sometimes things like this will take time. Not the same as giving up, but being more realistic.


    I guess I need to break that habit for my sake and if I do keep lists prioritize them and make them shorter. I do need a calandar for visualizing the month. :D

    Thanks.

    gap
  5. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator

    Hi,

    I am sorry that you are feeling so bad....I understand.

    Your symptoms sound like they could be caused by a chronic borrelia burgdorferi infection (lyme) and associated coinfections like bartonella, babesia, and ehrlichia.

    Lyme is never ruled out by just a negative lab test, like most Dr's do.

    Please read this paper by a lyme expert....pay particular attention to the symptom list on p 9-11 and the coinfection info on p 22-27....


    http://www.ilads.org/lyme_disease/B_guidelines_12_17_08.pdf


    I'd be glad to help you in any way I can.
  6. Jayna

    Jayna New Member

    and it worked that way for a while, but 10 years later, it seems like I always feel crowded and rushed. Without lists I can't keep track of the few necessary tasks, but with them I feel pressured every day that I can't check off something.

    Aunt TAmmie wrote: "My Dr asked me to schedule another appt for 3 weeks from now, and that sounds like a lot of time......but then when I start thinking about how much time I need to rest in order to have the energy to get there, how much down time I need after an appt, and all the things he wants me to do in between appts (as well as the rest of the things I need to do simply to live), there is just no way that i can do it all and be able to make it back to his office in 3 weeks)."

    This is me too. Whenever my dr says "come back in 3-4 weeks" I think to myself "I'll never make it" and I feel exhausted just thinking about having that looming on my schedule. Right now I only have a dentist appt, 2 doctor appts, and some bloodwork to fit in before my first real holiday in five years (a leisurely drive out to the coast and back) but it feels like I haven't had a day complely OFF in months. And the holiday isn't really a holiday because every day I have to be thinking about which supplements go with which meal, remmebering which restaurant foods I have to avoid, worrying about what chemical cleaners will be in tonight's hotel room, and so on. I feel like I"ve exhausted all my self-discipline and willpower to keep going, too.

    Sorry, I have no coping tips to share. I feel whiny just thinking about it.
  7. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Do I ever understand.....

    I feel like everyday I wake up and I think "here I go again.." I'm sooo tired. I work as well. I also am a manager for a Direct sales company to bring in extra money. To say I'm exhausted is an understatement. It's not even the fatigue that's the worst part. It's the pain. It's the thought that "this is the way it is".

    I get a day off and it is spent on the couch. I want so badly to enjoy a day off. I have so many things I'd like to do, but now I even say outloud "who am I kidding". Something little like going to buy pillows which I need, I know I won't get out to do.

    I'm more unorganized than I've ever been and that is driving me absolutely crazy!! It's clutter in my mind. Thankfully I do have a wonderful helpful husband, but he can only do so much.

    I understand where you're coming from!!!

    ~Janalynn
  8. jaynesez

    jaynesez New Member

    through posts when I saw yours Kay, and I'm in the same exact position as you are. I'm exhausted, I get so drowsy at my desk I feel as though I'm going to pass out. By 2 or 3 my back hurts so bad that sometimes I have to lay on my office floor because I can no longer bear the weight of gravity. Meanwhile the phones are ringing, the door chiming (someone coming in) and coworkers could care less! I wish to GOD I could get off this cycle from hell and just take it easy and work on my health for a few years! I don't know how much longer I can keep going, I feel on the verge of collapse. I'm going to see an endo at the beginning of the month and insist he do a thourough workup of my thyroid, as these symptoms along with my hair now falling out is a sign of that, but if he won't do it or if the test come back normal, I don't know what I'll do. Simply put, this SUCKS!!! I don't have a life or friends left anymore, am too tired and in pain to enjoy anything, and have seem to have lost my spiritual connection that always kept me strong and hopeful. I feel for you, truly, because I know exactly how you feel. Please look into your thyroid, even if you have bloodwork done, because they do one type of test and if that's okay, then you're "normal" -google "stop the thyroid madness" that is the name of an excellent website regarding this under-diagnosed problem that is keeping many sick. Sorry I couldn't be more uplifting or have some bit of wisdom, as you can see by other posters, we are not alone, and that is something anyway!
    Jayne
  9. shaz73

    shaz73 New Member

    I can't really add anything new to this discussion except to say that I know that feeling SO well! It seems many of us, myself included, are trying to push our bodies through everyday stuff and finding it so difficult. I work part time and have been studying part time also, but over this past week I realised I can't keep doing that and stay well and sane anymore. So gonna quit the studying for now and look after myself a bit better.

    Sharon