I'm knocked back down...I can't take this much longer

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by hermitlady, May 3, 2008.

  1. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    Well, I had a few days where I came out of my flare (it's been 2+months long) a bit, but it was too good to be true. Yesterday the pain and fatigue were back w a vengeance and I cannot figure out why. I didn't overdo it or do anything strange, but my body and mind feel like they've been beaten with a baseball bat. I also started my period off schedule so I'm sure my pre menopausal hormones have something to do w it.

    How can this keep happening to me? This is the longest I've ever been so sick. Two wks ago I was sooo depressed and afraid I might end up in the hospital because of it. I've slowly been feeling better mentally (fighting every hour of the day and seeing my therapist), but yesterday it's all back. The anxiety and depr are killing me again. My moods change so quickly, it's scary sometimes.

    It was my birthday this past Wed and I didn't even feel well enough to go out to dinner. My dh keeps asking when I want to go out, but I'd just rather stay home and order pizza!! This sucks and I'm so tired of it all.

    Just needed to have a b!tch session here, thanks for listening...I love you guys.
  2. 4everkid

    4everkid New Member

    Hermitlady, I am sorry you are feeling so bad. Sometimes this DD makes no sense at all. Suddenly you are struck, and there seems to be no cause.
    I was starting to finally feel better back in Feb-Mar and getting to where I could walk again for longer periods, (after my ankle break last summer), then out of the blue, I was in agony.
    I remember exactly when it happened. My son brought his dog here because they couldn't keep her. That night, it stormed, and my dog Hailey was standing outside in the storm looking all droopy and sad while the new dog slept warm and dry in Hailey's house. I was upset, and didn't know what I could do about it in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain. During that period of time, that night, my hip went out (which has never happened) and over a month later, is still messed up. All my other foot and ankle problems came rushing back. The next day, my son brought his dog her own house, and all was well. But I am still stuck with the pain.

    I have no idea if the stress of that moment caused this whole month of agony, or not.

    Sometimes I will sprain my ankle while I am lying still in my recliner. WTF? That has been going on for years! Suddenly, a few hours, or a month later, it is suddenly fine. Nothing caused it, nothing healed it. I gave up on trying to figure FM out long ago.

    Maybe you should take some extra meds (something non drowsy) and just go out for your birthday dinner. Maybe it will be good for you. It might be uplifting, and in turn cause you to feel better physically. It's worth a try.

    My younger son is taking me to the plant nursery today, (although he is 2 hours late.) Its a beautiful drive, and we both love the plants and flowers. I am not really up to it, but I am hoping the trip to somewhere besides the store will be good for me. Our local ArtsFest is this weekend, which always puts me in a good (and creative) mood. But I know I can't handle the amount of walking that involves. I wish I could go to that.

    But I think FUN is important. We need it occasionally, to balance out the gloom of being depressed and in pain all the time. Maybe dinner with hubby is just what you need.

    I don't have the clinical depression to deal with though, so what works to uplift me may not work for you. My "depression" is more like being perpetually bummed out, due to being stuck at home with no car. So if I can manage to mask enough pain to walk without a grocery cart, and get out of the house, it usually helps my mood.

    I hope you find something that makes you feel better soon.
  3. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I've been sitting outside watching the birds flock to my bird feeder and trying to distract myself. But I come back inside and look around my messy house and feel terrible again. If only the laundry fairies would come and do the laundryroom full of clothes that are waiting for me!

    I'm planning on getting a new tattoo on my shoulder of a monarch butterfly w some type of exotic flower. Dh wants to go w me this wkend to have it done, but we never have anyone to watch the kids. I know this would lift my spirits cuz I've been wanting to do it for a long time. We always have a hard time trying to plan anything without the kids cuz we have no family or babysitters avail. With the problems that my daughter has, I can't just leave them with just anyone. Kind of makes it hard to go out by ourselves.

    Sorry to hear about the trouble you've had w your ankle, ouch! It is so so strange how our bodies can fail us for no apparent reason. I've been keeping a journal thinking that maybe I can track what causes me to feel better or worse, but nothing ever clicks.

    I'm just going to rest and try to "live in the moment"...this was what my therapist wants me to work on this wk. I tend to be a worrier and have this overwhelming problem w dreading everything that is to come. It's a hard habit to break.

    xxoo Hermit
  4. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Try and keep up your spirits dear one. It does get you down I know. I feel down at the moment with pain and flaring and worry about my son too.

    Just knowing that you are not alone. It is NOT in your head. We all understand how you ARE feeling.

    Just be good to yourself. If you are in a flare then rest up and take it easy as much as you can. When I am flaring the slightest thing sets off the pain, fatigue and depression.

    Do you have anyone you can talk with on the phone (if you have the energy) or someone who would visit? I do think lonliness plays into this darn DD a lot.

    Can you watch a movie, or read a book. Are you taking your D3 1,000 mg that really helps with pain and flares alot. Also Prohealth do a good sublingual B12 very cheaply that help lift one a bit.

    Bathing in Epsom Salt bath (use more than they say but shower off after) can help.

    So sorry. Where do you live? The air pressure is weird this week too. The summer will help. I justv ate choc chip icecream and felt a little better for it!!!(and blow the weight!)

    Love Annie
  5. ckball

    ckball New Member

    I am sorry you are back down again, that is what blows so bad is we never know from one day to the next what we can do.

    As Annie and 4ever said, try to get some rest and do somethinig relaxing, or just go ahead and go out, you may find it is just what you need.

    I do understand your issue with finding someone to watch your daughter, it doesn't make it easy. Are there any adult day care centers in your area? You said she was a teen right? Some areas have these centers to help cartakers and families by taking them to day care center once a week or so. Just a thought.

    I love your pic, you look very much like my freind and real estate agent. She sold me my house, then sold my mom's and we still keep in touch.

    Hang in there and know you are not alone, we are all here and understand that sometimes we just have to let off some steam. Hugs to ya-Carla
  6. springwater

    springwater Active Member

    Being at the mercy of unpredictable hormones and a mysterious disease which has a mind of its own is killing....

    Sometimes i feel my inner confidence flagging and worry I wil never regain it because i get slapped down so many times....you cruise along cautiously thinking aaaah, Im kind of okay now, maybe I will make it after all, and then wham! your beat down by this weird thing which they label FMS/Depression and youre floundering all over again.
    However one just gets on with it.....doesnt one?

    I suppose remembering the good patches and knowing there are ups as well helps us get thru it. Im in a much better place physcially, mentally, (hormonally??lol than i was a week back when i was praying Id just never wake again.

    I hope you feel better soon. Take care

    God Bless


  7. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    Just checking back in for a minute. I felt a little better for a couple of hrs this afternoon. Got outside in the sun and hosed the patio and furniture down. It was a gorgeous day today. I did get a lot of rest yesterday, that's all I felt like doing. Did a lot of crying too.

    Now it's time to go make dinner, another job that I absolutely hate...the kitchen is not one of my happy places!

    As for the respite, we've never had any luck w finding dependable agencies. I had a 20 yr old girl that was great for a few months, but she just quit coming a couple of months ago.. I can't even get her boss to return my calls. This is probably the 5th or 6th time this has happened. It's really frustrating. This is actually "social recreational counseling" and it's the only service we've gotten thru the Regional Center where dd is a client. It's really a joke.

    Gotta go, see you later....H
  8. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I've been trying to force myself to power thru these rough patches....sometimes I just can't make myself move tho. Yesterday I took the max amt of Norco and I felt bad about that, but oh well, it made me feel better and got me out of bed.
  9. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    So sorry to feel that you are feeling badly again. I know how frustrating it is, believe me after having these DD's for about 25 years or so. I don't know that much about flaring but I do feel pain all or most of the time.

    That is so sad also that you are having such a hard time trying to find someone to watch your daughter for awhile while you get out and do things. I read your bio and saw your lovely picture. That is a great picture also with those beautiful purple flowers.

    I know what you mean about special ed. I have 8 grandchidren and three of them are or have had special ed. Our youngest is 4 and was dx with mild to moderate autism, my next to the oldest is 15 and is doing ok with special classes and wil be able to learn to live on his own we think. My third daughter is divorced and has 3 sons, one has leukemia but is doing OK on chemo (age 6), one is 13 and was dxwd PPD-nos (that has similar autistic symptoms) . Note sure if he will ever get to live on his own, I don;t think so. The eldest is almost 18, graduating from HS and living with his lazy father and unfortunatly is lazy himself. So, not sure how much of a future he will have. My daughter works till 6 m-f and doesn't have that much time for the kids. Luckily, she is now engaged to a nice guy she has known for years who loves the boys but he doesn;t see alot of the older one since he lives with his dad.

    Sorry for all the venting here to you sweetie but I can just imagine your dilemma. It makes all these things magnified also. Due to the way I feel most of the time I don;t push myself to do stuff with the GK's by myself or even just with my DH if there is alot of stress involved. I also have hi b/p which does not help either. I also feel guilty not doing more for them. I also do not like to drive out of my "comfort zone" which also limits me some too.

    I hope you can find someone to watch your daughter and sorry also that your son is picking up some of your daughter's behaviors. I think D"#'3's 6 yr old is doing some of that from the 13 yr old - mimicing his behaviors and thinks they are cute or funny. NOT !!

    Please excuse my venting esp about my special ed grandchildren. I just can imagine how hard it is esp when you feel so badly too. At least, so far none of the affected grandsons are violent which is a good thing. Sorry to hear that your daughter can be. That makes it even harder.

    God bless you dear and give you strength. I hope you can find someone to help out soon. That can help your who well being, being able to get out for a bit by yourself off witha a friend to do something without the kids.

    Feel free to vent if you need to . I can listen really well if nothing else. Hopr you start to feel better again really SOON !!

    Hugs and blessings,

    Granni

    [This Message was Edited on 05/15/2008]
  10. momof27

    momof27 New Member


    IT REALLY DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT I REALLY CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO DO.

    I READ THIS BOARD AND IT CRACKS ME UP AT THE THINGS WE GO THROUGH AND SURVIVE , LIKE THE PILES , I MAKE SO MANY PILES AROUND THE HOUSE WITH ALL GOOD INTENTIONS OF PUTTING IT AWAY AND I KNOW DEEP DOWN IN SIDE I NEVER WILL

    THEN I READ ABOUT, SITTING IN A CHAIR AND PRESTO YOUR FOOT IS BROKEN FEELS THIS WAY FOR WEEKS OR MINUTES AND PRESTO IT ALL BETTER.

    IF I DON'T LAUGH I CRY AND I SAID TWO MONTHS AGO I WON'T LET THIS DD GET THE BEST OF ME, SO I LAUGH.

    WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT HASN'T HAPPENED IN A FEW WEEKS, I GOT UPSET AND "BAM" MY BELLY LOOKS 9 MONTHS P.G.IF YOU DON'T LAUGH YOU CRY SO LETS HAVE A GOOD LAUGH.


    I LOVE YA ALL SO MUCH YOU LIFT ME UP THANK YOU.MOM