Im loosing my mind...and pain is coming to take its place!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by PrincessofYoga, May 1, 2003.

  1. PrincessofYoga

    PrincessofYoga New Member

    Hi all,

    I haven’t posted for a while but this time, I really need some feed back.

    I have had FM for a little over a year now. I work part time, 30 hours a week, and have managed so far to get my life back to some what of a normal area. I have a tremendous amount of support from family and friends and even an empathetic doctor, which is hard to come by. Here is my situation...

    I started a new job about 9 months ago. I am working in the president’s office of the company I am at, assisting his executive assistant. I have been in this type of position (actually I was doing her job at another company) since I got out of the Navy 10 years ago. Stuff that should be second nature is a struggle for me. I chalked it up to the newness of the job. Well, that has changed.

    I am taking 50 mg of Elavil and vicodin, when I need it. The use of the Vicodin has gone up recently, however, since I find myself in high levels of pain every day now, including horrible headaches. On days that I take vicodin (1 5-500 mg) I feel my thinking is clearer, however, when I am not, I am mush.

    I am at the point where I am afraid I might loose my job. I am making so many mistakes, mistakes that someone with my experience and knowledge should not be making, and it is becoming more and more obvious. I hand her things only to get them back with proofreading artwork all over it.

    I have an appointment with my internal medicine doctor tomorrow. He admitted when he first met me that he knows nothing about FM but is willing to stick with me. That he has. However, when I went to get the vicodin filled, the pharmacy said it was too soon. He called in Fiorinal (which I have never taken before).

    I am thinking about seeking a pain management doctor. I joined a fitness center but haven’t had the energy to go. I am scared about my mind and how it seems to be slipping away. I am fine at home, can manage tasks easily. Once I walk into work, I am toast.

    Does any body have any suggestions??? Help!??!


    [This Message was Edited on 05/01/2003]
  2. spazmonkey

    spazmonkey New Member

    I used to work at a non-profit as a program assistant. I did grant-writing, kept track of their financial database, designed their brochures and any marketing material plus did event planning and a bunch of nonsense administrative work. This is where most of my fibro stuff got worse. I believe it's a downward spiral from there..all the worries about messing up,not being able to speak at meetings, making so many mistakes, hiding my illness and numerous doctor appointments made me even more anxious, making fibro a ton worse.

    Its the multi-tasking that is a problem for us. We can work super hard, but when you give us a few things to do at the same time,we get lost and don't know where to start or feel overwhelmed. Hon, your sick now and need to make changes in your life. It will only get worse with added stress. I had to take a job that i could only focus on one thing, i believe my skills are much better and my salary stinks--but i can handle this job. Getting a handle has made me less stressed so i can at least deal with my illness.

    If you want to try it out, (sounds like you already do the yoga thing)....try meditating every day for 25-30 minutes. Relax your whole body with your mind and think of a happy spot where there are no worries. Keep thinking about the details of this place. This refuels the "happy" chemicals in your brain , and uses parts of the brain that we fibro people have forgotten about. I cannot stress to you how much this helps!!!

    hope this advice helps...
    Good luck and remember that your body and your mind are the most important thing in your life!!
  3. Dorothy45

    Dorothy45 New Member

    I don't knwo how to say this nicely, but thank God I am not alone. I don't don't much about fm yet, but I am trying to become more informative. I work 40 hours a week, and I have noticed that I am "different". I have been doing the same work (corporate travel agent) for 25 years, and I should nothave problems that I have. I have noticed that the fog is getting worse. Before I found out that I have fm, I thought it was the medication I took for depression. I even forget for a split second where I am at. My mother-in-law and uncle died from Alzheimer's, so naturally I am concerned about my mind. I am going to the doctor tomorrow for pain meds, and if he is receptive to the idea of fm, I might bring up the mental fog. If not tomorrow, I will discuss it with the psychiatrist that said I had fm.
  4. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    but how's the sleep cycle going...

    my partner will suffer from a great deal of fatigue that leads to "the fog" when she doesn't get that good deep sleep... sleep is your best ally... besides the right meds...

    not sure about the headaches, the proper meds and dosages sometimes are a trial and error method...

    i just had a thought... your doc says he knows nothing about fm, but he'll stick with you... are you sure you should stick with him... :)

    anyway,, as im sure you've heard, avoid stress as best you can, although i'm sure that's a whole lot easier said than done...

    good luck...
    [This Message was Edited on 05/01/2003]
  5. PrincessofYoga

    PrincessofYoga New Member

    I cant tell you how nice it is to get this replies. I have been so worried and scared about all of this and as you all know, it is hard to explain this to someone who has not experienced our life.

    I have been getting worse and worse with my memory. I really do need to sit down and figure out what it is that I am doing right now that is causing me to spiral like this. I went to the FM Conference in Cincinnati a few months ago and kept thinking to myself as I looked around the room, I look like I am doing so much better than most people. The funny thing is, I think I am fooling myself. I am not seeing things the way they are and I need to respect myself enough to do that. I have always been a very centered person. I need to find out where my center is now...and get there.

    My mom kept saying , Lisa, you have always had these problems. And I think to some extent she is right. So, maybe I have had this illness for much longer than I thought. She also says, along with my friends, that I am being to hard on myself. I talked to a friend who said that to me who is a nurse in an OR. I said to her(who also has FM) "Barbara, you have been a nurse for over 30 years. What would you think/feel if you go to do a procedure one day and couldnt remember what instrument to use, or what operating kit to pull out? Wouldnt that freak you out?"

    Thank you again. I need to respect myself and get it together. I have joined a health club that has a staff there that help people with muscular skeletal problems like me. It is convincing myself to go that is the problem. YOu would think that paying 82 dollars a month would have me in there every day! lol

    Oh, and my sleep has been bad lately. I have noticed that I cant get to bed before 12ish and wake up at 6. I have felt for a while that I am not sleeping well just by the way I feel. I will need to talk to my doc about that too!!!

    Thank you....Namaste to you all

    [This Message was Edited on 05/01/2003]
  6. MemoryLane

    MemoryLane Member

    Do you take B-12 shots? They are really helpful for this kind of thing. My doctor wants me take 1cc everyday, but I have to admit I have only been taking them once a week, because of the all my medicine expenses.

    A deficiency of vitamin B12 actually affects the brain and nervous system first. It results in impaired nerve function, which can cause numbness, pins-and-needles sensation or a burning feeling. It can also cause impaired mental function that mimics Alzheimer’s disease.

    You should talk to your doctor about the B-12 and make sure it's the hydroxycobalamin form of injectable B-12.

    Hope this helps,
  7. LadyDragon

    LadyDragon New Member

    I can relate to your mistake issue... I have to write down everything now, as I'm doing it, so I don't forget.... I am a special ed. teacher... and I also teach a 2 hour course after school.... Went to the doctor yesterday and had him put me on neurontin (sp??). It immediately took away about half of my pain..I became hooked instantly. I also take pain meds., and they make me forget everything some one says to me, but I feel better on them.
    Doctor I see will try anything, as long as its reputably reported (double blind studies conducted)
    Hope you begin feeling better sooon'
  8. PrincessofYoga

    PrincessofYoga New Member

    Hi lane and lady,

    Lady, I have heard of neurontin. i am so glad to hear it helps you. i am in the boat you are in with the pain pills. I always feel so much better when I have them and my doctor even admitted on Friday that I may just need to take them a little more often than we had hoped.

    he was very nice when I went to see him. Very concerned about my headaches and mental problems. he is sending me for an MRI, a psych test ( to test me for possible undiagnosed ADD, entirely possible since I had alot of problems as a kid) and took me off Elavil and replaced it with Trazadone (sp?). I am not to sure about the Traz however, since I have taken it 2 nights, the first had nightmares all night and last night took it at 8 and was up until 4am! yuck. He also wants me to try concerta, for ADD, which I may. I want to see how the other one works first.

    We go through so much with this dd. We are so strong, all of us. Thanks again!