I'm ready to stop fighting

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by petfriend, Aug 8, 2003.

  1. petfriend

    petfriend New Member

    I just can't fight anymore. It's so hard to just get out of bed in the morning and walking is too painful to do. I want to talk to my Dr. about a wheelchair because I'm basically housebound and the quality of my life is dropping by the day. Don't know how much longer this flare-up is going to last and I can't get a diagnosis from my Dr., who is now referring me to a rheumatologist and also a Ortho for my worn out knees. Of course, nagging me all the time to lose weight, (I've been working hard at it and have lost 40 lb.) and I can't do any form of exercise without causing myself extreme pain and suffering for days after, so have to rely on dieting. I think 40 lb. is pretty good for 3 months, but she doesn't seem to acknowledge that and keeps telling me to exercise. I would like her to life in my body for 24 hrs. and watch her come screaming for help. Why is it so hard for these Drs. to admit that we are telling them the truth when we are suffering? I printed off a diagnosis of symptoms for Fibro and underlined the symptoms I had and she still says the symptoms I have could be any number of illnesses. I'm not imagining this - I am suffering greatly and just want to rest. I have given notice to quit my job and don't know if I can hold out until they find someone. My husband is helping a lot, but he can only do so much. My job is a resident manager of a four building apartment complex with a pool and I'm the office administrator and work 12 hr. days and it's go, go, go, with phones, tenants, workmen, owners, etc. etc.
    Just too much for me to do and I'm just going to shut down soon and tell everyone to leave me alone so I can start working on my health.
    There, got that out of my system and now I'm going to bed for awhile.
    Thanks for having this site here to tell my stuff to people who understand.
    Hope you are having a better day than me.
  2. ekobus

    ekobus New Member

    If your doctor doesn't listen to you, maybe it is time for a new one. I have switched a few times and finally found someone who will treat me for my pain. I know it seems hard and there are many days I want to quit, too. Sometimes the only thing that gets me up some days is my 2 year old daughter. Without her I would probably be worse. Could be a good idea to see the rheumatologist, but make sure he/she does the proper tests otherwise the visit is a waste.

    Good Luck!
  3. julie4

    julie4 New Member

    Dear Petfriend

    Hello here from an English Friend. Well, I think you are doing fine actually . Getting a wheelchair is not giving up, I use a scooter outside and a wheeled frame inside. When I first started using them family and so on felt I was wrong and was giving up, NO I said rubbish, these things are just tools like any other, who would say to anybody you must make a fire by runbbing two sticks together when you can use a match or to use a large rock to bang in a nail, use a hammer its easier! I know us with FM only have a liited amount of energy so why waste yours struggling to walk to the shops when instead you can use a scooter and be independent and save energy to use on really important stufff like playing with your kids ( or your husband for that matter!). As for the weight, 40lbs is a huge achievement WELL DONE, I guess your Doc wants you to attempt exercise cos many think it helps with FM symptoms in itself, they should have made this clear. I do exercise when I can and do find it helps BUT it doesn't need to be anything vigourous to start with, get some stretching exercises from a phisio or a good book. Try and do these at least daily.l I know its not easy, I have to sleep every afternoon and gave up work 16 years ago but its all about balance in your life. I have many limitations but many great pleasures and am active in disability politics and have hobbies and time with my hubby and daughter.

    TAKE CARE, thinking of you JULIE from England
  4. DeMcKen

    DeMcKen New Member

    How long have you been seeing this doctor? If she's of the opinion that it could be 'any number of things' (and it can), has she run the appropriate tests? I began seeing a new doctor (actually a GP) in May and she ran a whole battery of tests and x-rays and had a probably diagnosis by my next appointment in June.

    But know that there are other people out there who feel as you do. I've just sent out resumes for jobs that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to do, but I need to pay the bills.

    I'm glad to hear your husband is supportive, that's a big help. I'll cross my fingers that you feel better,

  5. Nikki

    Nikki Member

    Doesn't sound like you're giving up to me. And, congratulations on the weight loss. I think that's an excellent achievement.

    If you have insurance, you might consider asking your dr. about water therapy. I started 3 weeks ago and it really has helped me. The water is 92 degrees and it's so much easier to exercise in water . . . not as hard on your joints or muscles. At 1st I didn't want to go b/c I didn't want to get my hair wet or be seen in a bathing suit (I'm 58). But, you don't get your hair wet . . . and there are only women in my session and not many at that. We're all in the same boat. Now, I don't mind at all. My instructor does not allow me to push myself beyond my limitations. Also, simple stretching exercises in the am and pm greatly improve my mobility. Sometimes when I'm at my worse, I have to get on the floor and stretch . . . it's the only thing that makes me feel better. I do them slowly and it's almost like meditation. My brain settles down, too.

    It sounds like your job is very stressful . . . like having 2 jobs. Hopefully, when you retire, it will relieve some of the stress which we know plays an active role in FM.

    The rheumy shd be able to give you an accurate dx. re: FM, and hopefully the ortho will help you re: your knees.

    Best wishes,
  6. averilpam

    averilpam New Member

    I agree that 40lb in three months is FABULOUS!!

    I also agree that using a wheelchair won't be giving up - quite the opposite, if it would mean being pretty housebound without. It doesn't mean you should never walk anywhere!!
    Your job sounds really stressful, I'm currently off sick and trying to work out a gradual return sometime soon, but I don't relish going back to full time - I'm not sure yet how well I'll manage part time on my feet all day.

    If you are reluctant to give up work altogether, maybe part time would be an option for you?

    take care, love Pam
  7. petfriend

    petfriend New Member

    Thank you Everyone:
    I'm feeling just like you said and don't want to be so limited. Shopping needs to be done, errands to be run and I just can't do them. I want to be able to be independant and so, like you said, need tools to do that.
    I've been seeing this Dr. for about 6 months and had left my previous Dr. because he was horrendous. This Dr. is, I think, just being very cautious. She is very sympathetic and kind, but I think she thinks I need a push.
    I hope to get some more definitive answers from the Rhuematologist in Sept. My GP did suggest water therapy, so I will look into that after I finish my job, which hopefully will be by the end of September, unless I'm unable to carry on. Sure can't do much today, but I'm answering the phone and taking in late rent payments and fielding calls about maintenance requests, so can manage that. My husband is showing suites for me because I can't manage that. We have 10 acres here.
    I'm 59 years old and quite happy at the prospect of retiring. It will be lots of paperwork applying for disability pension and until that comes through, I will get sickness benefits from UIC., so will be okay financially. I won't be bored at home because I plan to follow my lifelong dream of writing and illustrating children's books. I have done some already for family and friends and look forward to having the time to pursue that. I also do handicrafts and paint, so will keep busy.
    First, and foremost though, I will work on my health and after I get some rest, will get my fighting spirit back, I know.
    Your posts also helped me today and I think the rest of the day will be better.
    Thanks again and you have a wonderful day.

    [This Message was Edited on 08/08/2003]
  8. IgotYou

    IgotYou New Member

    It is awfully depressing when you have so much inside to give, and your body won't let you do it. But I just want you to know that somebody out there is praying for you and sending you a hug. You are doing so much - many people couldn't fight through it to do what you are doing. Congratulations on the weight loss! Excellent job.
  9. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    Irene I just want to congratulate you on losing 40 pounds, I wish I could do it, I am 100 pounds overweight. You go girl, you should be very proud of yourself.
    Give yourself a (gentle) pat on the back.
  10. Rosetta

    Rosetta New Member

    I have been on weight watchers for 22 weeks and have only lost 25 pounds so 40 pounds in 12 weeks is great. You dont want to loose it to fast.

    I had more luck going to the doctor when my husband could go with me and explain what the problems were. Seems like the doctor listened to him. I had a difficult time explaining what was going on and all the problems. I would forget most of the problems and my husband was able to remember and give a better explanination.
  11. tansy

    tansy New Member

    your fighting spirit at all. You've just come to the realisation, as many of us have, that you have to fight these DDs in a different way. Not head on but through trying to go with the flow, and giving our bodies every possible chance to heal.

    And as for your weight loss, wow I'm impressed.


  12. Iggy_RN

    Iggy_RN New Member

    Please get a new DOC and get to a rheummy ASAP. I get soooooooo mad when I hear about all of us going thru this CR** w/docs and trying to get them to help us. I went thru the same thing for years, but w/the help of this board, i found a new doc one who does believe me and take care of me. go to the doc referral on this board or just ask on the message board. I dont know where you live, Im from Arizona. If you live here, Ill hook you up!!!! Love and blessings, and I hope your flare eases up ASAP, Love Iggy