I'm scared

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by HeavenlyRN, Feb 12, 2010.

  1. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    This will be tough to write, and I hope I don't lose my train of thought. I'll try to write it without a bunch of unnecessary stuff. Maybe I'll just do it like this......

    * my husband was diagnosed with Cushings disease 2 years ago and had been sick for a year before that. He had to close his business - he made exquisite cabinets, mantles, etc.

    * when he first became sick I was off work following shoulder surgery, and then developed IBS. I'm sure he would not want me writing this in public, but....due to financial difficulties, we lost our home and moved into an apartment.

    * It was almost a relief when we had to move because we lo longer had to worry about home upkeep. Of course, our monthly bills were decreased, so the fact that my husband wasn't working wasn't a big deal. My job as a nurse kept us above water.

    * however, because my husband had been self-employed, he did not receive any sort of disability from his job

    * we waited quite a while to apply for Social Security Disability because we kept thinking he would get better - stupid move!

    * I was diagnosed with FM 9 1/2 years ago but have always been able to function at my job - even though I came home exhausted and used weekends to "catch-up" on sleep, etc.

    * of course my husband's application was denied the first time around and we then obtained a lawyer. In December we found out that his hearing would be February 3rd. Our attorney felt very positive. We had inundated the court with medical records. Last week we had the hearing. Believe it or not, the freakin' judge wanted more documentation and set another hearing date for March 22nd. Because my husband had been self employed for so many years, there was a question about the last time he payed into the SS system and exactly when he first became sick

    * I have been on disability since December 23rd due to excruciating back and leg pain, and the worst FM flare I have ever had.

    * Since then we have been "existing" on NYS disability payments - approximately $340 every 2 weeks. We are approximately 2 months behind on our rent payments and obviously owe just about everyone else - phone company, gas & electric, etc. We do not have credit cards, nor do we have any savings. We only have 1 car and do not have any extras such as cable TV, etc.

    * 2 days ago I received a letter from my employer stating that I had to begin paying t hem for my health insurance. The amount they want from me is almost the exact amount I receive from NYS disability.

    I am scared to death. And that's not just a figure of speech. I have had a few little "breakdowns" in the past several weeks and have told my husband that I would rather be dead. I wouldn't really do anything to myself because I love my husband and my kids too much - but sometimes I can't imagine living through this any more.

    I WANT to go back to work. I love my job. If I was working, at least we would have more money. But. most days I can't make it through the day without taking a nap. I am having trouble word-finding. My back is better but still hurts. My joints are on fire. Most days I walk like a little old lady, bent over.

    I don't expect anyone to have "the" answer. I guess I just needed to "say" this out loud to myself. Cheaper than a therapist! Thanks.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/12/2010]
  2. spacee

    spacee Member

    I think there is some kind of phone # in New York...is it 911, 611? Where they give you all
    the info on social services. You probably need to live somewhere that is assisted with the
    payments by social services, food stamps, etc. Anything that can help.

    Do you have and family or friends you can stay with until this is sorted out. You really need
    your health insurance.

    Churches too...probably swamped but might could help. Get a notebook, get the phone numbers
    and keep organized.

    I really feel for you. Could have been me when we lost our business.


  3. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    Rt now I am so extremely fried, I really don't know what to say, except to tell you I have been in some similarly scary financial situations and am only currently barely getting by, so I understand how that feels......and I will most definitely keep you in my prayers....wish I could do or say more to help, but at least I wanted to try to help you feel a little less alone....{{{{{hugs}}}}}
  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I forgot your name. Did it start w/ "J"?

    Anyway, that's really a lot of tough news for one family.

    Any food banks where you live? My sister lost her job last
    Spring. Has only been able to find occasional temp jobs since.
    Her husband is disabled. They do get some groceries from
    a food bank. (It's in Minnesota.)

    Do they have the 99 cent food store chain where you live?
    I shop there a lot now.

    Sounds like you need to search high and low for some
    assistance. Maybe you already have. If not, treat it
    like a job. Spend whatever time you can calling govt. agencies,
    churches, charities, etc.

    It makes me just furious that our govt. borrows money to give
    to failing businesses and foreign countries, but can't help the
    American citizens and taxpayers.

    Hope some good luck comes your way.

  5. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    to talk about this kind of thing, HeavenlyRN. We've either heard it before or have gone through it ourselves. We do understand.

    Spacee's right in that you will need the help of Social Services, Churches, maybe the food bank in your area, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for help. That's what these places are there for.

    I'm glad you don't have credit card debt or a mortgage at this point to worry about. It's so hard, I know to face such financial issues. How old are your children? If they are grown and on their own, have you let them know how bad things are financially?

    I agree that you really do need your health insurance. Maybe your hubby is covered under your insurance too. So, that's a real priority. It would be good if you could sit down with a good friend or a pastor and sort through your options.

    You have a good reason for being scared, HeavenlyRN. But you will make it. You'll figure out how to get through this.

    Bless your heart! I hate it when our good nurses get hit with these issues. We need you so badly. I wish you the very best. I'll be here for you.

    Warm Hugs,
  6. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    Heartfelt thank you's to all of you. I was afraid that someone might just say, "suck it up and stop whining." Which is probably what I should do! However, you all gave me good advice. Sometimes when one's brain is clouded with pain or fear, among other things, it IS hard to think outside the box.

    So again, thanks to all of you.

  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Just thought of something. Shoulda thought of it sooner, but my mind no workee
    so good anymore.

    Did you say what state you were in? New York? Well, doesn't matter.

    Go talk to a Workers' compensation attorney. You may be entitled to benefits.

    Make an appointment right away in order to avoid Statute of Limitations problems.

    I am only familiar w/ Calif. law, but here in Calif., an attorney will not charge you
    a fee until he/she gets an award for you. The amount of the fee must be approved
    by a judge and is usually 15% of the award.

    "Causation" is a matter of state law. In Calif. your disability is caused by your
    employment if the job actually causes OR aggravates your condition.

    So you have nothing to lose by investigating (except a little time and energy).

    I get a disability pension because of my job injury. Of course it's only $16 per week,
    and the state of Calif. stopped paying it because the state is broke, but still...
    it's better than a poke in the eyes by the Three Stooges.

    Please check this out. Might come to nothing, but it could be really helpful! Best
    of luck

  8. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Hi Heavenly,

    I think to break your worries down into smaller ones sometimes helps! Examples follow:

    (1) Housing - call Housing authority - for info

    (2) Info - (Spacee is right!) call 211


    (3) Food - Food banks - meals on wheels etc - all are on-line. Need more help just post here - I can help...

    (4) Utilities (i.e., gas, electric) call each one they offer assistance to those who can't pay. Its on their websites too - look on your bills.

    (5) Rent - There is an emergency rent program. Where they will pay rent and help you find housing or stay where you are - its under "homelessness prevention resources." You may have to move to subsidized housing - or find a kind family nearby - church's outreach programs often offer info on this too. Call local Diocese.

    (6) Sell stuff - ebay is cheap and may help you generate some income - not hard to do either.

    (7) Health care - there are free clinics and hospitals (state-funded or county) that have programs to help - should you lose your health insurance.

    (8) Organize - a notebook of resources will help you get control and feel much better.

    Anyway that's my approach - I research until I find help...plus it helps me feel less worried.

    God Bless,


    Also most important, PRAY. Most, if not all, of my help comes from God.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/13/2010]
  9. formysister

    formysister New Member

    I am so sorry to hear all you've been through and wanted to let you know you and your husband are in my prayers.

    Does NY have "metropolitan housing"? Or anything like it? Ohio has Metro Housing, which is a housing program that can help to pay for some or all of your rent, especially if you are disabled by either SS or other disability programs. Most landlords here are willing to take it because it's a guaranteed payment, and usually they only have to make a few adjustments to meet the standards (like adding hand rails, for instance). You may want to contact your local social services agency to see what's available, and maybe even to get a case manager who can help you walk through the system. If you qualify at least you would not have to worry about rent.

    I pray that God will give you hope & peace about the future, and favor with your landlord, health insurance/employer, and the SS judge.
  10. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    I cannot believe the wealth of information that you all have given me. For the first time in a long time I actually have some ray of hope in my crazy little life!

    Your ideas even gave me the strength to talk to my husband about food stamps. I was actually worried about talking to him about it because he is a very proud man and does not like to accept help from anyone. Funny though - when I brought it up he said, "You know, I was actually thinking about that." So who knew?!!

    There are so many good ideas listed above and I can't wait to get busy on-line checking things out.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.
  11. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Thanks you made me SMILE!

    Here's a couple more links:

    Food Stamps in NY is now called "The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)":


    This site is super helpful - for seniors AND disabled - Click on "Find Benefits Programs:"


    God Bless,

    [This Message was Edited on 02/13/2010]