I'm so alone...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by RunninCrazy, Jun 7, 2006.

  1. RunninCrazy

    RunninCrazy New Member

    I think I've screwed up big time and I'm so co-dependent that I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding my job for two weeks (yeah, I know) b/c I'm so stressed that I can't handle any more phone calls. I'm hiding at my parents' house and wondering what to do. Is there hope after you've abandoned your job? Am I the only idiot out here?! grrr And, so that I don't sound too pathetic, has anyone felt this depressed before?
  2. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    I read your post, and thought too myself, that is ME.

    I know were your comming from. I get that way alot. Just went thru it last week. Took everything to get my butt to work on Monday.

    Last week I blew off he world. Left a voice message that I wasnt coming into work, had office picinic on Saturday, and called to say I wouldnt show. Avoided my parents. I still have the ringer off and answering machine off on my phone at home.

    I hate when I get this way. And my job is the same, I answer phones all day, and have customers come into the office too see me.

    I did feel better once I did force myself to go back to work this Monday. Slowly I am getting back into society again.

    I hope you feel better soon. Just wanted you to know your not alone. And call your parents, let them know your ok. they do understand and probably are worring like mine were.

    God Bless,
    Cin
  3. usanagirl

    usanagirl New Member

    I am codependent as well and working on it. I read a daily meditation book, Language of Letting Go and Codependent No More, both by Melody Beattie...great reads that will help you start caring for yourself.

    Few situations - no matter how greatly they appear to demand it - can be bettered by us going beserk.

    Don't panic!
    If a swimmer was crossing a great lake, then suddenly focused too heavily on the distance remaining, he might start to flounder and go under - not because he couldn't swim, but because he became overwhelmed by panic.
    Panic, not the task, is the enemy.
    Many of us have moments when we feel crowded and overwhelmed. We have times when we feel like we cannot possibly accomplish all that needs to be done.
    We may be facing a task at work, an improvement in ourselves, or change in our health or in our family life.
    For a moment, it is helpful to look forward and envision the project. It is normal, when we look ahead at what needs to be done, to have moments of panic. Feel the fear, then let it go. Take our eyes off the future and the enormity of the task. If we have envisioned the goal, it will be ours. We do not have to do everything today, or at once.
    Focus on today. Focus on the belief that all is well. All we need to do to reach our goals is to focus on what presents itself naturally, and in an orderly way, to us today. We shall be empowered to accomplish, peacefully, what we need to get where we want to be tomorrow.
    Panic will stop this process. Trust and guided action will further it. Breathe deeply. Get peaceful. Trust. Act as guided, today.
    We can get back on track by treading water until we regain our composure. Once we feel peaceful, we can begin swimming again, with confidence. Keep the focus simple, on one stroke, one movement at a time. If we can make one movement, we have progressed. If we get tired, we can float - but only if we are relaxed. Before we know it, we shall reach the shore.

    Today, I will believe that all is well. I am being led, but I shall only be led one day at a time. I will focus my energy on living this day to the best of my ability. If panic arises, I will stop all activity and deal with panic as a separate issue.
  4. kimfibro

    kimfibro New Member

    i can relate to what you posted as well.

    do you take anti-anxiety or depression meds? to me, this sounds like an overload of anxiety.

    call your doctor, go in, explain. there are so many ways to get through this and your dr is the first place to go.

    i have anxiety and depression as well. i'm on xanax for anxiety and lexapro for depression. they both seem to be very helpful.

    i also see a therapist. even small things overwhelm me and i get to the point of some of what you describe in your post. but it's treatable!!

    it's okay. call your doctor. begin there. PLEASE post again to let us know how you're doing.

    and i hope you have a more peaceful day today.

    hugs,
    kim
  5. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    RunninCrazy:

    The day I stopped working I swore to myself that I would never go back. I realized I worked my last day for the rest of my life. I just thought: NO MORE of this.

    At first it was a blow to my self-esteem, but then a calm washed over me and I felt free to take care of the FM.

    It all worked out OK: hubby left me, I got a nice divorce settlement, kept the house and have all the time in the world to take care of myself.

    I wonder how some of the girls can work. I give them all of the credit in the world. I can only imagine what they are going through. I did the same thing until I crashed.

    I guess what I am saying is don't feel alone, you are not pathetic, you are not 'an idiot' and yes, maybe you are depressed.

    It is time to line up doctors and begin working on that long road to wellness (as much as is possible).

    All the luck in the world to you. You do not have to be alone.

    Hugs,
    Nyrofan
  6. onlythestrong

    onlythestrong New Member

    You have all of us! But yes I know where your coming from,there are days when I would like to bury myself in the sand.
    Only bite off as much as you can chew(my mom used to say)all the rest will be there on another day!
    Good luck and please don't ever feel your alone,I'm always here maybe not to fast some times but I'm here.
    Love,
    Mary
  7. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    will not answer the phone if someone else is at home.

    The depression is part of our illness. Are you on meds? I am and I still can get depressed.

    Hang in there. We are here for you!!

    Suzette
  8. onedaymagpie

    onedaymagpie New Member

    Hi Runnin

    I am in the same boat as you. I have been dodging work for days and today I must return. I am so nervous to go back after being such a flake, I was up all night. Yuck, I can't stand this.

    I know things will get better for you - they always do. Just try to take a day at a time.
    hugs to you
    Maggy
  9. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    First, {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know a lot about depression and I know almost as much about the work force.

    Get an urgent care appointment with your doctor today to discuss your depression and to see if he/she will write you an "excuse" from work for another week or two. You might decide later that you want this job. If not, well, there are more jobs when you're ready. Then call your boss to let him/her know that you have this paperwork. If they go along with it, have someone take it to your place of work.

    If you're at your parents' house, can I assume that your parents are there too? If so, you're not alone, you have a roof over your head, food, a place to sleep and people who love you. What's more, you have YOU and you can be your biggest advocate.

    I hope this sparks some ideas and helps you come out of the emotional spot you're in.

    More hugs,
    Marta

  10. fairydust39

    fairydust39 New Member

    Hi Runnincrazy,
    Maybe you can try "St. John's Wort" it helps me when I'm nervous. You can do a search on line if you want.It doesn't need a prescription,and it's not expensive! It worth a try.
    Hugs Shirley
  11. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    and be a lot better in a short time.

    Check out antidepressants, the books mentioned above, 12 step program like Emotions Anonymous, and this board.

    Help is available.

    As far as work, can you quit or take a leave of absence? Then decide when you feel better if you want to go back to work?
  12. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    Oh Sweetie! So sorry you're feeling this way.

    But, I am curious...is your codependency the reason for avoiding your job?

    Or are you codependent on your parents?

    A stressful job sucks! Maybe it's time for a change.
    But you definitely NEED and appointment with your doctor ASAP to deal with the depression.

    And the codependent books mentioned by Melodie Beatty are the bomb-digity (greatest). I also have a daily reader called "The Language of Letting GO" also by Melodie. I prefer it to "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

    I will pray all goes well for you.
    Take care sweetie!
  13. lenaw70

    lenaw70 New Member

    Yep...been there done that...

    Last job I stayed home and called in for a couple days. One morning my manager came to pick me up (he drove me) and I just quit right there on my porch! I felt bad cuz he was not the reason I quit, his DAD (the owner) is the reason I could NOT take anymore stress from that job!

    I quit a job a few years ago in the SAME way as you just did. I just had a melt down and couldnt deal with getting harped on about calling in sick...so I just didnt go in anymore!

    You know its funny...if ya dont go in and dont call right away, managers tell you "JUST CALL NEXT TIME!" but when you call in they either chew you out for being sick (which is BEYOND stupid) or they fire you.

    That happened to me last year...I worked my butt off for this guy and missed some days due to my health (but was NOT behind on work!) but he just out of nowhere FIRED ME! I was doing a GREAT job too! Didnt see it coming! He didnt warn me, and like I said, I was NOT behind on my duties!
  14. 1975jet

    1975jet New Member

    Please do not feel alone- I lost my job last year due to depression and panic attacks - and I became agoraphobic for a while- wouldn't answer the phone just hung with this black cloud- I cannot do the same work I did which was constantly listening to people yelling and problems... It took me being on meds and good therapy to get where I'm going now- just remember you are not alone.

    I still have bad days, and days I can't go out- but i'm trying to live in the moment-take care of yourself, get help and remember you are never alone...

    Hugs also
  15. kriket

    kriket New Member


    No, you are not crazy. I was like this when I had my nail salon. I got to where I did not want or feel up to talking to people and found myself leaving or not making it to work. I finally said "to he-- with em" Something better will work out for you. With nails, you always had to be face to face with them and in a good mood. I don't deal well around people now either, guess I got my gut full enough trying to deal with the public. Your body needs the break that you are giving it- it is ok. I have been where you are now before. You are not alone at all.

    Wakemeup- Thank you for explaining the neurotransmitter thing. I never knew that, and it totally makes perfect sense.


    Kriket


    [This Message was Edited on 06/08/2006]
  16. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    go to doctors...pshychologist or local mental community health clinic,,,,

    get doctor note ...file for disability...

    jodie
  17. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    because I wondered if someone could explain "co-dependent?" I'm researching AD's (maybe for my son) and I'm new to some of the terms used in depression. Thanks.
  18. runnincrazy.. i feel so alone at times too,and im a married woman with two grown up kids living with me.

    we feel alone because WE have this fibromyalgia,ME/chronic fatigue syndrome.not our family thank goodness.

    but the curse of this is..we suffer from it,no one can take it away,we hurt every day.and we are human after all.

    we go into ourselves quite often,even when we do all the things that the medical profession tell us to do,to better manage our illness.

    we are not god..just human beings in pain.and our need to ocassionally shut ourselves off from the rest of the world,in order to get by.is i think a inbuit safety switch that protects our body,our mental health.

    so dont fight these feelings,we are all going through them too,this is the only way we can cope and stay sane.ive never in my life felt so fed up with the feelings of...ooohh my isolation time is here..i need time alone.

    but i make the most of my ALONE TIME its just me and nothing else.i just couldnt cope with life if i didnt have time away from everything.

    i have explained to my family about how this illness affects me.they find it hard to deal with at times,and i get the feeling its them against me.but i feel too fatigued to care at times.

    love and gentle hugs ((( for runnincrazy )))

    love
    fran

    ps.. as regards hope after you,ve abandoned your job..

    sadly im not sure right now.ive had to abandon my part time job,yet again.it seems i get to working 6 weeks,then my body crashes big time.i kind of get the feeling im never going to be able to work to support myself.and yes,it hurts.
  19. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

  20. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    You are never, ever alone on this board. Everyone here has good advice.

    I used to do telephone work too and I nearly lost my mind. I would hear telephones ringing in my sleep. I would answer the phone at my home with my company's name. I began avoiding the phone altogether. Finally I had to stop working at those kind of jobs. So I completely understand what you're going through.

    I would start with my doctor and see if you can get excused from work for a while, file for disability. Work through your codependency issues with a therapist. Then maybe try Dept. of Vocational Rehab to see what else you would like to do.

    Most of all, stay connected. Come here and vent anytime. We all support one another.

    (((((((Hugs)))))) to you,
    Michelle