I'm so sad today.....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Kacjac, Feb 21, 2006.

  1. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    I haven't been out of the house since Valentines Day!
    I didn't wash my hair or changed clothes for days, this all started on the 15th, when I was pretty much bedridden for two days. The 15th & 16th. I finally cleaned up, I can't belive that I did that!
    This is not like me at all, I don't think its so much depression, I don't know, but I know I haven't seen sunshine in a week, and will not see it for another week! :(
    I wake up everyday with more pain, if I take pain meds, I will sleep, and let the world go by. It been about 30 degrees all week, its finally up to 45, I don't do well in extreme temps either way.
    And I also have a 24/7 caretaking job, to take in too consideration. So sometimes I just deal with it! Motrin doesn't help this pain, I can't hardly lift my R arm because of my shoulder, my Ortho is sending me to a Neurosurgeon for cervical discs problems, but what he did say, about my exrays was I had spurs, if they don't get removed I'll never get out of pain, but he tells me he thinks my pain, is from my discs.
    I'm just so tired of living in pain, this is not a normal life to live. I'm usally more upbeat,than sounding pitiful!
    My housekeeper is here right now, and I almost get embarrased, thats she is cleaning, and I'm sitting here on my butt. But she does such a great job, I always make sure she know what a jewel, she is to me.
    Well, I feel like I'm rambling now.
    Thank you my fibro family for just giving me a listening ear....
    Big hugz, and stay warm.....Karen
    May the rest of your life be, the best of your life....
  2. lauralea443

    lauralea443 New Member

    you are feeling so down Karen, do you take care of a family member or is this a job for a non-relative.

    If it's a non-relative ask yourself if you are able to do this job. I know it takes a lot of energy to care for someone, I use to be in the business of placing caregivers and I am still my moms part-time caregiver.

    Please listen to your doc and take care of yourself, forget about the embarrasment, you need to think about yourself and feeling better.

    Take care
    Laura
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    BACK IN THE 40's. Contained the line "Life gets tejious, don't it."

    Wish we could give you more than a sympathetic ear. Are you taking any antidepressants? They don't cure, but they help me a lot.
  4. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Laura- Yes, it is a non-relative....
    Rockgor- Yes, Im on anti-depressants....
    Msmoody, Im on 75mg. of Zoloft, So I do know I have depression, I have had for about 19 years, but i can tell when I am, and this just didn't seem like one of those times.
    If anything is depressing, it's not feeling like I will ever fit in to this "fibro family" ya'll have here, I wish I could belong somewhere in cyberspace, but maybe it is not to be so. I try and answer, when people are sad, in pain, family trouble's etc. But do not get to reply to as many as I'd like too.
    But to come back in here, and knowing how down I was, to find three replies.
    Well, I guess all I can say is Thank You three caring people for reaching out too me. I really needed someone to talk too!
    ~ Karen
  5. bettydroop

    bettydroop New Member

    Hi, I am doing the same exact thing. I havent gone anywhere at all, dont have the energy reserves or pain relief to go. I cant stand the cold, either. Its terrible. I will sleep all day and my husbands about had it. he used to understand, I dont think he does anymore. He walks around like hes pissed at me all the time. Makes comments all the time that hurt my feelings. I am ashamed that I do these things and I wish I would feel understood by him- It would really help.
    Well I wont get into it cause, I like you, will post here and get no replys and I am just to tired to post a long post and get nothing so I understand you there. Been there done that.
    I understand you~~~~~~~~~TAke care from a Karen too~
  6. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Thanks for replying, we already have some things in common.
    My husband, son, and I all have appts. tomorrow, I talk to him about how bad I've been feeling, because he's been gone, and I really didn't have the chance, I told, i'm not sure how I'll feel in the morning, so he says, "well why are we even planning out the day tomorrow?"
    Its 4am, and I'm still up nauseated!
    So he say's "I guess we should just find out how, you'll feel in the morning, I may have to do all the errands, or maybe you'll just have to tell yourself, I've got to get up and go do this, and do it" You can imagine the look I gave him! He sometimes says hurtful things too, but says he understands!
    Anyway, I told him "Ya know, I wish it were that simple" " Did you not just have to bring me my meals in the bed, on the 15th & 16th?" " Did I not stay in bed for two days?"
    "I wish it were that simple!"
    Geez......"MEN"
    As for as this board......well it's been very helpful, and there's a lot of sweet people here.....
    It just gets lonely here, when know one notices you, and it's the very people you need to understand!
    I promise you, I will keep and extra watch for your posts from now on!
    P.S. We can come in here and talk about our men okay?
    :) Hugz,Karen
  7. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Thanks for coming back, it is very hard on us, when they pretend to understand, but then give us all sorts of remarks.
    One morning about 6 months ago, I had to have his help out of bed, I crawled back into bed, after using the BR, He knew I needed to get up with my lady I take care of, looks me dead square in the eye, and says "I will not be taken advantage of today, just because Im off" (work)
    I cried for two days, I was so hurt!
    But I have to add, he'd doing better, he's a great breakfast maker, and has recently made her & I both breakfast, and has let me sleep in, so does my sweet boy, well not a boy to much longer, but will be to me! He turns, 19 on Mar.3rd!
    But as for as hubby goes, we have good days & bad!
    I've bought a fibro book, said he would read it....he hasn't <rolleyes> maybe he will someday soon.
    When I hog tie him down! LOL

    [This Message was Edited on 02/22/2006]
  8. bettydroop

    bettydroop New Member

    Hey, And I will do the same!

    Husband works the SWING shift. Or maybe I should call it the sh** shift. Things have jsut gotten worse because of it. We hardly see each other and he gets mad because when he has time in the Am I am sleeping and he says its because I dont wanna see him. Which is NOT true, I am just so tired. I could easily sleep 12 hrs. He doesnt seem to want to pay attention to me when he gets home so I guess it evens out in the end.

    What really gets to me are the snide comments he makes,they ar eso mean sometimes.
    Of course he says "heck I am tired all the time too, but I gotta keep this house going cause no one else will!" No know you have probably heard it too.

    I found out he has been "talking to someone" on the internet. I asked if he wanted to be with her, he said no, she has diabetes... and hes had his fill of being with someone sick all the time! Aint that the KICKER>

    I feel lonely too, and I dont feel like I deserve that one bit. I am not mean to him , I am not a nag, (this all he says too, not just tooting my own horn here lol) I am not a screaming looney, I am not a quiet looney, I just dont feel good most of the time and cant HELP it. He truely truel doesnt get it, like alot of people, I guess.

    You said it was 4 o clock when you last posted, its going on 3 oclock here, so you must be farther east than me.
    Anyway... did you ever get some sleep? I hope so, I may be up all night cause I have to take him to the dentist to have major dental work and I wont be able to sleep cause I am up all night and sleep durin most of the day.

    Hope you are feeling better~~~ Sweet dreams Zz ZZZZZ ~Karen
  9. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Well I missed my massage appt. today, slept right through it! Didn't go to sleep till almost 6 am!
    I'll be back here tonight.
    Not so sad today, but argruing with you know who!
    Im going to lay back down now, see you laters.....
    Hope you all are having a good day!
    ~Karen
  10. adberens

    adberens New Member

    Hi Karen,

    I have CFS but I have been where you are. I remember being so sick that I could barely get out of bed to use the bathroom. I remember one of the nice things my hubby did for me was paint and wallpaper the walls of the bedroom because I could not stand to stare at the white walls any more. The depression was awful but then who could be anything but depressed when the pain is so bad and the fatigue leaves you so exhausted that everything in life seems to be insurmountable. On top of that sleep seems to be impossible. Put that all together and then try to put on a happy face. I ended up in the hospital.

    The good news is that for me is that after therapy, medication and just plain time I have gotten somewhat better. I still spend about 16 hours a day in bed but when I am up I can function. Cymbalta has nearly completely helped with the pain. The fatigue still rules my life most of the time but not all. I do volunteer work at school, shop, cook and have lunch with friends. This may not sound like a lot but it is massive from where I was.

    Hang in there,
  11. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    I know you may not want to and believe me I have been there several times this week...but get up and take you a shower put on clean clothes,brush your hair and teeth and go sit up for awhile and watch some tv...if you can.

    SOmetimes I think there is just no way I can get in that shower or sometimes I just don't want to cause I feel so bad and depressed. But it will make you feel good.

    Wash your bed sheet.I love the feel of crisp fresh sheets.I hate washing and fixing the bed but I keep thinking of the reward when I crawl in bed in that soothing feeling.

    I also am really into candles and smells.I light candles all the time just for the soothing affect.I love some scents mostly floral.

    Maybe some of these ideas will help boost you a little.

    I hope you can get to feeling better soon.I know how bad you feel and it is an awful place to be in.Heres a gentle hug......{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    Take care of yor self,
    Sheila
  12. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    adberens.....Gosh that was sweet of your husband, to make your room brighter for you, I can really tell you understand!
    Thanks so very much....

    Sheila......Your posts almost brought tears to my eyes, thanks for taking time to post to me.....it felt like a big cyber hug....

    I have gotten some bad family news but Im trying to hang in there, I pulled a back muscle, awhile ago, and I am starting to have palpatations, and diarrhea, so Im sure its stress.
    Im going to take a very hot soaking bath tonight.
    Take care,Big Hugz, Karen
  13. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    i HAVE FOUND IT REALLY HELPS TO REPLACE ALL YOUR LIGHTBULBS WITHE THE DAYLIGHT ENERGY SAVING LIGHTBULBS, that they now make. Youi can leave them on. Weird as then the whole house looks as if it is sunlit. It works well to lift the mood, but it takes getting used to. I think it does wonders for SAD, which is what you may have, instead of just the light box. I agree you may have some depression from the pain.

    I am a but grog myself from tests today, so will just give you a hug and pray those docs get this sorted.

    Love Anne C
  14. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    I have thought for a long time that I had SAD , I really do need to get those special lights, I'm sure they'll help.
    I try real hard to keep my linens changed, I can't always get the help I need though, I guess thats one more thing I could add to my housekeepers list, bless her heart she does so much already!
    My King size bed is very big and wears me out to pull off everything, and change sheets, blanket, and big quilt, my shoulders couldn't take it, even if I try to go very slow.
    I use to have flares, with these shoulders, now the pain is 24/7!
    Im sorry if I sound whiney, I'm more frustrated than anything, that I cannot do these simply things, that I have done all my life....
  15. bettydroop

    bettydroop New Member

    Hey Karen, Hows it? Just checking in to see how ya are and how your day went.

    Didnt have prob with my hubby today as I had to take him for heavy duty dental appt where they do everythign all in one day! He was there from 8 30 to about 5 pm. They gave him sedation and all so he was too groggy to be a butt today. LOL> I think you said you and you rs werent on the warm and fuzzy too much today huh? I am sorry. I wish I could help.

    Didnt get on internet today, and now its about 1 am. I gotta get up and do stuff right now. Slept all day while he was being worked on. at least he didnt mention anything about THAT today.

    ALl my best~~~~~~~~~ Karen
  16. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    They're good tears! :)
    Julia, how sweet are you?
    You came in just in time, I've had a rough day, but you just brightened it! Even at 4 in the morning! LOL
    Yes, we do have boy's that are sick, but you forgot and important fact.....they both have the same name, how cool is that?
    I will definitly getting back with you.....
    thanks a million....

    * Karen, you won't belive this, hubby can back home in a better mood, I went and took a epsom & perioxide bath, well that went great, felt more relaxed, got in bed around 11pm, me and hubby (on much better terms now) got the munchies, I fixed us something, we watched T.V. in bed, all is going well right? Not!
    He falls asleep....I get sleepy....I turn off T.V..... I look at catalogs ( because I'm thinking of redecorating)
    I get really sleepy.....I turn off lamp.... "HE" starts up ( rattling window's ) I'm sure you heard him didn't you? LOL
    He is snoring louder than he has in awhile....I start getting nauseated just like I did last night, but I still tried to go to sleep......nope, got up at 3am, it is now 5am
    I have to go to ENT Dr.today , and go pick out my new appliances. Guess who just woke up?
    Snory.... (one of the seven dwarfs)LOL He is going to work in his shop, he has orders to get out (side job)
    For his regular job, he use to getting up every morning at 3:30am so its not bothering him!
    So anyway, to make a verrrrry long story, short, He just said he is gonna let me sleep, and will go to shop & Dr. later in the day, it's been 10 days since I've seen outdoors,(wow).... my little lady I take care of, is going to a sitter, I finally get out! Yeah, me!!!!!
    And it will be fun ordering my new appliances, so I hope its a good day!
    I'm headed to bed, after, I take something for this upset stomach. Hubby is being nice......
    Thank You Lord.....
    I will see ya'll tonight!

    * Msmoody, I hope your feeling better hun, take care of yourself!
    Luv ya'll, Karen[This Message was Edited on 02/23/2006]
  17. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    tHE LIGHTS ARE not the really expensive ones either. You know the spiral energy savers you buy in packs of four or six, well about two months ago, they started making them as daylight spectum too. They cost about $10 for four at Lowes. As they will save a bunch in electric, you can leave them on all the time you are awake, plus they will last years.

    Good luck. I will tell you it looks so funny when you first use them all over the house, as the light is so different, it relaly looks as if sun is streaming in and you have no light on. It takes a while to appreciate them a at first you sort of miss that yellow light. Also I can read without my glasses in the spectrum light. Make sure it says daylight style on the pack. Love AC

    Also, if you get sheets that are not elasticated, flat ones, they make the bed making a ton easier, try them istead.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/23/2006]
  18. bettydroop

    bettydroop New Member

    So DO tell!! You were getting appliences today... You mean like a stove and stuff? Ahh nice stuff, if so. Sounds great - you gotta tell us... what did you get today????

    Hope you had fun , now you go right now and put those feet up now K???? I hope you paced yourself.

    Have a good one. Karen
  19. bettydroop

    bettydroop New Member

    heloooooo are you out there???? And how are you doing?? Im just checkin' in on ya. **(smile)**

    Did you get some good stuff today? I hope you felt good enough to go.

    Karen