I'm SO SO TIRED OF LOOKING

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by suzetal, Aug 12, 2005.

  1. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I'm so tired of looking and searching for answers.
    I want MY LIFE BACK.I want to work again, clean my house ,ride a bike .Most important of all to be able to pick up and hold my grand baby's. I miss that so much...
    I want to be able to cuddle with my husband without pain.I want my friends back....Not their fault .I just dont feel well when they call me. I cut it short,now not any more calls. I guess they got tired of it.
    I WANT IT BACK.......
    Sorry all having a bad day today.I'm going downhill do not know why. Need to call my Doctor Bbl
    Sue
  2. nina2

    nina2 New Member

    I read "I want my life back" and the tears began to fill my eyes.

    I awoke this morning with the same words going through my mind.

    Picked up the newspaper and read about a major event that will be taking place not to far from here and remembered those days when I attended.

    The walking and hiking and all envolved with the event.

    We do grieve our loses and miss our lives , but it somehow really touches a heart to see it put out through an others feelings.

    So sorry for you......so sorry for all of us.
    (((hugs)))
    nina
  3. nina2

    nina2 New Member

    for sue..........
  4. patches25

    patches25 New Member

    Suzetal,

    I understand so completely what this is like. For over 40 years I have gone to bed thinking "tomorrow I will feel better and be able to do this or that". It is very hard to live this way. It really blows our self-esteem to be knocked for a loop every day.

    Some people may even say I have had a life because of what I have been able to accomplish but I don't feel like it. Every day is a challenge and it has only gotten worse over the years.

    I have 2 adorable granddaughter who live only 16 miles from me and I rarely see them. I am afraid that this could be contagious and I would not want them to endure what I am enduring.

    I don't find doctor's very helpful so I keep trying to handle this with OTC, vitamins, herbs, etc. The more I read about Lyme type diseases and mycoplasmas,the more I wonder if that could be a cause. One thing I know for sure, it is not all in our heads. We all basically have the same symptoms across the many continents.

    I want to encourage you to keep hoping. Once that is gone we have lost. So keep your spirits up. Find something that will bring some pleasure into your life. My sister-in-law who has this too, got a long haired chihauhau (sp) and dotes on that now that she doesn't leave the house much. I think it really helped her depressed state. I am sending you a hug and hoping your day is going better soon. E.
  5. Francey54

    Francey54 New Member

    Dear Sue:

    Oh honey I know how you feel. I have had days that all I do is cry and say the same thing. We all want our lives back. We all want good health. So what do we do? We pray and never lose hope. Hope is all we have. Hope that our family and friends who do not understand, someday will. Hope that the physical and mental pain we suffer will someday go away. Hope that we can once again do the things we loved to do someday. And the biggest hope yet... Hope the doctors will find a cure, someday.....

    I will be praying for you Sue and know that you have my support.

    May God Bless you.

    Many hugs,
    Francey
  6. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I am usually strong but when a bad flare comes over me I cant help but cry.

    Remember that whilst many of us go downhill, we go uphill eventually too. Swings and roundabouts. I always keep that in mind when I'm in bed or lying on the couch, next week I might get out for awhile, I might even feel better for a few months. It happens.

    Hope you feel better soon

    love
    Rosie
  7. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    Thank you so much .I don't know what I would do if I did not have this board.I'm a little better now .My doctor helps me so so much.
    THANK YOU FOR CARING
    Sue
  8. nanswajo

    nanswajo New Member

    Me too, Sue.

    I hold on and maintain and keep going and try to find something to help, but nothing really does. I think back to what I used to be able to do. I dream about all that I want to do. I feel like I am stuck in a bad dream sometimes--the kind where you are trying to cry out for help and run but your body won't work.

    I am sure that the stress I feel from the pain adds to the pain. I hold my shoulders so tight in response to trying to get around that it creates more pain.

    I do have good days--relatively speaking. And my husband is a doll about it all. I worry that one day he will start thinking, "Is this ever going to end?"

    I have nightmares every night about this disease: not being able to remember or not being able to get around well.

    On the up side, I have sooo much more compassion for others than I ever did before--and I had a lot before. But, I see people differently. A few days ago I was at a farm market and a man was there with two children--each strapped in wheelchairs and I thought: "Wow' I don't have a problem." That sobered me up for a few hours.

    But it is all relative isn't it. We hurt, we can't think straight, we feel trapped. I wonder what things I would have accomplished in my life by now if FMS wasn't a part of me.

    I, too, can't do things with my grandchildren that I wish I could. Every time I see them I have to remind them to be careful with me because I have some problems.

    I still keep thinking that some day this will go away like a long bad flu finally goes away. I get so weary just coping and on and on and on every day.

    Oh my. I'm sorry. This probably doesn't help you feel any better, but if you are like me I find it helps some to know am not alone in how I feel!

    I hope your day was better as it went along and that things will improve some soon.

    Hugs to you, Nancy
  9. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    The way I explained it (and I got the idea from this board) is "my world is getting smaller and smaller--work, grocery store, home". That's it.
    I use to hike in southwest Texas - Big Bend, Pinto Canyon, the Franklin Mtns., the Guadelupes, New Mexico, Arizona and Mexico with my geology group.
    At home I walked five miles a day. I painted the inside of three houses. I did all the yard work and loved it.
    I've been to England twice, up and down the coast of California, Washington, Nevada, Utah, Idaho, the Dakotas, British Columbia and Florida. I still have family in England and I'm afraid I'll never see them again.
    My world has shrunk down to a very small area.
  10. darude

    darude New Member

    I agree getting smaller and smaller. Me trips to docs and grocery stores. I walk every day for an hour but the way my legs are going I don't think ofr much longer. Personally I CAN"T look back its too darn painful. Had a great life so I just look forward and do what i can whole I still can.
  11. Kourysgranny

    Kourysgranny New Member

    You are definitely not alone. We understand. My life has bacome such a bubble that I have to STRUGGLE not to become very depressed. My husband is wonderful at understanding that I am in pain ALL the time and that I do the best I can, but things are different. No need to go into details, but you can get my drift. Boy do I want my life back.

    Granny
  12. icare

    icare New Member

    Dont ever give up..just take a break..There will be a time when you will except what you have..It took me 8 yrs, too appreciate what i still can do.
    Searching for answers can be frustrating and confusing.
    If i was too do it over again from the start, i would keep better records of what medication and Vitamines i tryed also therapy.
    The important thing is get the pain under " somewhat control.
    I doubt too many here are pain free.
    MY heating pad has became apart of me.It helps defer the pain.
    I miss the past terrible but try and think about the future more than the past.
    Rick
  13. linkjendal

    linkjendal New Member

    Guaifenesin changed my life in just two months. It is not a difficult or expensive therapy. If you haven't tried it you should consider it. Get the Dr. St. Armand book from the library "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Fibromyalgia" and commit to the protocol for a few months.
    You really have to commit and get rid of salicylates for the Guai to work but it does work.

    I wish you well.