I'm so sorry to be like this - but I do need your prayers

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Milo83, Oct 19, 2004.

  1. Milo83

    Milo83 New Member


    **THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE LONG - SO STOP RIGHT NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT INTO READING A LONG POST** (I will understand, believe me, I will)

    I really feel like I'm heading for a complete mental breakdown !! I try my best to be positive, and come to the board(s) and make silly comments and all - BUT IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING ANYMORE!!!

    Most of you, know of my life right now, a Mother in a NH dying, a husband who lost his job out of the clear blue back in July, only to take another job, just for the sake of having a job - the pay stinks, NO MEDICAL benefits - yes they told him there would be medical after 400hrs, but that has to fall in a certain time frame (Sept. 30), well needless to say, he did not make 400hrs by Sept. 30, so now we start all over...And with winter coming, lay-offs are coming too - so he would have to get another 400hrs from Oct. 1 thru March 31 (which is almost impossible) to get Medical Coverage by JULY 2005....

    Yes, I have Fibro, Systemic Scleroderma w/CREST, Autoimmune Hepatitis, Anxiety/Depression/Panic Disorder to name a few - and all the things that go with it... Yes, I'm on SSD, and receive Medicare, but they only cover 80% and when it comes to my "shrink" and "therapist" they will only consider 50% of the bill, so then you get 80% of the 50% paid - THAT'S IT!!!

    I have applied to pharm. co. to try to help me for a few months, so I can get my RX Meds, but still have not heard from them - some doctors tell me, it often takes up to 2months...I can't even see my Therapist now because of what it would cost me...I was just to my "shrink" two weeks ago, I always saw him every three months for a med check, when he found out I only had Medicare, he made it closer to five months...I asked for samples, he gave me a lousy 3 weeks worth, YES, I KNOW BETTER THAN NOTHING!! Everything is just getting to me and I feel like I'm gonna totally loose it - but NO, can't do that - who would pay the hospital bill - they would surely take my house!!!

    Whenever I see my Mom, I come home mentally exhausted, which used to pass by the next day - NOT ANYMORE...She is so weak, and so confused...When she is awake enough, she wants me - she just had her roomates daughter call here - Mom says, "come pick me up" - they told me I have to leave here...Now I know this is not true, but it just makes my anxiety worse - there is no reasoning with a dementia patient - they will not understand, or if they do for a moment, it's all gone within a matter of 5minutes if that...

    NH Staff all knows she is only allowed ONE PHONE call a day to my home - so now she will get an aide to call me later, and ask where I am or even get the roomates daughter to call again - I have even told the roomates daughter that I wasn't trying to be nasty, but she couldn't keep calling my house for my Mother - she should be telling the aides/nurses so they can handle Mom...

    When I say one phone call a day, it's because awhile back before she got worse physically, she would grab a different aide/nurse whoever to call my home up to 5 times a day - IS ANYONE UNDERSTANDING THIS!!!
    I love my Mother dearly, and want her comfortable, and only the best for her - BUT THIS WHOLE THING IS DESTROYING MY MENTAL STATUS...I am so afraid, that I will have an actual nervous breakdown...

    It's just way too much on my plate at one time...
    When is it all going to end...PLEASE MY FRIENDS, PRAY FOR ME - I'm actually getting scared - scared of having a total mental breakdown...
    I don't want to eat...I can't focus on anything to get anything done...Nothing really interests me...My head is just spinning anymore...I either can't sleep or want to sleep all the time to escape...

    I'm so sorry for going on so much - but I REALLY DO NEED PRAYERS AND LOTS OF THEM...
    How in the world, am I going to make it all through this...
    The Lord has to help me and soon!!!

    Thank You.....God Bless each and everyone of you!!!
    Take Care........Love, Donna
    -----------------------------------------------------------
  2. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    I'm like you in that stress really does a number on me. I've had to learn little tricks to "fool myself" into feeling better. I walk around with a walkman strapped to me, listening to some of my favorite CDs that make me feel better. I like wearing headphones because I drown out everything around me. I prefer upbeat, strong beats that will make me feel so much better that I'm actually dancing around the house. Anything that does it for you.

    As to your Mom, we all know you love her and what you've been through. I think if it were me I would write a note and tape it near her phone so that you wouldn't be getting calls from unknowing people, trying to help. If you end up in the hospital, then what????

    When you are having anxiety attacks, do you find that you're only doing "shallow breathing"? I think that may be a problem with me and have to force myself to take deeper breaths.

    Your lack of appetite and not wanting to do anything is a classic sign of depression, which I'm sure you know. You have to work on bringing yourself up out of this.

    Donna, you've written in the past about your Mom when you were young. Do you realize you are still letting her control you? I hope you think about this and start taking care of yourself first. There is nothing you can do for her. The NH takes good care of her.

    I'm going to pray for you daily. That's a promise. Take care of yourself and let us know how things are going.
  3. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    SO sorry to hear your going through so much. I think it is so hard on us when we are sick ourselves and have a loved one sick or dependent on us.

    Try to do a little meditation if you can. I sit down on the floor with my eyes closed and repeat calming words to myself. It does calm a person down and get rid of some of the stress and anxiety.

    Will be sending thoughts and prayers. God bless,
    Sandy
  4. patchmama

    patchmama New Member

    Don't do it. Don't have a breakdown. I know you have earned it and you deserve it but don't do it.

    I have followed your story on the Alzheimer board. I can't believe your mom is still alive. It is so stressful I know.

    I had a series of bad things happen beginning in 1985. I knew I could not handle it if it lasted a long time. I told the Lord so. Well it did last a long time and I did have a breakdown.

    I don't want that to happen to you. I don't know what to tell you like some of the others do. Like meditation and stuff. My pastor told me to get on my knees and stay there till it got right. Well it took 7 years. I could not stay on my knees that long.

    I struggled the whole time with depression, anxiety attacks, etc. I knew the whole time it would take God to get me through it. And finally He did deliver me. It was a clear deliverance. I didn't do anything except search for God. I went to any meeting I found on depression. I read the book Dealing with Depression. That helped a lot. I had people praying for me. I was led to do a study on Job. It did a lot of good. God gave me insight from that study. I had so many negative thoughts. I thought it was so bad I could not be saved. But He showed me people in the Bible who were depressed and I knew they were forgiven.

    Just don't give up. Go to the doctor when you can. Keep trying to get help. You will find a way.

    I pray for your mom to find peace and rest in our Lord very soon.

    I know you love her and have done all you can for her.

    May the Lord bless you and Keep you and give you Peace right now in the name of Jesus.
    Amen

    Eunice
  5. cinnabarsib

    cinnabarsib New Member

    and not many ideas on what to do...my Mom is NHome now with Alzheimers and physical illnesses~in Fla. (I`m in N.C.)~many yrs. I took on everyting for all in my family~I can`t now~nor can you. Others must take on for us now~I`ve had the break, and I can feel your anguish! Can only say I have been (& still am) on this journey along with you and I care with all the love in my heart for where you are now. I will offer my prayers for you & Mom & DH and hope for great peace to surround you~hope & many blessings to you dear one~~~~~Sib
  6. mjgkennedy

    mjgkennedy New Member

    Hi Donna I know what you are going through. My Mother died last week and all her life and I dont want to speak ill of the dead she controlled us.

    We were always at her beck and call and I used to go home after a vist a wreck.

    Take care of yourself and pray to God to help you.

    I will pray for you as well as everyone else here.

    God Bless,
    Mary
  7. Freedom1

    Freedom1 New Member

    Donna, I am praying for you realizing that you do have a full plate and a lot of concerns that we are bringing to God. I know how difficult it is to have a loved one in a NH and I can identify with staff and families alike. She is being well taken care of but you have concerns that I pray God remedies immediately. Your peace of mind is of utmost importance to maintain your well-being. I pray that you will be blessed financially and that all your meds and necessary treatments can be obtained. You did the right thing bringing this to the attention of the wonderful and prayerful people on this board. I, too, am going through many challenges and their prayers are a treasure and blessing to my soul. God in, Jesus name, Grant Donna peace, abundance, healing, favor and mercy in her family, personal and business affairs. We take authority on utilizing Your word that You will provide. For my God will supply all our needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
  8. MusicTeacher

    MusicTeacher New Member

    I am so sorry to hear of your situation. Try to just take one day at a time as it comes, even one minute, one hour. You can only be who you are with the resources you can muster. (If you can't cope at a point in the day, take the phone off the hook for a while if you can. You need that space - if you are going to win above all this, you must have the time you need for you and nobody else, though I know that's all too easy to say and all too hard to do.)

    I pray that God will give you his strength and energy and also his peace - indeed I pray now for peace in big, big spoonfuls to be heaped upon you. I pray that you will be able to rest to restore that weary mind and body and I pray for your other family members too, that you will draw mutual strength and support from each other. I also pray that you will be able to put down any guilt you may feel or be carrying too.

    I will continue to uphold you in prayer and hold out a hand across the Atlantic to you.

    Love, hugs and prayers
    Music Teacher (UK)
  9. tandy

    tandy New Member


    I just read your post and just "really understand".
    I'm afraid I don't have any answers or suggestions.

    The mental part of all your dealing with right now is overwhelming!!
    Please know that you'll be in my thoughts for strength
    and prayers for your well being.
    We all really care about you Donna~
    Things will work out in the end~ have faith

    Blessings
    Tandy
  10. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Dearest Donna,

    Oh how I can relate to everything you
    are going through especially with
    your Mom..My heart goes out to you and how I wish I had words of wisdom
    and some advice but all I can say is
    I can feel what is happening to you..

    First of all you will not break because you are to strong..There were
    so many days I knew I was completely
    gone but somehow managed to survive.

    Have you tried for SSI? So you can
    get medicaid for your doctors and
    medicine..because you do not need to
    be without the meds at this time if
    anything they may need to be increased as I had to with mine..

    Or go for help through a local church for your meds..

    I thought once God called for my Mom
    some of the stress would be gone and I would improve..I did ok through the
    funeral etc..but now I am a basket case with this horrible anxiety and
    agoraphobia etc...I guess its the money issues now. With me guess I have never learned how to control the
    stresses life has given me.

    I have thought so much about you and I will certainly pray for you...I know no matter how horrible you feel
    now you will get through this..So keep fighting .

    Please keep posting on how you are doing...

    Love and Prayers,
    Phyllis (greatgran)