Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Achyten, Nov 4, 2006.

  1. Achyten

    Achyten New Member

    It's almost 10 pm, I'm feeling so alone,and I"m not alone.
    I have 2 daughters and a son that are married,but live close to me,not one of them have ever been concerned about me, or how I feel. Todd, our son, never calls me,,my one daughter who is just 15 minutes away, never comes to visit me,,, or call me, unless I beg her to stop in even for a few minutes. My other daughter lives 3 hrs from me, calls me maybe once a month.
    I"ve had fibro and other related illnesses for 25 years, and don't know how I"ve managed to live.
    My mother is not supportive either,, no one understands me at all or tries to.
    I have a sister who never calls me either, only see her at weddings or funerals. I have emailed her, with no response.
    Somehow, I"ve managed to cope all alone this long,but there are times that I feel I have no one. Then I found this site, don't know how really, maybe I was lead here by God.
    If I wrote all I"ve been through, I could write a book.
    From being sexually abused as a child, to being abused in my marriage, to the abuse I go through now.
    I really need you guys,more than you'll ever know.
    Whenever I hear a door slam outside, I go running to the window, hoping that I"ll see one of my kids stopping in to see me,, but I"m tired now,, so I don't go to the window anymore.

    I just had to vent, thankyou for listening......

    God Bless,, Achyten
  2. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Welcome to the board. I have been here over 3 years. I was just talking to my uncle tonight. He has three daughters and the only time he hears from them is when they need to borrow money, or need something.

    It is not right, but sadly very common. I am sorry your kids treat you like that. One day, they may wake up a realize.

    If I were you, try to reach out and make friends with people outside your family. I know it is a challenge when you are sick but you might be able to think of some people in your life, good people, who would be good friends if you reach out.

    That is exactly what I have done. I admit, it is hard finding genuine, good people. Just keep your eyes open and yes pray.

    I have actually reached out to my maternal aunt, and paternal uncle in the past months. We have become very close and I am happier for it. I talk to my uncle every day now. He is 78 but looks 58. He is the one who is so hurt over how his three daughters have treated him. Over the years he has done everything for them. Helped them buy houses, property, cars, appliances, medical care, etc.

    No one has even called him in over a month and one son-in-law smarted off to him at the time. Long story...

    My aunt is so sweet and has been through alot the past years. I am glad I reached out the them.

    People can be so selfish. I am sorry for all you have been through. Please come here often.

    Take care
  3. Goldyfm

    Goldyfm New Member

    I know how my health can make me feel so isolated at times. I have been by myself almost 9 years now and other than my constant 4 legged friend, I feel alone at times. But I think I would feel alone in a room full of people, as I am not that sociable anymore. I try to remember back to the age of my children and recall the hustle and bustle of my daily routine back then. I guess I could long for that time once more, but to tell you the truth, I enjoy knowing that I don't have to get up and get myself and three others off for the day. I know that I could never stand the rigor of that routine now. I try to think of those days that I never seemed to have a moment to myself, and how stressful it was working and being mom, chaffeur, nurse, maid, and housewife.

    I know what you mean about your feelings. I may be a little sad at times, but I know that my children are busy making their family's hopes and dreams now. I love them just the same.

    I don't get to see mine as much as I would like at times, but I feel good knowing that they are making their own way now and that I am partly responsible for that in some small way.

  4. nerdieduckie

    nerdieduckie New Member

    I'm sorry I don't have much advice or life experience, but I have been told I'm good at giving hugs :)


    I hope that was able to help you some. I know it's not the same as having family around you. Maybe one of these days they'll come around.
  5. kriket

    kriket New Member

    Hate that you are feeling so down and alone. Just know that we are all here for you here on the support board. Someone is always here when you need to talk to someone.

  6. monicaz49

    monicaz49 New Member

    I totally understand your feelings. I had to STOP counting on people to pull through for me cause it only set ME up for disappointment. Try not to do that to yourself. God made you VERY strong...although you may feel weak...that is how you have coped.
    You may be suprised to find that one day your life and health may take a turn for the better. You will wake up with the sunshine from that very window you run to and things will seem just a bit better.
    I have learned from experience that sometimes God makes us travel through long lonely valleys before he allows us to reach the peaks.
    Hang in there. WE are here for you. It is a very supportive group here and has helped me very much.

    Where are you located/what State????
    If you ever just wanna talk...im available! Im a single parent and sick myself...but when i have my good days I can be a good friend!
    [email address removed as per rules] DONT hesitate. Even if its just to vent..or to talk about a TV show. lol :)
    (that actually goes for anyone)

  7. Susi-di

    Susi-di New Member

    Sorry you are feeling lonely and abandoned by your family. Just a friendly thought... that maybe you should reach out and contact them instead of waiting for them to come to you. Sometimes thats the way it works, and it's better than being lonely. :eek:) Have you tried getting some counseling to work through the things that have happened to you? I hope that you can find some happiness in life, even in the little things and that you'll reach out to people as much as you can so you won't have to feel alone. But, we are all here too, not the same as someone in person, but I have found I look forward to coming on this board every day now and I am fairly new here too. So welcome, and hope you can stick around because there are alot of nice people here to lend their support, advice and friendship. Susi-di
  8. 143alan

    143alan New Member

    I'm so sorry you feel so alone. I think loneliness is one of the worst feelings there is because it brings on all those other bad feelings like helpless and hopeless.

    You have friends here that understand and probably some that are going through the very same thing.

    I think it is absolutely horrible when children forget their parents, or treat them badly. I was horribly abused as a child, sexually, physically & mentally and I still have compassion for my parents and call and talk to my mother every weekend and some times during the week. I know to most that sounds strange or even sick but you have to walk in our shoes to know what it feels like.

    It makes it especially hard to deal with though when you know what you went through, raised your children totally different so they wouldn't have the same pain and then they don't seem to care at all about you.

    My brother went through this with his daughter for about 3 years before he died. She called him when she was in trouble or needed him to fix her car or help her out. When he was home all night hooked to a dialysis machine and couldn't leave and had no one to talk to we couldn't beg her to go spend time with him or call him. All she cared about was herself and what she wanted to do. He tried so hard to be there for her and she did nothing but talked to him like a dog and treated him like crap. She was called when he had his last heart attack 11/13/05 and told he was not going to make it. She was shopping at Wal-mart and was so used to him bouncing back from trips to the ER over the years that she didn't bother to stop shopping. She figured the next call she got would be to tell her he was being discharged because this was usually the case. This time it was different and the next call she got was to tell her he was dead.

    I know your pain, because I saw my own brother go through it. Know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Try to do something nice for yourself today.

    Take Care
  9. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    You never have to be alone again. If you ever need a 'special' friend, just post 'NyroFan' and bump it up until I see it.

    You can also post in general. Someone will always be there for you.

    I show up at this site everyday to read posts or sometimes write.

    It can really fill up the need to be with others who are like us.

  10. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    I felt very much like that about a year ago myself.

    Now I have really learned to enjoy my time alone and my solitude. (with help of meds, but still....).

    Maybe you could start writing a journal, from your experiences as a child to now. I have tried that from time to time, although never made a commitment to it, but it does help.

    Remember this time of year is always worse, too.

    You sound like a very nice person. Please don't let this get you down. If you can think of the good things about being alone, i.e. no one to cook for or clean up after, go to bed and get up when you want, spend as much time on the computer as you like, get dressed if and when you want to....well like I said I have learned to embrace my solitude.

    Take care of yourself, remember how important you are in the world - because you are.

    God Bless
    Sue in Ontario
  11. Achyten

    Achyten New Member

    and thankyou soooo much for all your support.
    pvlady,, I"m so sorry to hear about your Uncle,, I had to cry, cause it really hit home. I often think what IF? Then the kids would be sorry they didn't care more.Reaching out to others has been tough, my neighbors know I"m sick, but I guess they have busy lives of their own. I come from a small family,so don't have many relatives to lean on. Ty, dear, for your help.

    goldgym,,You are so right! I wouldn't want to go back to the days I struggled with bringing up my children. I have a four legged friend that is so supportive, with his little kisses and love he shows me. Ty, Hon.

    nerdie duckie,, Ty, for the HUG.

    jillstarr,,So happy to hear your son is well now! Thank God.

    monicaz,, God has helped me to cope. I"ve been told by a psychic that I am strong,,so I believe that God is my pillar of strength.I"m from Canada and I"ve added you to my IM list,, ty darlin.

    kriket,,TY for the hugs and kind words.

    susi-di,, I know you care,, and I thankyou so much. I do call my kids,but when I do, I wait for a return call,and maybe I should push. I"ve been to counselling so many times, but I"ve quit going now for a few years,, maybe its time for me to go back again.

    ozsleep,,I am homebound like you too hon,, and I"m so sorry you have no support either. God is my best friend, and I lean on him for strength, and thank him daily for life. I have a dog too,, so I"m not really alone, he is so helpful and loving. Yah its HOT, and my MAIl is coming,,,, LOL.

    Nancy,, I"m so sorry you went through all the abuses too. I talk to my mother at least 3 times aweek,, dad passed on 2 years ago, so I do my best to be there for her as much as I can.So sorry about your brother, my dear. Thankyou for your thoughts and prayers. You're a darlin.

    nyrofan,, Ty for your love and support.

    susanEU,, I use to write a journal for years, but have quit,, might be a good thing to start up again. I like my space,, and quietness,, but there are days I could really usea hug. ty, hon.

    I send you all love and hugs, for your support,, and I do hope yous aren't suffering too much. Thankyou for all the kind words,, I do feel better now. I have yous all to call my friends.

    God Bless, Achyten
  12. bluewing

    bluewing New Member

    You have us! It took me a long time to start writing, but it really feels like you're talking to everybody. So, when you feel so alone get on here and talk...it will make you feel better.

    I felt alone when I couldn't get through to my life-long friend (we're talking many years, here.) Some people just can't get the message that there is more wrong than arthritis or getting tired.

    Talk to us, we understand and we will listen! And sign up for the news letter. You'll be surprised how much you will look forward to that.
  13. jmcdelaney

    jmcdelaney Member

    I am new here, and Thank God I found the site.

    I am lucky in that so far my husband has been exceptional. He not only believes that FMS is real, but alerts me to any info he runs into on it. He has stepped up to the plate on the homefront as well. I have always done everything around the house (and yard) because I am able to stay home while he has a pretty stressful job and brings home the bread so to speak.

    My "friends" however are lacking in the empathy department. I have been feeling like they are very selfish. I have always been their ear, relationship therapist and psychologist. Always there to calm them down when minute details send them into a panic attack. My "best friend" who I used to talk on the phone with daily for at least an hour, now only calls when she is in "crisis". Although she now believes my symptoms are real and not psychological, she actually once told me to look up hypochondria. Basically, they don't want to talk to me about ANYTHING but their own problems. I always listen and try to be helpful (which they seem greatful for), but my end of the conversation is very quiet now because FM consumes so much of me and when I bring up anything about it they suddenly need to get off the phone.

    Some friends.

    Anyway, know that we are here for you.

    Love and Hugs, Joann
  14. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    I feel so bad for you. I don't have children, but I have been married for 42 years ( since I was sixteen).

    I feel alone alot because my husband has a mental illness that surfaces periodically, and makes our life pure hell. He does pretty well from day to day until something triggers a bad spell. He will say horrible things to me that hurt. He's having a spell now. He takes medication, and sees a doctor, but that only helps some.

    I have always worked, but was recently laid off of the job I've had for 23 years. I want to always stay with my husband, but I always knew if things got too bad I could make it on my own. Now, I'm totally dependant on him. Even if I got another job, I could never start out making enough to live on at my age.

    It's funny how we can have family, but still feel that nobody cares.

    I'm glad you've found this board. Even though we don't get to actually meet each other in person, we can always encourage each other to keep on going.

    Even if a person has a supportive family, this pain we all have is enough in itself to isolate us.

    I wish you the best.