I'm Sorry

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Asatrump, Mar 16, 2007.

  1. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    I regret not being able to make many replies lately. I thought I had a simple bladder infection, the kind where you need to go a teaspoon every 5 minutes or so.

    Took meds to calm the bladder and for the infection, but nothing improved.

    Then the culture came back negative for infection. More calls, more waiting. Didn't I just read a post here on the worship board about waiting? I don't wait well at all.

    I tried just ignorning the bladder urgency but there was an added problem that the bladder felt heavy like somebody was standing on it. It occured to me could be prolapsed bladder.

    I had it tied up during an abdominal hysterectomy in 2001, when the GYN said it should last 10 years. Although this has nothing to do with worship, I will share in case you ever face anything similar.

    During the surgery he found I was loaded with endometreosis, which I didn't know I had . Everything was grown and embedded and stuck in other parts/organs. I did a lot of bleeding, he tied up the bladder, said he NEVER saw insides like mine (not a compliment) that I had no muscles just MUSH. Should I take a bow? The incision was about 9".

    The latest is that my doctor put my on Enablex and said I am to stay on it until an appointment with a specialist of his choice. More calls, more snotty receptionists. One actually phoned me back with the doctor/date and APOLOGIZED for her earlier attitude!

    Now I must wait till May 30. Meanwhile I bought a girdle in hopes of it holding things up. It has helped some. I need to lose weight. God grant me patience. All this has put me in a full flare.

    Meanwhile dealing with temps from 19 to 65, snow, ice, rain, broken sump pump, plus continue to grocery shop, cook, laundry, cleaning, ironing, take care of sick grand child, and husband just asked if I would cut his hair.

    You all know the feeling: just want to curl up.

    Over and over this week I have visualized Jesus picking me up, only each time I pictured myself about 3-5 years old and he wraps me in a soft blanket, carries me all day, and tells me that He loves me and that I am a good girl. That all has to do with my evil mother I am sure.

    Sorry again. This post shows my thoughts are jumbled and I skip from subject to subject. I spent much of the week in deep prayer, and have mentioned you all constantly in prayer. This board is so important to me .

    And, as I have been feeling sorry for myself I read here of people who have things far worse, and I only need to look across the street to my neighbor who has pancreatic cancer. I am already grieving for him and with his family, but he tries to fight.

    St. Patricks Day is today. Things here are fresh white snow, no green.

    I need to play on the piano the "Old Irish Blessing".

    May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, the sunshine warm upon your face, the rain fall softly upon your friends, and until we meet again, may God, may God, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord cause his face to shine upon you, and give you peace.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/18/2007]
  2. kgangel

    kgangel New Member

    Hi Dearest Asa

    I just love that Irish Blessing , thank you so much for sharing that and May you have a blessed St Patricks Day

    I am so sorry for all you are going through.

    I want you to know I am thinking of you and praying for you for things to get better.

    May God Be with you and give you his peace

    God Bless you

  3. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    to apologize- we're all here to support you.

    I love the words to the Old Irish Blessing- my Mom has it up in her kitchen, so it reminds me of her. She also has a lot of Irish in her background, so I guess I have a bit too.

    I'm sorry for all of your bladder troubles and general "life problems"- at least, I know you will have spring, hopefully soon! Here in WA, it was just beautiful and warm yesterday. I saw crocuses blooming around town and the grass is beginning to green up. So, hang in there, spring is coming!

    My hubby would never let me cut his hair, Ha!
  4. caffey

    caffey New Member

    Don't be so hard on yourself. You are going through a rough time right now. You have to take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty about anything. Focus on doing what you have to get feeling better and please keep us posted as to how we can support you through this time. Lord please help them to find the cause of this problem and fix it soon. Thank you in Jesus Name. Amen.
    Love ya
  5. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I love your picture of Jesus picking you up and carrying you in his arms. Hold on to that.

    Please don't compare your situation with other, what your going thur is tough. I know that feeling of just wanting to curl up.

    And it's very real, i think we all know about that feeling.

    Love ya, God Bless in Christ. May He lift you up and carry you.

  6. 143alan

    143alan New Member

    You are such a special person and bless so many of us with your music and prayers. We hear the music with our hearts and experience the blessings of your prayers. Don't have regrets. Let us bless you, pray for you, hug you, play for you, sing for you, whatever it is each of us does in worship we now do to uplift you.

    Maybe you see yourself as the 3-5 year old child Jesus is carrying because he says that we should receive him as a child, innocent, totally trusting and believing. I think it would be wonderfully comforting to have the picture in my mind of Jesus carrying me as a child. You hang on to it!

    I pray that you are feeling better soon, that you can get some rest and feel at peace.

    Take Care
  7. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    Thank you kgangel, alaska, confused, caffey and morningsonshine for the support and prayer. It is a blessing to have people you shall never meet pray together. What a gift when we need it. I shall return the favor.
  8. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I`m sorry your going through such a difficult time. I`m sending healing thoughts and prayer up for you. I went through something similiar with feeling like I had bladder infections a lot and lots of pain. I ended up having IC. Keep pushing on through till you get some answers.

    Golly, I can`t believe how long these doctors let us suffer. It makes me so mad. It shouldn`t be this way. Praying that you`ll find answers soon.

    Take care,
  9. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    You know you have my prayers, you have been such a wonder to me in your prayers. Tonight I will start praying for you and continue untill you are well with this bladder thing.

    I have that off and on, so I know how you feel. Mine is caused by the Ecoli bacteria that my husband brought back from China a year or more ago, and its better, but at night time is when it feels full and all I have in a teaspoon to let out! Keeps me awake many nights constantly getting up and going to the bathroom.

    Its bothering me right now, so I sure know that feeling, it feels full, heavy, and hurts. Sorry thing is I can't take those darn meds that were prescribed, way too strong for this frail lady.

    Will keep you in my prayers, but assured of that.

    God's many blessings for you dear lady.

    Shalom, Shirl
  10. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    your post brought me around this morning I"ve been feeling really down .so fatique and achey. ringing in the ears,
    all the good stuff that goes with this d.d.
    your vision of Jesus carrying you is wonderful.
    you know he bever leaves us.
    It reminded me that although I"m not doing great at this time ,he is still with us.
    my prayers go up for you.
    and hope your feeling better today.
    Gods mercy starts anew each morning.
    hugs sixtyslady
  11. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    to Sandy, Shirl and Sixtyslady. We all have our turns, none of us escape unscathed without complications of our disease. I suppose God does this to make us appreciate the good times he gives us. I said just recently (at the death of my sons co -worker, a horrible, wicked death of a very aggressive cancer) that I feel I have a special relationship with God. Often I feel his foot in the seat of my pants, that I should look at some event or person suffering and realize I need to "stifle" as Archie Bunker would have said.

    All of us face our own set of difficulties and some of you seem to handle them with grace and dignity. I am sorry as I feel when I am faced with yet one more thing, I whine . For that I apologize to all those who have life threatening things.

    The depression that started this last flare is loosening it's grip. Let me simply say being married 40+ years is not easy. I have many adjustments to make as I face the next set of hurdles.

    Again, THANK YOU for your prayers and thoughts.

    [This Message was Edited on 03/18/2007]
  12. bandwoman

    bandwoman New Member

    You know my prayers are with you. It sounds like many of us are going through the fire and it just isn't fun enduring that process. We are being refined and molded and shaped into His image. It is usually a very painful process before we come out the other end with less rough edges and a glow that only can come from His refinery.

    I will continue to lift you up in prayer. I pray that he will carry you every single day until you can get into that doctor in May.

    We will make it with Him. We just need to lift each other up and support and encourage each other along the way. Yes, this board means the world to me as well. It is the one place I can go where people can actually identify and have compassion for what we go through.

    Hang it there and just keep envisioning the Lord carrying you because that is exactly what He is doing.

  13. pepper

    pepper New Member

    I will be saying extra prayers for you during this difficult time. You have been such a faithful prayer warrior for me and so many others. It is time for you to make some withdrawls. :)

    Being married for 40 yrs must not be easy. I have only made it to 20 yrs the second time around, didn't make it that far the first time. And it isn't easy.

    Praying for you, dear friend.
    Love, Judy
  14. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    It is you plus others here that sustain me right now. It is early morning and I check here for strength to face another day. Bless each of you, and I ask God that he shine his face upon you ALL.
  15. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I just wanted to say hi and that I am sending more prayers up for you today. I love your visualization of Jesus taking care of you. I am going to use that on my next really bad day.

    I visualize myself just going and sitting on his lap or laying my head on his lap and talking to him. Its so comforting and I don`t feel so alone. I hope your feeling a little better today.
  16. fromnz

    fromnz Guest

    Don't ever feel you have to apologise to anyone for 'spilling the beans' on how you are feeling. We can't pray adequately if we don't know what is wrong!
    I just wanted to let you know you are in my daily prayers & I sure hope things improve for you soon.
    You are a special friend & I want the best for you, & pray God will give you His peace to cope with this latest challenge.
    Hang in there!
  17. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    Prickles, Sandy and Linda...... thank you for your prayers. I am not in pain, just feel like somebody is standing on the bladder. Days seem longer having a specialist held over my head for so long.... until May 30..

    God bless and keep you all.
  18. webintrig

    webintrig New Member

    I am so sorry you have been have such a bad time of it!

    I have been praying for you and I myself have been away as well from the boards.

    You are such a very wise, patience, loving and caring person and I am sorry you have such a time of it.

    Know that I am praying for you to be heal quickly and the picture that you describe in your mind of the Lord and you well I have put a pic of just that but a much younger version in my profile that I visualize when I am in bad pain. I am still a babe.

    I just want to tell you that your a such a blessings to me as well as others and know we are here for you!