I feel like I have to pull teeth to talk about this. I almost never talk with my friends or family about it. I have this weird phenomenon where the more disconnected I am with someone the easier it is to discuss it. I feel trapped, ya know, a real sense of helplessness. It's like I want people to ask me what's wrong, but if they do I'll try to dodge their questions. Ten months ago I went to a fatigue clinic about an hour away in Flint, Michigan. It was a spirited visit, but it also burned a hole in my wallet. I can't afford future visits. I can't afford to wittle my money away on drugs and pills and tests that might or might not do anything. People keep telling me to get a job, but I hear most bosses value employees that can actually show up and work. It's embarrasing to be 22 and be forced to tell people you've never had a job. I tried to go to college for a short time, but when it came to attending classes I couldn't hold up my end of the bargain. Despite high grades my professors wouldn't understand my problems. I don't want to bore you with a life story or a laundry list of symptoms. I spend so much energy trying to explain CFS to other people, but it's something they'll never understand. Here I don't have to say a word and already there's a mutual understanding. But there's a fairly common phenomenon amongst people that are down on their luck in that the problems typically compound. It's not enough for someone to lose their house. Their wife has to leave them too. It's frustrating to not only have to deal with all of this, but also have to deal with people that won't listen. But I'm sure that's another thing most people here understand all too well. Hopefully I'll be starting distance learning courses sometime in the next few months, but I don't know how far that will get me. Right now I'm playing it by ear. I want to a writer. It's the one thing I feel I'm actually good at. Unfortunately whenever I send an application in to a website or newspaper I typically get ignored, probably because I don't have any work experience. Even when I try to explain my situation they still won't listen. It's like the entire world is deaf sometimes. I guess a lot of this post is for myself. I almost have this need to discuss these things, but I feel I can't do it with anybody I know personally. I don't talk about any of my personal life to anybody. I feel better that way. But it's reaching the point now where I feel I can't do this by myself. It's not possible to go through life being ignored or misunderstood. I mean you can't get a job unless an employer hires you. I can't live like a normal person, but everybody is expecting me to. It's just too much, and I can't handle it. Anyway, any comments or advice would be appreciated.