As I had reported in earlier posts, I got an out-of-the blue termination notice from by job of 17 plus years because of my "extended absence". I've been on disability leave since 8/27/08 because of CFIDS. I had originally had the frame of mind, after the initial shock and anger, that I wasn't going to obsess over it: I have to concentrate on getting better and that's not the only job in the world. But I haven't been able to get out of the rut. Whenever I stop thinking about something else my mind goes right back to it. It has assumed the "default" subject that my thoughts always end up on. I want to get past it, but I am feeling a profound sense of tremendous loss. I find myself wishing for all kinds of terrible things to happen to them so they will feel my pain. This is not at all like me. I have never been a vindictive person. I am very slow to come to negative conclusions about people, and when I do I just figure it's their problem and not worth my time worrying about it. In my personal and professional life I have always tried to stay above the fray and not get down in the mud. In the business I was in I always figured it may have saved me from several heart attacks. Now I feel like I am mentally down in the mud. I don't want to be there and am really trying to get out but I seem to be stuck there. Maybe not enough time has passed. My dad, who is a very practical man and my greatest example in life, says it is completely normal for me to feel this way right now. I just didn't think it would last this long. So I'm asking for some advice from those of you who have been through this same thing about how to deal with it. I'm not suicidal or anything like that-I just can't move on yet. Thanks for everything.