I'm Through

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MsE, Mar 9, 2007.

  1. MsE

    MsE New Member

    I've seen doctors, accupuncturists, physical therapist, and chiropractors. I've taken meds and supplements. I've had it. I'm through. If God blesses me with wellness, well hip hip hooray! And if not, so be it. I'm through looking for a cure and chasing around from one med or supplement to another trying to find something that works. Nothing works!

    From now on I'll enjoy my life, what's left of it, as much as I can and to hell with battling this dd any longer. I'm through. Done. Fine. Anyone feel the same?
  2. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Well... if I was in any doubt, after seeing my pain specialist last week I should feel like you. He flat out said, you will never be cured - (he was kind of irritated).

    I was asking if I could stop taking a drug which has helped me, but I still want to think I will be cured and med free someday.

    I guess it is natural to keep looking and wishing for a cure. To have "hope". But it seems many of us eventually try to adapt to our illness.

    I don't mean "accept" being sick, or to give in, but to simply acknowledge it is here to stay and try our best, one day at a time.

    Part of that is doing everything I can to take care of myself - that is hard also.

    At this point, I am trying to acknowledge my illness and accept it. To stop feeling guilty because I need help from others, and cannot function to help others.

    That really bothers me - the fact I can't help others who need me. My husband takes care of me and it should be the other way around.

    I try to see myself in relation to others who are worse off and try to appreciate what I do have - not focus on my limitations.

    I have terrible problems with sleep, muscle aching at times, digestion, on and on. On top of that, a business where clients expect me to visit them. I love to see people, but am completely unable to make a morning appointment - and rarely any appointment.

    One customer mandates I travel twice a year to a meeting about their business. This is my largest client and this year I have decided I absolutely can no longer travel. A few months back, I took a trip and am still recovering.

    Isn't that pathetic? Normal people would feel so blessed to be able to travel but here I am - worrying about and dreading it.

    I have had this for so many years I have never expected a complete cure. I would be happy to feel like a normal person, like I see on tv. I know that sound stupid but I always look at laughing, active people and think, "gosh I wish that was me".

  3. shar6710

    shar6710 New Member

    I agree with Skeesix: take a vacation from working so hard to find relief. I see nothing wrong with it. Sometimes it is just too exhausting. My guess is that after awhile you'll want to start trying new things again.

    Enjoy your vacation:)

  4. Calleigh

    Calleigh New Member

    MsE, I know who you feel! I've been to numerous GPs and specialists and tried all sorts of meds, and have also done the alternative specialists and meds route. The result is that these people and products have either done nothing for me, or have made my body and mind feel worse.

    I'm not going to put any more chemicals/alternative stuff into my body any more. The pain of CFS/FM is horrific and the other side effects scarey, but I'm not going to keep on experimenting.

    I had CFS over 20 years ago and went into remission after three years; this time around, it's been 6 years and it brought FM with it. I took absolutely nothing the first time (hey, no one knew anything about it then), so I'm thinking my body will cure itself when it's good and ready, and nothing's going to change that.

  5. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Hello, good to hear from you.. I totally feel the same way..I am still taking xanax, that seems to be the only thing that helps, guess it just helps me tolerate the CFS..

    The life I once had is gone and so is the ole me, but have learned to live with the new me and do what I can..

    So, how and what have you been doing? I am now trying to keep my 2 great granddaughters, which is a challenge but didn't have a choice..They are 2 and 5. I just take it one day at a time and ask God for strength for that day. I never thought I would be able to do this, and do fear each day if I will be able to continue. They are so precious and a gift from God..

    Take care so good to see your post,
  6. Katchina

    Katchina New Member

    Hi Mse

    I know exactly how you are feeling, I have been there, done that, I have got ALL the t-shirts, just like you.

    I wont even bother to list them, there are so many things, from psychotherapy to hands on healing and just about everything in between!

    I have even got so desperate that I actually tried to find someone to help me do a course of GET (I apologise, I do know that is an obscenity to many people) even though it was directly against my Specialists and Occupational therapists advice- and no I didnt try it, simply because no physical therapist would entertain it and I am too scared to try it on my own without any help.

    I too, finally got to the stage where it dawned on me that the effort and strain of always trying to make myself better was probably making me worse, besides it has all cost me so much money that now I can hardly afford my weekly food shopping, let alone all that organic food and the supplements etc etc

    Like you I decided to give up struggling against the tide, and instead do my best to enjoy my life now, just as it is, with what I have.

    As a result of what I learned along the way I have developed a few good habits, like drinking 2L water a day and using olive oil for cooking, pacing techniques, that sort of thing.

    But I think all the suppliments/therapies etc are really just clutching at (very expensive) straws when you get so frustrated or so fed up that you have to try something, anything to try to escape from this hell dimension we live in

    - this is probably ok if you have got lots of money and you really can afford it, otherwise we are just adding debt to our list of woes, in my opinion.

    When there really is a cure -have no doubt- we will all hear about it!!!

    So now its a very quiet life for me, I find that acceptance is much less stressful than fighting.
  7. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    i am so sick today, count me in with the i'm through stuff. i think i'll just lie in bed and watch a funny movie with the bucket near my bed (woke up with nasty migraine and am vomiting) the migraine meds did not work.
    thanks for your post and enjoy yourself!
  8. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Thank you, thank you for all the replies. I forgot to click the little button to be alerted via email when a reply arrived, so when I came back to the board today, it was loaded with comments.

    I'm not going to try to answer each separately since I goofed and let the notes pile up (duh) but am interested that this comment struck such a cord.

    Like Greatgran, I'm still taking a pill to keep anxiety in the manageable levels. Well, actually it's as much for Meniere's as anxiety because the anxiety, if you can call it that, I get with CFS is purely a physical thing that, my doc says, is caused by brain disconnect. Who knows?

    I haven't tried the grape seed extract--I think Jam suggested it. How is it supposed to work, Jam? An antioxident, or what?

    Overall, a vacation from the docs, and I like that way of putting it (A vacation) as one of you did, is necessary. It seems that the more I see docs or physical therapists or whomever, the more this dd stays on the forefront of my mind and that keeps me/it aggravated.

    I appreciate all your replies, and I'll check in again this afternoon. This is strange, perhaps, but having said I was giving up has been freeing. Know what I mean?
  9. Daisys

    Daisys Member

    I have two experiences to draw on to understand what you mean.

    One: Once I accepted that I had half a life (like some people work parttime), I was less stressed with what I wasn't able to do, and enjoyed what I could do/have with no (well, less) guilt and frustration.

    Two: My sister has a very steady level of disability, and she and her family adjusted to her limits. It's working for them, and she's not very motivated to change things. She's content.

    I'm actually worse off than my sister, but am aggressive about trying different treatments. So, my life has had more remissions, and then relapses, than hers. When I find a good, long term solution, she'll probably be interested in trying it (if it's cheap). Otherwise, she's content to see that I can travel and be physically active some years, and am in more pain, and do less than her other years.

    All my relapses were because of some trigger, the last one being menopause. Every time I relapse, it seems to take more intervention to recover. Menopause is a biggie!

    It's all about choices. I think there's something to be said for accepting whatever _is_ as 'normal' and not stressing about it. However, I do choose to look into whatever treatment seems to be giving others success. I think the main difference between my sister and I is I experience pain, and she doesn't. Pain motivates me to change things.

    In other words, whatever you choose, I support your decision. :)
  10. MsE

    MsE New Member

    only because Jam recommends it so highly.

    Not too long ago I asked my doctor if any of the things I had heard about helped any of his patients. He said something like, "Believe me, when there is something that really helps CFS and FM it will be all over the news. As of now, there really isn't."

    I am more willing to try natural supplements that are recommended, but often even the most benign of these causes a reaction. I'm just an aging princess, I guess! Put a dried pea under my mattress, and I'll probably feel it! :) But I'll do some reading about the grapeseed stuff and may give it a go.

    Overall, I just want to forget about all of it. Shove it out of my mind. At least for a while. Life is to darned short to live what I have left focused on illness.

  11. froggyfog

    froggyfog New Member

    I guess I think differently because I don't see "giving up, calling it quits, being through" or whatever term is used as a failure.

    I see it as knowing what I have, knowing what treatments are out there and knowing I need to pace myself....but not keeping on trying everything that comes down the pike.

    When a cure or something that makes a huge difference in our pain/fatique/etc. is found we will know about it.

    But I refuse to spend countless money/time/enegry being a guiene(sp)pig. I am going to live my life the best I can.

    This is my time to say enough is enough. I want something besides this disease. It has already robbed me of my job..I will be dam_ if I am going to focus all my energy on finding a cure...all my energy is going to my family and kids.

    Wow, I feel better after saying all that LOL.

    We are all different and at different points in our life. We must all do what is best for us. You must do what is best for you.

    To not follow your own path or the path God has designed for you is to not be true to yourself. FroggyFog

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