I'm worth $39...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by painterZ, Oct 14, 2008.

  1. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    I thought I was finally doing things to get my life together and not deal with my ex-husband having a grip on me anymore but I was wrong.

    I think I've decided to go back to my maiden name, dispite the fact that my daughter's last name will remain the same. I started tearing up old carpeting to re-do the living room and dining room. I've been getting rid of things including my daughter's toys (which breaks my heart but they're doing no good sitting around here). Then I finally decided it was time to sell my wedding band and engagement ring.

    My ex always told me about how long he saved up and how he had the rings especially designed. His friend owned, and still does, the jewlery store where he purchased the ring. It really was a great story, and that's all it turned out to be...a story.

    I took the rings to the same gentleman who designed my bro and new sis-in-law's rings. He tried to be as nice as he could but said that he could only pay me for what gold he could get from the rings because the stones were...well...crap. They were "real" diamonds but filled with so many flaws and "diamond dirt" and whatever else that a fake stone would be worth more. He encouraged me to go to the jeweler where the ring was purchased...I did and once the owner saw the appraisal letter and rings with my name on them he wouldn't come out of his office. I went to two other jewelers and the most the rings were worth was $39.

    Don't get me wrong...if that was all he could afford and if he just loved me I would be happy to wear a twist-tie on my finger...it's the deception. I meant nothing.

    This just hit at a bad time because we had a really bad family session with just the two of us. He still denies doing anything wrong considering the child porn stuff because as he says "...it never happened...it's all expunged." I'm just scared because he obviously lies constantly and I have no real way to keep my daughter safe.

    So...I'm having a little pity party for myself here at quarter after one in the morning. Let me know if you'd like to join me...I'm sure it'll go on for at least a few more days :)

  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Well, if you think about it, with what you know about your ex, does this bit with the rings really surprise you?? He seems to be a little loose with the truth and it would have been better to have told you no story than to have told you a whopper like he did. What if you had taken the rings to the jeweler after the honeymoon? He gambled you would not, but some women might have.

    I just hope you'll figure this is nothing new from him and get your name changed and consider yourself like a cat wtih 9 lives and you're now starting on your 8 lives. Make this life the best one you can. And remember the rings are worth $39, not you, and you are worth so much more than that and he just can't afford you any more. Many hugs.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/15/2008]
  3. stick2013

    stick2013 Member

    $39 or $3900 does it really matter???? What matters, is that you are free of all of this.

    He still has to face himself in the end. He still has to admit to himself at the end of the day. He still has to blame everyone else because he has no self responsibility.

    Eventually the truth comes forward, and the innocent learn what is truth and what are lies.....

  4. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    I really appreciate your sweet replies. Last night in an explosion of emotion I realized that I've been angry at my ex and my situation but never really grieved or felt sad over it. I'm finally feeling sad. Even after all of this time I'm just now realizing that I need to let go of him, and my hidden desires to reunite with him, in order to move on...as so now sadness, which I guess is one step closer to healing.

    Jamie: my ex is sick, no doubt about it. I could feel compassion for him if he'd stand up and say "I have these terrible thoughts, desires (or whatever) and I need help" but he doesn't. He denies and lies about everything, the present and the past. Like "Stick" said "...he has no self responsibility". I won't feel like my daughter, niece or any child is safe with him until he admits he desperately needs help. He claims to be healed by church but he hasn't changed at all. I feel for whomever falls into his web.

    Thanks again.

  5. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    With the break up of a marriage, it is a break up of a household, a break up of the way things were done, a break up of living with kids, and much more. We can end up alone, and we can hope they admit the wrong, get the help they need and heal the family and if you've seen some of the shows Dr. Phil has had---that's the responsible adult way to handle the problem and it has never been their way to handle problems.

    So, this is when you know it is really over, and work on creating a whole new life for yourself. It is where you create some new positive dreams and goals for yourself and work towards them. Many hugs.
  6. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    I am so thankful for your thoughtful words and (((((hugs))))). It's nice to hear soothing words from someone...it makes me feel less alone.

    Grammy-gotta say...I LOVE the idea of throwing the rings into water after saying everything I need to say. Actually, it gives me a great reason to visit the beach (although the harbor is 20 minutes away). I'm going to think on that one a bit and then make a final decision. I'll let you know.

    Thanks again!

  7. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    By the way, I wouldn't throw the rings away. Instead I would sell them and buy something for yourself that you want or would never had dared buy for yourself. Those rings now represent $39 in cash and not your marriage, so get the cash and get yourself something you REALLY WANT!!!! Time to live!!!
  8. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    using the money for gas or pet food:) I'm thinking that maybe I'll donate the money to my favorite charity since I haven't been able to help raise funds lately. It's for the Pediatric AIDS Foundation...only good use would come out of that and I'd feel like I got to help just a little...either that or I could just shove the rings down his throat...sorry...still working on that anger thing:)

  9. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    If you shove the rings down his throat, I think your bearings are off and you'd want to go in the other direction!!!! NOW LAUGH!!!!
    [This Message was Edited on 10/17/2008]
  10. poets

    poets Member

    Just wanted you to know I've been through a nasty divorce too.

    And wanted to send you a gentle hug and tell you to keep in mind that the $39.00 reflects only HIS worth.

    We love you!

  11. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    definately lol :)

    Poets: thank you!! (((((Hugs))))) to a soul sis who's been through a trying time :)

  12. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    as far as those daydreams go. Funny, I thought about what would happen to me if he suddenly disappeared too. I thought for sure they'd come right after me and see my little hangman sketches. lol

    The harbor would prob spit him right back out...he'd pollute everything:)

    Thanks for laughing with me!!