Important Holiday Eating Tips

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by painterZ, Dec 16, 2008.

  1. painterZ

    painterZ New Member


    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots
    on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas
    spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
    Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
    It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year
    but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories
    in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
    into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.
    Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than
    you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it.
    That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand
    alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
    potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if
    they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's
    skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
    with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in
    an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going
    to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for
    free. Lots of it. Hello?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise
    between now and New Year's. You can do that in January
    when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long
    naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
    while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of

    7. If you come across something really good at a
    buffet table like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and
    size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't
    budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
    attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If
    you leave them behind, you're never going to see them

    8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a
    slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two
    apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do
    you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's
    loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it
    at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

    10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible
    when you leave the party or get up from the table, you
    haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over,
    but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this
    motto to live by:

    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
    with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
    and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
    beer in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn
    out and screaming "HOT DAMN what a ride!"

    Have a great holiday season!


  2. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    Those are great Painter. I am going to definetley pay attention to all the tips. Sounds like I will have a great Merry Xmas. Just hope I don't pay for it afterwards. LOL

  3. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Yay! Someone with sense! I will eat everything in sight and enjoy every bite...that's my motto. Mostly cuz someone else cooked it; I cook every day, and I get really tired of it, too.

    Y'all have a very merry Xmas and let's hope for a good new year with lots of only relevant research for us.

    Ho Ho Ho,
  4. daylight

    daylight New Member

    Darn it . nearly pee'd my pants laughing.=)
    I have to send this one to my sisters.

    Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

  5. jole

    jole Member

    Loved it! We're miserable anyway, might as well enjoy what we can, right??? (Besides, misery loves company!)