In a very bad flare after a terrible loss

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by maggie_d, Feb 5, 2007.

  1. maggie_d

    maggie_d New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I haven't posted in a long time. I have gone through or should I say am still going through a very stressful, sad, heartbreaking time. My older brother was very sick and passed away January 12. I was very close to him and we talked at least once a week.

    Presently, I am in a major flare and wondering if there is anyone who has had the same experience after going through something this devastating. I can't type too much as my right arm is throbbing as well my hips and legs feel like I ran two marathons in a row.

    Looking for support and advice, I will try to go to the gym tonight just to sit in the whirlpool to see if that helps. I am taking flexeril, but only at night because I am back to work. My Dr. is hesitant to give me anything stronger but if this does not ease up by tomorrow I will call, probably in tears.

  2. maggie_d

    maggie_d New Member

  3. jillian44

    jillian44 New Member

    Oh my gosh yes! My mom passed away last March and it sent me into a deep depression and pain.. I am so sorry for your loss! Go to the gym and sit in the spa. It will be good for you. It is so hard. I just had my first birthday without her and it is really hard. If you need to talk I'm here and I understand your pain. Do something for you ok? God Bless You!
  4. desertlass

    desertlass New Member

    I hope you do call your doctor and ask for something to control your pain symptoms. As those with chronic pain know, it can become a vicious cycle, making everything worse and then in turn, everything making the pain worse.

    You don't need the extra aggravation of bodily pain going along with your long-term stress and raw grief. Your doctor can't fix your emotional hurts, but he can at least guide you with your physcial ones. Maybe you only need something else short-term to break the cycle while you're going through the worst of it.

    I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time of it. All of us on here go through so much pain and loss, because of, or in addition to, this dd. But that doesn't make it hurt any less as we go through it. It's so great that you came on and shared what you're going through.

    ((Gentle Hugs))

  5. fungirl2100

    fungirl2100 New Member


    I am so sorry. I was there a few nights ago. 3 nights in a row screaming & carrying on. Ice might help the flare. Ice packs. 20 mins on 45 mins off. On & off either on your legs (I have them in cloth sleeves) & perhaps trying some aromatherapy candles. I don't know how well you will be able to work out in a flare like this. I tried to rest & take my mind off of it. Meditate, put in a good funny movie or read..listen to music. My poor husband could barely control me.

    I am not a fan of Flexeril it made me very sick. I am allergic to it. How long have you been on it? How much do you take?

    How about a little menthol rub. That may help.

    caffeine isn't a good idea of course. If it is so absolutely horrible you can't take it go to the hospital. I almost had to!!

    good luck & I hope you are feeling better real soon.

    love your understanding friend,
  6. jole

    jole Member

    I feel sooo bad for you. I lost my mother a year ago, and my brother 6 months ago. It took me several months to get through the "shock" phase before I actually felt the flareup. Then it was bad, and like you, I couldn't find anything but time to help.

    My psychiatrist asked me to write a letter to each of them (mother and brother) saying exactly what I felt - I had some anger issues toward my brother, and some guilt issues toward my mother. The letters seemed to help.

    I could say whatever I wanted, good, loving, kind, or to the point anger-freeing venting. when finished, either burn them or whatever, and let your feelings go with the letter. I watched my mother die for months of cancer. My brother was instantaneous of a heart attack. There were things I wish I had said to both of them that I didn't, and this was my chance to do so. It helped me.

    It may be too soon for you yet, but keep it in mind. Sometimes our inner pain can make our outer pain worse. I wish you the best. It's really hard, isn't it??? Time does heal, but a day can seem like forever.

    Another tip - I had a lot of good memories with both, but for some reason it seemed like at nighttime it was the memories of seeing them sick and suffering that bothered me the most. My psych had me wear a loose rubber band on my wrist, and each time a negative thought entered I would snap the band and remind myself to not think about that. It helped also. (In case this happens to you).

    Take gentle care of yourself~ I wish I could be there to give you a hug~the best of all medicine! You're in my thoughts and prayers
  7. nancyclaborn

    nancyclaborn New Member

    Dear Maggie- my first time to post - well my 2nd I guess. Yes, My mother had triple heart bypass and now has more blockage for more stints to be put in next week. My parents at the ripe age of 76 went bankrupt last year and they medical bills are here again - I have very little to share with them as I live paycheck to paycheck with a husband that has asbestosis and can barely work any mechanic work he does to help pay our bills. I have had a flare up that has lasted for two weeks and could nearly die at work everyday. I can't even go to the warm water pool as my migraines are killing me too. GOD BLESS YOU MAGGIE - I will pray for you too. May God Give us all a blessing of some relief when we can get it. I get so depressed when this pain goes on for a long time. I know for sure that stress from anything that hurts our hearts can flare you up. Nancy
  8. maggie_d

    maggie_d New Member

    Thank you so much for your caring and support. It really helps. I am feeling a little better today, had to take a mobic - not sure if they help but I had some, and then took a 10mg of flexeril and fell asleep at 9 and slept all night till 6:30.

    I am so thankful for this site, even though I don't get a chance to post as often as I would like, it is nice knowing I have my cyber support.


  9. naturebaby

    naturebaby New Member

    Hi maggie,
    I'm very sorry to hear about your brother and my heart goes out to you, and to all the others who have posted here about their losses.

    Yes, I have and am having the same experience with the major flareups. The details of this chaotic year are in my profile. Like jole, I found that I functioned pretty well during the initial stages of crisis, in my case because I had two grieving and tramautized children to care for. Now, about three months later, I have been flattened by the worst flareup I've had in years. The frigidly cold weather is aggravating that, too.

    You are on the right track with the whirlpool, and definitely in seeing your doctor. Be careful about asking for any changes in your meds, though - my doctor (a new doctor for me) was incredibly unsympathetic and accused me of using my pain medication to "cope", and told me the number for the crisis centre was in the phone book!!! (I still can't believe he was so cold in that situation.)

    A more open-ended question might be better, ie. "these are the things I've been doing to try to manage my pain, but I am still in terrible pain...what should I do?" That way, you are not asking for med changes which can send a red flag to doctors. Just my own experience on that one.

    You may need to take some time off work to get this flare under control and to take care of yourself. It takes a very long time to process grief. Grief counselling is also very helpful.

    Hope you are feeling a little better; please keep us posted! Wishing you well, nature
  10. day2day

    day2day Member

    Today marks 6 years since my brother passed, and 2 years ago my sister passed, parents passed a while back. My son also has chronic medical conditions and am a single mom. You can imagine the stress and the flares I have.

    I know it is very very difficult to deal with the flares and the emotional pain, my heart goes out to you sweetie.

    One thing that has helped me tremedously is I found a therapist who comes to my home weekly. I get to just get so much off my chest and it helps unlighten the load, she has been coming now for 3 or 4 years.

    I started a local support group that meets once a month to give support to other like me who deal with life threatening food allergies like my son has, there was nothing in our area. Although at times it takes alot out of me, I feel I am contributing something positive to the community and also know it would make my loved ones who have passed feel proud, in my heart it is a tribute in a way to them.

    This is going to sound strange but sometimes I still feel their presence at certain times. It really gives me comfort at times to feel that way.

    Extra hugs ....day2day!

[ advertisement ]