In a whirl wind

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by ginn266, Oct 19, 2004.

  1. ginn266

    ginn266 New Member

    I just need to vent a little and ask for prayer for my family. I was diagnosed with fibro recently, but have had it for a couple years.

    I have been married almost 8 years to a wonderful man, but I think he is finally broke mentally. I can't give what he needs physically and emotionally. Our marriage has had so many roller coasters.

    To start off his mother is wacko and thats another story for another time, LOL. Then I had two rods put in my back about two years after we were married and ever since then my body has been out of whack. I have no passion for my husband, I love with all my heart, but my hormones are totally gone.

    My husband said last night that he finally can't take much more. But he said he would never leave me, he knows how I have been abonded by so many people in my life and he does not want to be the next one on the list.

    He knows also he had problems and I stuck by him through it all. He was drinking really bad and he hit bottom and our world almost collapsed. He stopped drinking thank God!! He never wants to go back that way again. It just seems like we can't to a place were we are both happy. He feels alone, I feel alone.

    Now I feel guilty, because I think he is only staying because he does not want to be the bad guy. Sometimes I feel like I should leave and make it easier, but we have two kids and I know leaving is not the answer either.

    When I made my vows, I meant til death do us part. I love him so much I would rather see him get a life while he is still young and not have too feel so alone.

    I told him, I would do whatever takes, but not sure where to go from here. I know we need counseling, but money is so tight and I know my husband would go too.

    I have great friends, but I don't want to burden them again with another crisis. There has been so much other junk that has happened that I haven't even wrote about. I want a normal life. I was finally dealing with having fibro and felt really strong emotionally and spirtually to handle this, then bam my husband is spent emotionally, we can never get on the same page.

    My husband is a Christian too, but we look at things so differntly. I look at things and put my trust in the Lord! He loves the Lord, but looks at things so negative.

    Please pray for us that we can again make it through this, he is an awesome father and good man. I feel like I am an awesome person too, but a lousy wife! Also, pray when I go to U of M for more medical testing that they can help me and find some relief.

    Sorry for the long post.
    Gin
    [This Message was Edited on 10/19/2004]
    [This Message was Edited on 10/19/2004]
  2. dash

    dash New Member

    Have you considered going to counseling through a church? Some churches offer counseling as a ministry.

    Maybe your husband is suffering from depresssion. When was the last time he had a complete physical?

    No matter what the root problem of your difficulties are, God can handle it. I used to be involved in premarital counseling and marital counseling. I have seen God work miracles in restoring broken or damaged relationships.

    Dear Lord,

    I lift up Gin and her husband to you. I thank you that she has been able to share with us her situation. First Lord, give them hope that their marriage can survive this new storm.

    Give them the ability to be totally open and transparent with each other. Lead them to the right counselor. Rekindle in them a fervent love not confined to physical boundaries. Give each one of them an understanding heart for the others problems and concerns and the tools for solving those problems.

    Lord bring them to a point of reconcilliation and restoration.

    In Jesus' name I pray,
    Della

  3. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I`m sorry your having such a hard time. Praying that things get better for you soon. Don`t feel your a bad wife, you just got stuck with a DD that you didn`t ask for.

    Best wishes,
    Sandy
  4. ginn266

    ginn266 New Member

    to go to counseling at church, but my husband won't go there. He just told me he doesn't want to go to church at all right now. It's so strange when I met him I did not know that much about God and he introduced to real church taught me about the Holy Spirit and about salvation and know he is very distant. I will just have to pray he will want to go back. God is my refuge and He is the only one that gets me through any of this horrible mess.

    Thanks for your replies and prayers,
    Gin
  5. cinnabarsib

    cinnabarsib New Member

    If you read my bio, you will see that I am going thru much like you are. I pray for you and that your marriage strengthens & our Lord speaks softly to your hubby. Even tho my DH is distant, I have asked him if he would be `happier` without me. He said he couln`t go on without me. Many times, it`s so hard for some men to see their wives ill~I pray for both of you & that you draw nearer to each other~~~~~with hope, Sib
  6. ginn266

    ginn266 New Member

    My marriage is just about done :(. I can't believe it, I always said I am in it til death do us part. But I can't stay in a marriage when my husband doesn't want to even try. I know I made plenty of mistakes, I know I can change some of my bad habits and priortize better. He just emotionally gone from the marriage.

    I put so much on hold personally for myself and I wish I wouldn't have. I dropped out of college when we married, stayed at home (except for working at my daughter's school) He both wanted that, now he says he wants me to work, it's like two different personalities.

    I always told my self, I won't end up like my mom: I don't need to be dependant on a man. Well, now I am. No degree, I need medical help, I don't have a great job. Of course he has a great paying job, I helped him and motivated him that he could stirve and do more when he felt beated down. He never got a degree either, but went in the computer field and makes over 60k a year, and I will probably have to depend on state aid and child support, which I won't get much of that either because we will have joint custody. I am sure I won't be able to get alimony either since we have been marrie 8 years.

    I don't want to take him to bank and make his life miserable either, but I feel so hopeless on what is going to happen next. I am hurting so bad for my kids too, I didn't want my kids to have to grow up in a dysfunctional home like I did.

    Please pray for our family that he will want to give it a chance and change his heart. Pray that he does not start drinking again. (he has beer in the garage as I type this, but he thinks it won't become a problem, (Yeah right))

    I am just drained, but faithful God can restore this marriage, even though he doesn't feel like God want's it that way.

    Sorry for the long post, It's just I feel like I am lost.
    Gin
    [This Message was Edited on 10/30/2004]
  7. BleuSox

    BleuSox New Member

    Marriages are a seires of mountin tops and valleys,And There is no Fairy Godmother. We have to put the romance back..because that is what we did when they men and fell in love with us.

    Our Lord humbled himself and washed the deciples feet. Not because he was lower... but that he was higher and chose to serve.

    The mariage bed gets stale and is full of cracker crumbs...
    go buy some satin sheets, a new nighty... fix his favorite meal.

    Marriage is much like any other job, it takes a lot of hard work.

    If my husband is not right with God... he answers for that, but if I am not right... that one is on me.

    Take him on a secret date, and show him he is the hero that you married, and close your eyes- ask God to lite a spark in your heart and restore the love and closeness that you
    need.

    I pray for a little fairy dust for our ladies..

  8. ginn266

    ginn266 New Member

    I thought I would give everyone an update. My husband and I almost seperated and he had to leave town for the weekend due to his job and while he was gone, he said he would like to work on things. He seemed so sure nothing could help, I am so happy he wants things to work, but he still is acting strange and I feel like I am walking on egg shells. Please pray that we find a good counselor and that my husband still wants to stay. I will keep you all posted with my doctor visit on Monday. Thanks for your prayers.
  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    You didn't mention counseling, but it can be very helpful. If he won't go, go by yourself. Good luck.

    Love, Mikie
  10. ginn266

    ginn266 New Member

    Thanks for the reply Mike. I am actually going to counseling and started it last week. My husband just infomred he feels like he needs to go by himself first. I would like us to go together too, but it's a start, I will take anything I can right now. I will just keep on praying.

    Thanks
    Gin