Inner thoughts on m.e.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shanwill, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. shanwill

    shanwill Member

    it's a puzzle
    and there is a piece
    that lays missing
    a quiet shard
    that never allows its full healing

    you can pretend
    so others won't see
    becuz who would ever really understand.

    what it's really like
    to never feel well
    to have to battle
    and yet accept all at the same time

    to wish and wish
    only to be pressed down
    to not having the strength
    to wish at all

    it's not cancer
    it's not death
    it's not visible

    its obscured quietness
    steals your life
    inch by inch
    your only 'choice'
    is surrender to it
    to not go crazy

    people who do know
    - don't really know
    it's almost like they've forgotten
    how much a struggle this is
    who would want to think about someone they love
    in this much suffering

    so you numb yourself
    caffeinate your exhausted body so you can function
    force yourself not think about the 'symptoms'
    becuz there's no real name for it...

    no cure...
    only shrugs, and silence
    making you be the one
    to have to endure

    but don't complain
    who wants that
    don't look outside
    at everyone running around

    don't look back
    at all that you've lost
    sure grieve
    - privately
    but you'll get better in time..

    think positively
    push yourself
    collapse in the shadows

    when all you want
    is to feel health
    to walk and not be leadened down
    to think and not muddle through fog to get the thoughts out
    to dance, sweat, feel your heart pound.
    to work, earn a paycheck, build a life
    to sleep and awaken refreshed.

    to feel normal
    what is that like....
    after 8 yrs i no longer remember.

    so what do you do now?
    you still have days
    where getting out of bed
    is like climbing a mountain
    the good day is a whisper of who you once were

    accept that.
    except that....
    I want more..
  2. mimmic

    mimmic Member

    going on 25yr with this disease. many yrs. ago I made the statement about forgetting what normal is like. We do spend a lot of time wishing we could do what others take for granted and just be a part of life. You really captured what we think in those words. carolyn
  3. shanwill

    shanwill Member

    My heart goes out to you - 25 yrs is too long to have to struggle with this. I can only hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel.