Insensitive Hubby ! (at times)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Starla, Nov 5, 2002.

  1. Starla

    Starla New Member

    My hubby can really make me cry sometimes. I know he gets so tired of this DD. He doesn't really understand and wish it would just not be there. He acts sometimes like if he treats me like I'm a "normal", then I'll become normal. This morning my knees and ankles felt like they had been beaten with steel pipes. It hurt so bad to stand on my legs. My calves always hurt too. I thought I would collapse. I was in the kitchen trying to make coffee and prepare a lunch for my husband to take to work with him. I was thinking if I just had a stool to sit on that rolled around that I could scoot around the kitchen, getting out the things I needed and not have the pressure on my legs. But, when I mentioned this to my husband and 18 yr old daughter.. they acted disgusted. They said just go back to bed if it was so much trouble. He would just do it himself. They think I want to play like I'm an invalid!!! I get so mad at them i could just beat them up until they hurt so so so bad, so I could say, "now this is how I feel each and every day and I still manage to get everything done". Which includes running the household and managing our lives and raising a 2 yr old baby that my daughter can't seem to do. I'm sorry, I just get so mad at the fact that they take me for granted and just overlook the fact that I am sitting there dying in pain before their very eyes, while I am serving their every need. My husband is good to me though, but it is in spurts, he just keeps hoping he'll wake up and it will be over. For instance, he paid for me a one hour massage. It was heavenly. He was so excited to do something nice for me to make me feel good. He thought he was going to fix my pain. By that night, I asked him to rub my shoulders. He asked me why would I be hurting if I just went to the massage therapist? I tried to tell him that it does make you feel better but it doesn't cure you. He was so angry that he wasted his money. He thought he was really going to fix me. Poor guy, he just doesn't get it. He has read the print outs, but not gone to Dr's with me, because he can't take off work. So, to any of you with husbands who just don't fully get the idea....I understand.
  2. Starla

    Starla New Member

    My hubby can really make me cry sometimes. I know he gets so tired of this DD. He doesn't really understand and wish it would just not be there. He acts sometimes like if he treats me like I'm a "normal", then I'll become normal. This morning my knees and ankles felt like they had been beaten with steel pipes. It hurt so bad to stand on my legs. My calves always hurt too. I thought I would collapse. I was in the kitchen trying to make coffee and prepare a lunch for my husband to take to work with him. I was thinking if I just had a stool to sit on that rolled around that I could scoot around the kitchen, getting out the things I needed and not have the pressure on my legs. But, when I mentioned this to my husband and 18 yr old daughter.. they acted disgusted. They said just go back to bed if it was so much trouble. He would just do it himself. They think I want to play like I'm an invalid!!! I get so mad at them i could just beat them up until they hurt so so so bad, so I could say, "now this is how I feel each and every day and I still manage to get everything done". Which includes running the household and managing our lives and raising a 2 yr old baby that my daughter can't seem to do. I'm sorry, I just get so mad at the fact that they take me for granted and just overlook the fact that I am sitting there dying in pain before their very eyes, while I am serving their every need. My husband is good to me though, but it is in spurts, he just keeps hoping he'll wake up and it will be over. For instance, he paid for me a one hour massage. It was heavenly. He was so excited to do something nice for me to make me feel good. He thought he was going to fix my pain. By that night, I asked him to rub my shoulders. He asked me why would I be hurting if I just went to the massage therapist? I tried to tell him that it does make you feel better but it doesn't cure you. He was so angry that he wasted his money. He thought he was really going to fix me. Poor guy, he just doesn't get it. He has read the print outs, but not gone to Dr's with me, because he can't take off work. So, to any of you with husbands who just don't fully get the idea....I understand.
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Welcome to the group. I think I missed your first post, so wanted to extend a welcome to you anyway.

    As for the husband and daughter, I do think that they expect us to just 'wake up one morning' and find out we are cured!

    But after 20 plus years of this pain, I think my husband finally decided it was easier to just learn to live with me, along with the Fibro and quit complaining about what I can't do, and focus on what I can do.

    All my children are grown and on their own, and the grandchildren (two) are teens now. I did have my grandson untill he was five, my daughter-in-law just couldn't 'figure out how to do it' either! I think she is still in the 'dark' and he is now 16 years old.

    I know what you mean about having them feel this pain just for a week or so, then they would all be singing a different tune!

    That stool on casters sounds like a great idea, why not just order one? That would save you a lot of pain.

    We renovated the kitchen, it suits me now, I replaced cabinets with large drawers, don't need to get on the floor to find what is in them anymore! Dropped the overhead cabinets, so I can reach all but the top shelf, have a foot stool for that one, and one of those 'claw' things for highstuff. I also put a pantry in for the can foods etc. Lot easier than cabinets for all this body pain.

    My husband is a good guy too, but sometimes they are just angry at the illness, and we are the target I guess!

    You take care, and I hope you feel better after that good vent you just had!

    Shalom, Shirl



  4. HOUSEOFBLUES

    HOUSEOFBLUES New Member

    I've been thru (and still am) all of this with my Hubby too. (See my posting "SPOUSES WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND")
    We keep going around & around on this and i get so frustrated with him that I'd like to take a Bat to him sometimes. I now try not to say anything about how I feel anymore and just come here to this board to vent. (Thank God for this place). I just chalk it all up to him being a Mars Man....Lol....

    LOVE,
    HOUSEOFBLUES
  5. tedebear

    tedebear New Member

    Starla,
    I can relate. I just seem to ignore him anymore. The aches and pains go on and so does he doing his own thing (watching T.V., sitting on the computer, etc...). It's okay, its more peaceful that way.
    Very soft hugs.
  6. tes

    tes New Member

    I know what you're talking about. My husband is very supportive and has been for the past 9 years that I've had this illness. But I think it's gotten to the point where he thinks when is this going to end. We have 2 young boys(2 and 4), and I find that I ask more of him and this bugs him. He has been used to me doing everything. Which I still do. I do all the cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, bathing the kids etc. When he comes home from work, all I ask of him is to give me some time alone. But I guess that's just to much for him. I'm sorry for how you're feeling, but know that you are not alone. This illness is so hard because we can feel good one day and be in so much pain for months. I have now been in a flare for about 3 months. Longest ever!!!! I am 31 and I feel like I've been cheated of living a normal life. Try and take care of yourself first and then deal with everyone else. (Easier said than done. lol.) Anyways, we're all here to hear you out on your tough days.

    God Bless
    Tes
  7. witsend

    witsend New Member

    My husband has to be the most nonempathetic person in the world. He could care less what I go through or how I feel. If i say I am hurting or moan he tells me to shush in a very irratated voice. If I try to tell him I hurt of feel really sick. He tells me you are always sick , you are always hurting,so what's new? Today I just sat in the bathtub, eating chocolate candy and crying over what an ass he is. The older he has gotten the colder he has gotten. It makes it rough when I am so damn dependant on his help.
    Are there really men out there that are sensitive and loving and supportive?
  8. Dezsngs

    Dezsngs New Member

    I have been married 40 years and stuck it out with an insensitive man and for the last 20 I have been going the rounds of doctors till I was diagnosed 8 or so years ago but even after he heard it from the doctor he can't relate throws his stuff around and is worse than when the kids were home.I feel very much like every one that they think one day we will just relize that were okay and they were right all along. I cry a lot about it then hold it in and get more bitter.Any way I am so sorry for you too. Hope some day it will change and they will see.(((((HUGS))))Dezsngs
  9. Starla

    Starla New Member

    I knew there had to be at least one other person who was dealing with the same issue, but I see there is more! Thank the Lord for this place. We can all get together to vent. We all need a friend to talk to who "really" understands. I'm sure most of us love the dear Hubby, but the insensitivity can hurt really badly. They are so juvenile, they don't know how to handle complex problems, so they just ignore them or lash back. God bless their stupid little pea brains.